Posts Tagged ‘Netflix’

Two Blondes Go To A Movie: Hannah Montana: The Movie

April 28, 2009

Today we have guest “Blonde” Erika Brooks Adickman weighing in on Hannah Montana: The Movie:

miley-cyrus-hannah-montana-movie-poster1ERIKA SAYS:

If the previews before your movie you are about to see are all animated, star talking animals, or involve Eddie Murphy playing a dad, it’s probably a good indication that movie you paid 10 bucks plus parking to see is not meant for your demographic.  If that is not clear enough for you here is a “creeper scale” to help you figure out how much of a creeper you will look like if you see this movie:

twoblondes1pdf-1-page

See 12 year old girl: normal.  Mom or Dad just above that.  26 year old woman you’re already at the age where kids start to look at you and think “Stranger Danger” even if you think you’re hip enough to see a Disney kids movie.  Next to that is a gay dude.  Cause at first you think “What are those two guys doing seeing Hannah Montana: The Movie” and then you go “Ohhhh, it’s a date.  Oh yeah I can see how there’s some serious kitch factor to Miley Cyrus”.  Above that is a straight dude.  If you are a straight male seeing this movie alone (even if it’s cause you lost a bet) you are going to look like a major creeper.  And if you are seeing this movie alone you probably are.  And wayyyy above that is Billy Ray Cyrus in this movie (but more on that in a minute).

Here’s the gist of Hannah Montana: The Movie:
Miley Stewart played by by Miley Cyrus is just your average teenage girl trying to live out every tween’s dream: the life and career of one of the world’s biggest pop stars and the life of an average high schooler.  But how can Miley have the “best of both worlds”?  Leave it to daddy Robby Ray (played by real life dad Billy Ray) to figure that out.  Slap on a blonde wig and some chintzy big earrings and faster than you can say “clarkkentissuperman” you’ve got yourself a secret identity.  Somewhere along the way Miley has gotten way to attached to the fame and perks of being Hannah.  So her dad decides to wrangle her back to her hometown of Crowley, Tennessee to visit her Grandma and get back to her roots.  Along the way Miley will fall in love, try to avoid a British tabloid reporter out to get the scoop on Hannah’s big secret, save a town with her music, and have many, many, many prat falls.

Let me just say that the movie opens with Miley and her BFF Lilly (Emily Osment sister of Hayley Joel) trying to get in to an arena where “Hannah” will be performing.  Miley is running late to her own concert but the guy at the front wont let them in.  She and Lilly will have to sneak in.  And I thought to myself, (and by thought i mean, shouted to the movie screen)  “As if!”  As if, Miley wouldn’t have a cell phone (probably an iPhone) to call her dad and be like “Dad I’m late let me in!”.  And, as if the security backstage wouldn’t have been alerted that if they see a girl who looks a lot like Hannah Montana but with brown hair is walking around she is not a security threat.  Saying things like this and laughing at the movie actually isn’t as fun as you would think or as fun as I expect.  It actually of makes you feel like a lone Miranda in a sea of Charlottes.  You think, “When did i get to be such a cynical old biotch?  But I also wonder if i would have ever been into Miley at 13.  Would I have idolized her?  At 13 i loved movies like Adventures in Babysitting and Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead and The Babysitters Club (wow I must have had a thing for movies with Babysitter in the title).  But at least those movies involved swearing, kissing Josh Charles, and hiding your type 1 diabetes from a cute foreign exchange student.

I will say this, if you if you’ve got a big sweet tooth for Taylor Swift, Rascal Flatts, country hoedowns, and saccharin teen pop music it might be worth it for you to see this movie inspite of all the obvious flaws.  In spite of myself, the song “The Climb” gave me goosebumps and I went home and downloaded the hoedown throwdown) because i love songs where the dance is built right in.  And in case you’re wondering, yes I taught myself the dance after many many watches on YouTube.  So maybe I’m not such a miserable crone after all.

hannah_montana1But I can’t in good consciousness recommend this movie.  Unless you’re babysitting your niece or are a huge Miley fan just wait and Netflix it if you’re curious at all what it’s like.  There are so many other things you could put your 10 dollars (plus parking) towards.  Instead, take 2 of those 10 dollars and download “The Climb” and “Hoedown Throwdown” and watch an old episode of Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel.  You’ll be happy driving around in your car for a good week and after watching 22 minutes of Miley on TV, glad you dodged a bullet.

