Posts Tagged ‘rainn wilson’

Two Blondes Go to a Movie: Monsters vs Aliens

April 17, 2009

Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves:


ALISON SAYS:

There are a lot of beautiful people in LA.  Like, a lot.  And many of them haven’t developed much of a personality because of their ridiculous good looks.  Sometimes holding a conversation with these types of people can be painful.  On one hand, you’re dazzled by their amazing looks and it feels like being in the warm glow of the sun.  But then they open their mouths and you want to yell, “Shhhhhh, no talking!”  This sort of sums up how I felt about watching Monsters vs Aliens.

The animation is amazing and fun.  DreamWorks has reached new levels of being awesome when it comes to the production of an animated movie.  I saw this film in IMAX and 3-D, which was super cool.  My favorite of the visuals was B.O.B. the blob (voiced by Seth Rogen).  But in terms of the script and “jokes,” (yes, those quotes are meant to be snarky), I just wasn’t impressed.  I was so excited to see this film.  The premise seemed really funny and I can’t imagine a more talented cast (Reese Witherspoon, Hugh Laurie, Wil Arnett, Rainn Wilson), but their comedic talents just didn’t translate.  I can count the number of times I laughed on one hand (or on the hand of a chainsaw artist I know who’s missing several fingers).  A lot of the jokes fell flat and I may even have heard Jessica groan and/or sigh several times.  

That said, I’m still really excited they had a main character who’s a girl and who kicks ass (not just because she’s a giant).  

LA Viewers: The animation is worth paying a matinee price.  Especially if you’re as high as the guy who sat near Jessica and I (he reeked of a certain substance that Woody Harrelson is a huge fan of).

Translation for non LA-viewers: If you don’t have a theater near you that offers 3-D viewings, wait for the DVD.

JESSICA SAYS:
There is a very essential thing about myself that I was reminded of by going to this movie:  I don’t like having to deal with the public.  You see, Alison and I saw Monsters vs Aliens 3-D at the IMAX theater at Universal City Walk which, on a Friday night, is almost as bad as being in the airport security line on the day before Thanksgiving.  I know that shouldn’t affect my review of the movie, but I was sufficiently annoyed and ready for some charming animation to cheer me up after fighting through crowds of tourists, waiting in line behind teenage boys acting like idiots to impress teenage girls, and couples so engrossed in their PDA that the world could collapse around them and they wouldn’t notice.  (Although for the latter Alison did provide an entertaining inner monologue for the couples, “I’ve never felt this way before *giggle*giggle*.”)

 
Monsters vs Aliens didn’t really charm or cheer me up.  The ads looked cute.  I had high hopes.  I like Stephen Colbert, Seth Rogen and Reese Witherspoon, who provide voices.  It just fell flat.  Monsters vs Aliens had great animation, especially the bit in space at the beginning, but the story felt so disjointed.  It starts out as a story about how a woman, Susan (Witherspoon), gains self-confidence after she is struck by a meteor on her wedding day and grows exponentially taller.  Then it jumps to a X-Men-meets-Mars Attacks story where a rag-tag group of mutants/monsters are the only beings able to defend Earth against evil aliens.  In between those two stories there is a random Dr. Strangelove homage in ‘the war room,’ but it’s like one of the writers thought, “What if it’s like Dr. Strangelove, but George W. Bush is the president?!”  I think we all know kids these days can’t get enough dark political satire references in their cartoons.

 
Sadly, I don’t recommend seeing Monsters vs Aliens.  I know if you have small kids and want to see a movie, you don’t really have other options right now.  To be entirely honest, if I didn’t have to write a review on it, I might have left halfway through.  Keep in mind though, I was already crabby going into it.  Have you seen it?  If so, am I wrong and just a crabby-appleton?  IMAX = always awesome.  The 3-D animation of outer space at the beginning = awesome.  The story, jokes, direction, etc. = uhhh…

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Two Blondes Watch Their Tivo: The Golden Globes

January 12, 2009

Two blondes watch their TiVo and pass judgment on Hollywood:

ALISON SAYS:

MEGAN FOX
Did anyone else notice Megan Fox’s nervous blabbering on the on red carpet during the pre-show?  She said her boyfriend, Brian Austin Green, wouldn’t attend the Golden Globes with her because: “He’s a man.”  Sounds to me like a certain TV actor is jealous of their significant other’s movie career and rising level of fame.

