Two Blondes Watch Their TiVo: The 81st Annual Academy Awards

Two Blondes watch their TiVo and mostly ramble about themselves:

ALISON SAYS:

THE PRE-SHOW

I watched a lot of the Oscar pre-show on E! and I mean A LOT.  I am pretty sure I’ve lowered my IQ by many points, but at least now I know that Anne Hathaway loves sushi and that puppies look really cute in little workout outfits.

I did find it amusing when Ben Lyons had a fake sword fight with several actors from Role Models and Ken Jeong wouldn’t quit hitting Ben and Ben yelled out “I don’t have health insurance.”  Later Ben assured his mother (on the air) that he was kidding and does have health insurance and not to worry.

Why is Debbie Matenopoulus orange?  I’m worried she’s not taking the right vitamins.

Was anyone else super creeped out by E!’s digital switching of actresses’ heads during the pre-show?

56827706I don’t want to make fun of Philip Seymour Hoffman.  He’s amazingly talented and why should he give a darn as to how he looks?  The thing is, he wore a knit cap to the Oscars.  A knit cap.  The kind I’d wear to Ralph’s along with sweatpants and a soup-stained flannel.

THE OSCARS

I’m a fan of Hugh Jackman’s.  The man is sexy, talented and kicks ass playing Wolverine.  But I didn’t think a guy that good looking could be funny as well.  I was wrong.  He was great and his opening number made me laugh.  I have also gained a newfound respect and appreciation for Anne Hathaway after her “musical interpretation” of Nixon.

Tina Fey & Steve Martin as presenters = hilarious to the point of almost snorting Coke through one’s nose (Coke as in Coca Cola, not the kind typically associated with Hollywood).  Tina Fey looked stunning, proving once again that life is not fair if one woman can be that talented, successful, funny, and still look that hot.
Even though I may have wanted WALL-E to win for Best Original Screenplay, it did make my heart warm to watch the talented Dustin Lance Black make his acceptance speech.  Usually it takes a happy, curious robot to make me tear up, but Dustin’s heartfelt words really moved me.  Jessica was also looking for a tissue to dab at her eyes.

I read an interesting quote from Simon Beaufoy who won for Best Adapted Screenplay for Slumdog Millionaire.  The screenwriter said of his goal for the script: “I wanted to get (across) the sense of this huge amount of fun, laughter, chat, and sense of community that is in these slums. What you pick up on is this mass of energy.”  I think he accomplished that goal with his script.

large_wall-eWALL-E won for Animated Feature Film!!!  Yay!!!  If you noticed a blonde woman hooting and hollering a couple blocks away from the actual Oscar ceremony, that was me.  I love, love, love this film and love, love, love Andrew Stanton and Pixar for making it.

Ben Stiller’s Joaquin Phoenix impression cracked me up.  I’m not sure if all of America was in on the joke or not, but Jessica and I were amused.  After it, my mom called during a commercial break to ask if I agreed with her that this was a bad Oscars show.  She felt liked everyone didn’t know what they were doing. I disagreed, but also explained a live show will always have glitches and that the crazy behavior in the last segment had been part of the act.

3303212977_dc2d582494-1I have not laughed out loud so much as I did during James Franco and Seth Rogen’s video segment.  Those two dudes are funny.  Though who really stole the show was cinematographer Janusz Kaminski with the line, “They made me do it, Mr. Spielberg.”

Okay, it wasn’t actually part of the Oscars, but it ran during them… the Tim Gunn Tide commercial.  Only Tim Gunn could make a laundry detergent ad classy.  Tim Gunn, you rock.

Danny Boyle’s Tigger jump during the acceptance of his Oscar was adorable.  He seems like a genuinely nice guy.  I’m happy he won, but I still wish Darren Aronofsky had at least been recognized for his work on The Wrestler.

Heath Ledger won the Oscar he deserved.  Jessica pulls out more tissues to dab at teary eyes as his family accepts the award on his behalf.

Kate Winslet wins.  I am very happy about this one.  I really respect this woman’s choices as an actress.  As for some of her male fans, they’ve gotta be worried that now that she’s won an Oscar, will she stop being nude in her movies?

hatersDuring his acceptance speech, Sean Penn mentioned some hate groups who had been protesting outside the Oscars.  Jessica and I actually ran into these people on Sunset Blvd.  As you might have guessed, they were weird and full of hate.  One woman was wearing an American flag as a sarong.  These haters had so many different signs with so many different messages, I found it confusing as to who they were wanting us to hate.  One person was holding a sign with a picture of Obama with horns, like he was half dragon.  I’m not sure if that’s meant to be insulting, but all I can say is it would be freaking awesome if we had a half man/half dragon for president.  No other country would ever want to f*ck with us, if they knew we could send a fire-breathing politican their way.

ph2009022300172It’s really amazing to watch a movie like Slumdog Millionaire take the world and the Oscars by storm.  And you could see this level of excitement and passion in the eyes of everyone who worked on the film.

JESSICA SAYS:

I’m mostly confused by E!’s coverage.  For instance, a cooking segment in evening gowns?  I don’t know who the woman leading this segment is, but she is wearing gold lamé, for God’s sake.

Marnie Norton, who is apparently a handbag designer, has turned the pre-show on E! into QVC.  She even did some Vanna White-inspired hand gestures.  Is this really the best coverage they could come up with for Oscar day?

Sal Maseka has recently retired from some sort of factory job; that’s just my assumption after seeing the giant gold watch he’s sporting.

