Two Blondes Go to a Movie: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves.

JESSICA SAYS:

Listen, nobody goes to a Twilight movie expecting to see Citizen Kane.  Because you shouldn’t.  However, if you go expecting to delight your inner 12-year girl, then I don’t think you will be disappointed.  This particular installment of Twilight, The Twilight Saga:  Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (which we can agree is a title that requires way too much punctuation, right?), has everything that 12-year girl likes – romance, a love triangle, cute boys, a wedding, a pretty wedding dress, dancing, and a horrifying pregnancy where the heroine of the story gives birth to a human/monster hybrid that kills her from the inside by starving and crushing her.

 

What’s that you say?  That last bit wasn’t part of your adolescent dreams?  Me neither and that is where the whole Twilight story begins its turn into what-the-heck-land (I’m keeping it super-clean, in honor of our virginal subject matter).  I’ve read the books, so I can tell you that where this baby is concerned, things begin and remain weird and disturbing, but we’ll talk about that when The Final Chapter of the Twilight Saga:  Breaking Dawn – Part 2, Article 3; Section 4 comes out.

I have two final parting thoughts:  1) The baby in this movie has the world’s worst name, Reneesme.  That’s right, Reneesme.  2) When I saw this movie, there was a woman in the theatre who brought her 4-year old with her.  Don’t do that, both for the benefit of your fellow movie patrons and the child.

There is no harm in waiting to see this movie at home, so you can wait for it to be available on DVD or OnDemand.

ALISON SAYS:

Yup, I went to see The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 in the theaters.  And yup, I laughed my ass off. And also yup, chocolate martinis help the viewing experience.

Maybe it was the delicious chocolate martinis (thanks, Arclight bar), but I found this movie hilarious. I know I’m not the target audience. If I was a teenager, maybe all the drama and swooning would feel more real and interesting instead of just silly, but I’m not and my slightly buzzed self could not stop laughing throughout the flick. And I was not the only one. I heard much laughter through the Arclight Dome 2pm screening. If you want to feel what genuine gut-busting laughter is like, watch the scene with the arguing wolves. That was one of my favorites.

I was surprised by how graphic the honeymoon and birth scenes were, when it is a film that will obviously be watched by a lot of teens. I don’t consider myself a very conservative person, but if I had a teen daughter, I’m not sure I’d want her watching this film. There were parts that felt too adult and it felt like there were some weird messages. Edward leaves bruises on Bella during their lovemaking (eww I just said lovemaking) and we’re meant to understand that it’s not his fault. He’s just so darn super strong because of the whole vampire thing. But it still feels weird to sort of send the message to young girls that it’s okay for a guy to leave you with bruises.

Despite my concerns over some of the messages the film sends to its younger viewers, it’s a fun movie to watch after a few chocolate martinis. I wouldn’t call it a good movie, but it was entertaining.

LA Viewers: I’d check out a matinee if you’re curious about vampire babies and hilarious arguing wolves.

Non-LA Viewers: the same goes for you.

Sidenote: This picture is not actually from the movie, but came up during a google images search for “Twilight wolves” and it amused me, so I am sharing it here with all of you. Enjoy!

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Tags: Bella, Breaking Dawn, Edward, Jacob, kristen stewart, Movie Reviews, Reneesme, robert pattinson, taylor lautner, Twilight, Vampires