Some thoughts on the movie from an ADD’d mind that can’t consolidate these into lovely paragraphs:

  • Tyra Banks is in this movie. Now, I know Tyra is trying to model her career after Oprah. Well here’s something Oprah would NEVER do: a cameo in a Hannah Montana movie. She did The Color Purple, a movie directed by Steven Spielberg. She didn’t have a fake fight with Miley Cyrus on screen over shoes.
  • This movie is SKAWEEEKY clean. I don’t know if they ran they film negative through Purell or rubbing alcohol before they sent it to be edited or what. But there is not one swear word, zero violence, and zero kissing. That’s right. There’s a barely legal hunky cowboy and you don’t even get to see them kiss. Sorry to disappoint all you twelve-ies.
  • But because of the Disney sanitation of this film all of the jokes have to come from over the top, slap stick bits. And these bits go on FOR-EV-EVER. You just sit there and go this wasn’t that funny and it just keeps wandering off into further unfunnydom.
  • In fact, the only thing questionable about this film is the way Hannah Montana dresses. She looks like she shops in the skank section of Forever 21 who probably smells like a combination of 2 different Victoria Secret Body Sprays. I’m relieved that cowboy Travis prefers Miley to Hannah. It sends a message you young girls out there that you don’t have to dress like a tart to impress a boy.
  • Why is it that movies with a secret identity eventually unravel over a double booked dinner date (a la Mrs. Doubtfire)?
  • With out giving too much away this movie had one of the most intense emotional scenes to involve a revolving door that I have ever witnessed in a movie. I don’t want to say too much but it had me in tears I was laughing so hard.
  • Billy Ray Cyrus. It is impossible to watch this movie and not think of that Annie Liebovitz Vanity Fair spread of the two of them nuzzling. I simply can’t trust a dad with a soul patch with a teenage daughter. Especially a dad who has found a way to use his daughter’s success to his own career advantage. I’m not sure who is a creepier Dad-ager him or Joe Simpson.
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Two Blondes Go To A Movie: I Love You, Man

March 25, 2009

Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves:

JESSICA SAYS:

I am calling it now – I will officially be sick of hearing people say, “Slappin’ da bass,” as of 2:00pm today.  It’s a line from I Love You, Man, the new comedy starring Jason Segel and Paul Rudd.  It’s a funny joke even, but it will soon be as annoying to me as, “Whasssssuuuuup!”  You see (and I’m mostly directing this as the same demographic of people who are really big Dave Matthews Band fans), yes, the, “Slappin’ da bass,” moment in I Love You, Man was funny.  I laughed heartily out loud, but only in the context of the movie.  However, when you say random jokes you heard in a movie/commercial/TV show at awkward moments in conversation?  Not funny, just irritating and people are only laughing with you because it would be too painfully awkward otherwise.  Thank you. (I’m considering submitting this to NBC for their ‘The More You Know’ PSA campaign.)

I know a lot of girls crush on Paul Rudd and he is utterly charming, but what I want to know is will Jason Segel be my boyfriend?  I do mean Jason Segel and not Sydney Fife, his character.  Sydney is a bit too man-childish for my taste, but actual Jason Segel seems adorable.  My crush began after seeing him in Freaks and Geeks and has only grown stronger since.

I Love You, Man is the story of Peter Klaven (Rudd).  Peter is the kind of guy who has always had a girlfriend, and as such, has neglected any male friendships he may have once had.  When he and his fiancee (Rashida Jones) start planning their wedding, she realizes Peter doesn’t really have a best friend to be his best man.  So Peter goes on a bit of a quest to find a best friend and in the process meets Syndney Fife (Segel) who is basically his opposite in the romance department.  The two begin what can only be called a bromance built on a love of one particular Canadian prog-rock band who had a hit song named for a Mark Twain novel.

When you add Paul Rudd and Jason Segel together, plus throw in a little splash of Rashida Jones, I had faith that even if it turned out to be a not-so-hot script, the movie would be mildly entertaining.  I was pleased to find I Love You, Man downright funny.  So go see it.  It’s worth the theatre price and would make a pretty good date movie.

Oh yeah, and especially go see this if you like the band, Rush.

ALISON SAYS:

Don’t go see I Love You, Man if you hate laughter.  It’s a damn funny movie.  I really hope my mom isn’t reading this, because she considers “damn” a swear word, despite the fact that she uses the “s-word” when the family pets get underfoot.