Debbie Matenopoulos just said she is ‘scared’ of using blue or green eye makeup because she has brown eyes.  Scared?  What is she talking about?

Miley Cyrus is lobbying to be nominated for an Oscar next year.  Yes, I just said Miley Cyrus.  I know.  It seems ridiculous to me too.  I have no idea what this movie she’s talking about, but I will eat my hat if Miley Cyrus is nominated next year.

Now for a brief bit of comments on fashion:

Tim Gunn, I adore you.  You are the classy, sophisticated gay uncle I never had.  I also completely agree with something I heard you say on Good Morning America this week – your review of a dress depends on who is wearing it.  You gave the example of Tilda Swinton last year in the black velvet number.  You are totally right.  She is bohemian, so it is totally fitting that she wore an unusual dress.  She did it again this year, and I liked how she looked.  I don’t think everyone has to wear a jewel-toned dress with diamond drop earrings to look beautiful.

I loved Anne Hathaway’s dress.  Mr. Jay (America’s Next Top Model guru) instructed us on what we’re supposed to call those discs sewn on her dress and I’ve already forgotten.

I feel like a lot of people are going to hate-on Marisa Tomei’s dress for looking like napkins, but I really liked it.

Oh Miley.  She said the dress she’s wearing was the first dress she saw.  Miley, dear, you should have kept looking.  It reminds me a foil Christmas tree my grandma has.

Kate Winslet looks beautiful, as I had hoped.  Her hair is a bit pageant-y, but I still like it.

OSCAR CEREMONY

Opening number:  OK, I kind of find Hugh Jackman a little more adorable now (who knew that was possible).  And Anne Hathaway.  She and I should totally be friends.

I like the idea of having previous winners come out to give special little shout-outs to the five nominees, but this is going to be a really, really long show if they do this for every category and I’m not sure I really care to see five previous sound mixing winners (no offense guys).

Best Supporting Actress:  Penelope Cruz wins, not entirely surprising.  She was cute in her acceptance speech.  I still haven’t seen Vicky Cristina Barcelona, so I can’t really comment any more than that.

I LOVE TINA FEY.  I truly do.  She looks so pretty tonight.  Pretty, funny, smart; Tina, call me!  Let’s hang out, eat sandwiches, and play Rock Band.

Best original screenplay:  Milk.  That was a nice acceptance speech, but it will totally piss off those angry hate people Alison and I saw on the corner of Sunset and Highland.  Good for you!  I’m not even sure what they were protesting.  Something about fetuses, Barack Obama having horns like a ram, and saying the people who lost their homes in the recent fires deserved it.  God bless freedom of speech.

Best adapted screenplay:  Slumdog Millionaire.  I was a bit surprised here.  I expect it will take home the big prize, but the writing wasn’t necessarily one of the reasons I enjoyed Slumdog.

Best animated feature:  WALL-E.  I’m glad this won because it would have not been an enjoyable night with Alison, if it didn’t.  There would have been tears.  Copious tears.  She’s kind of obsessed.

Best animated short:  OK, Sir-I-don’t-know, just speak Japanese if you can’t speak English. Oh wait; you redeemed yourself by saying, “Domo arigato Mr. Roboto.” Styx totally rules!

sarah-jessica-parker-2009-oscarsSarah Jessica Parker can’t walk in her dress.  That seems silly to me.  I know fashion isn’t always practical, but she is struggling to walk the few steps from backstage to the podium.

Art direction and costumes are cool and integral to making a film excellent, but SNORE.  Those acceptances speeches are boring!

Another win for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  This is almost as boring as watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Ben Stiller as Joaquin Phoenix was pretty funny, but I imagine there are going to be a lot of people watching this show that will have no idea what that was about.  It you were confused, check out this clip from Late Night with David Letterman:


Cinematography had to go to Slumdog Millionaire.  If you saw that movie, you would know that there is no way any other movie could have won.  Cinematography made that film.

One of the funnier moments of the night so far came from watching James Franco watch himself kiss Sean Penn.

OK, I love musicals.  I really love them, but I didn’t love the ode to musicals.  I was also kind of annoyed at how obvious it was that Beyonce was singing to a pre-recorded dub.

Heath Ledger won.  I knew that would make me cry…and it did.

I like the sparkle curtain.  I don’t like the ceiling lights with tassels.  It feels a bit too much like a cocktail lounge.

The cast of Slumdog Millionaire and Danny Boyle are pretty adorable every time someone wins from their movie.

I’m very pleased Kate Winslet won, as I had hoped and predicted.  I still haven’t had a chance to see Milk, but I was amused the Sean Penn acknowledged how difficult it is to support him at times.  It is, Sean.  For instance, when you couldn’t take Chris Rock’s joke about Jude Law.  I’m glad you showed tonight that you can actually laugh.

Slumdog Millionaire takes home the big prize to little surprise.  I enjoyed the parts of the show with Hugh Jackman, but the middle of the show really dragged and this is coming from someone who is a bit of a film nerd.

And now we leave you with a picture of traffic during the Oscars.

oscar-traffic

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2 Responses to “Two Blondes Watch Their TiVo: The 81st Annual Academy Awards”

  1. Bollywood and hollywood - Movie reviews, News, gossip » Two Blondes Watch Their TiVo: The 81st Annual Academy Awards Says:

    […] Original post by Two Blondes Walk Into a Blog […]

  2. Vegetable Storage : Says:

    just the mere look of Chris Rock would give you laughs already ::

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