Anyway, I was very, very amused by I Love You, Man, as was the entire theater I saw the movie with.  There was a consistent level of laughter that you don’t always see with movies that are considered “comedies.”  I even heard some guffawing from the very heavy man sitting next to me.  Maybe the guffaws were a result of his weight, but I think it was the high level of funny in the film.  There’s just so many things to love.  First, let’s talk about Rashida Jones.  I already liked her, because of her work on The Office, but now I must say I love her a little with her adorable nose freckles and cute -T-shirts and cardigan outfits.  The girl is funny and pretty and makes you understand why someone like Paul Rudd would propose to her.

This past month, I have slightly fallen for Paul Rudd, in a non-sexual, “Wow-that-guy-is-super-talented-and-really- charming-and-maybe-I’ll-just-brush-my-hair-today” kind of way.  I’d always thought he was funny and liked other movies he’d been in.  Two weeks ago I watched Role Models on Netflix, which Rudd co-starred in and co-wrote the screenplay for and it was freaking awesome and he was awesome in it.  Then I go and see this movie.  While watching it, I felt myself getting a middle school crush on him.  He’s so charming and sweet and vulnerable, which is not usually my thing (my thing is Viggo Mortenson in Lord of the Rings), but after the movie, I found myself wondering if there are a line of Paul Rudd pillow cases out there.  Not that I would actually put one on my bed, I’m a grown woman, but it would be fun to own.  I would also consider purchasing a J.K. Simmons pillow case, cause he is one of my favorite actors and is superbly funny in the film as well.

It’s a great cast.  Jason Segel is perfect as that guy who doesn’t want to grow up, and might make lots of mistakes, but you find him endearing anyway.  Jon Favreau and Jamie Presley were hilarious as a couple.  I really loved Sarah Burns as Hailey, the hopelessly single best friend.  I read on IMDB that she started her career dressing up as Barney.  I’m glad she got a chance to show how funny she is.  Also I was excited to see Liz Cackowski (of “The Jeannie Tate Show“) on screen, even if for a brief amount of time.

LA Viewers: Go see it.  You’ll laugh and think about purchasing Paul Rudd pillow cases.

Translation for non-LA viewers:  Same goes for you.

Two Blondes Go to a Movie: Happy-Go-Lucky

February 2, 2009

Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves.

ALISON SAYS:

I really wanted to like Happy-Go-Lucky.  Sally Hawkins seemed so cute and offbeat at the Golden Globes.  I’ve read some raving reviews for the film, but I hate to say, I wasn’t too impressed.  For about the first hour, I kept taking sideward glances at Jessica to see if she was as unimpressed as I was.  She didn’t seem overly involved in the flight of Poppy either.  My mom (who joined us to watch the film) had fallen asleep, probably from a combination of wine, jetlag and from the fact that she found the film boring as well.

I’m not saying I hated it or disliked it immensely.  It just didn’t grab me.  Maybe it was too British, though I do love British people and films.  Maybe Hawkins’ cuteness was too offbeat for me.  I can’t put my finger on it exactly.  There were parts I liked and things I related to in the film, but other than that, I felt an almost blahness in response to watching it.

LA Viewers: Wait for the DVD.

Translation for non-LA natives: Netflix, baby!

JESSICA SAYS:

When we sat down to watch Happy-Go-Lucky, I told Alison, “I have a confession.  I have no idea what this movie is going to be about.”  When the end credits rolled, I turned to her and again said, “I have no idea what the plot of that movie was.  Do you think it had a plot?”  (Long pause.)  We both answered, “Mmmm, not really.”


I thought this movie was…perplexing.  I was genuinely charmed by Sally Hawkins’ character, Poppy, but what makes it perplexing to me is this:  if you enjoyed watching something, but it had no plot does that mean is was good or bad?  Is having a plot central to any story’s success?  Mr. Oldvader, my high school AP English literature teacher says yes.  Happy-Go-Lucky definitely has a theme, and it happens to be a theme I quite liked:  happiness is a decision you make for yourself.*  Poppy is a perpetual optimist, not because life has been nothing but kind to her, but rather because she chooses to see everything as a glass half-full.  It’s just…where was the story?

After staring at the cursor blinking here, in the spot where I’m supposed to say whether or not I recommend this movie for about ten minutes, I’ve decided to recommend it like so:  Add it to your Netflix/Blockbuster queue; not at the top, but on there somewhere, and some Saturday afternoon curl up on the couch with a cup of tea (obviously it has to be tea; Happy-Go-Lucky is v. British) and see what you think.  Maybe you will see a plot where I didn’t, but at the very least, maybe this will inspire some self-reflection in you.  It did for me.

*Alison agrees with me on this, despite finding the movie a little blah.  She did like that idea and theme in the movie.