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS
There was one point during the show where NPH gave the camera a big wink.  I chose to believe that wink was directed at me and meant that NPH and I will be best friends forever and share laughs over why Renee Zellweger wore such a crazy dress.

KATE WINSLET

Kate Winslet = awards and awesomeness.  She’s always classy both on the red carpet and when accepting her multiple much deserved awards.

Kate Winslet

RUMER, DEMI & ASHTON
When Rumer Willis was introduced as the Golden Globe gal, the camera cut to Demi and Ashton, who each waved in a loving, parental way.  I think it’s awesome Demi found a hot, younger man.  I think more women should.  But once that younger man waves to your daughter in a dad kind of way(who isn’t much younger than him), it loses the sexy appeal and just feels weird and icky.

MARISA TOMEI

What was up with the flouncy blouse?  After seeing The Wrestler, we all know you have a kicking body.  Why not show it off?  We also now know you have immense talent, so you don’t need to hide your hotness to be taken seriously.

MEN WITH EARRINGS
A lot of men still seem to have earrings, especially ones who were attending the Golden Globes.  Bruce Springsteen, the guy who directed the movie from Israel, Colin Farrel.  And those earrings aren’t doing them any good.  It just makes them seem that much older and like they’re hanging on to a fad from decades ago.

DOWNEY AND HIS SUNGLASSES

Why was Robert Downey Jr wearing sunglasses while sitting inside?  That’s Jack’s schtick.

30 ROCK

I am wiping a tear of joy from my eye and sighing with deep content.  Sure, the economy is tanking and the world may go up in flames at some near point in the future, but we still live in a world where 30 Rock exists.  I was very happy to watch their many wins.  One of my favorite parts had to be when Alec Baldwin won and they cut to the 30 Rock table and there was Kenneth clapping.  Okay, I know he’s an actor and has a name, but he was clapping just the way Kenneth would over excitedly clap and smile.  And it made me all warm inside.

HUGGING P DIDDY

Is he still called P Diddy?  Either way, how adorable was it when that tiny composer from Slumdog Milionaire hugged Sean Combs?  So cute.

DREW BARRYMORE
Drew Barrymore’s hair was just a tad too tousled, where it kinda made her look crazy.Drew's crazy hair


DEXTER

Michael C. Hall was robbed. He should have won for Dexter.

RICKY GERVAIS

I had kind thought I was a little sick of Ricky Gervais, but after his hilarious performance and commentary tonight, I remembered why I loved him in the first place.

JONAS BROTHERS

Are they attractive?  I’m too distracted by their chastity bracelets and waxed to perfection eyebrows to tell.  I know they have legions of screaming fans who would disagree with me, but I find them so incredibly boring and lacking any kind of charisma.

WALL-E
I personally think WALL-E should have won for best feature film, not just best animated feature film.  It is the best film I have ever seen and probably ever will see.  And I loved this quote from Andrew Stanton’s acceptance speech, in regards to his children: “You inspire every emotion I ever try to capture on screen.”

THE DEPPSTER
Johnny Depp seemed like someone doing an impersonation of Johnny Depp.

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

I haven’t seen it, but I’m now going to get my ass to the theater ASAP.

mickey_rourke
MICKEY ROURKE
After seeing The Wrestler (review to follow), I do agree with the Hollywood Foreign Press that Mickey Rourke deserved Best Actor.  His performance was amazing.  Sure, his win was a little soured by the fact that he was wearing sparkles, a wallet chain and blond streaks on purpose and not as part of a costume for a character.  The man may be strange and tacky, but he’s also very talented.

JESSICA SAYS:

OK, I just got off work and the red carpet show has already been happening for 30min.  Thank goodness for TiVo.  First up…

JONAS BROTHERS
Nancy O’Dell, I’ll take your last question to the brothers, what keeps the ladies from them?  Vows of chastity.

RAINN WILSON

Love the shades.

MILEY CYRUS
Try not to adjust your boobs when you’re standing in front of a camera.  Just a tip from me to you.  I know you’re young and still learning.

AMERICA FERRERA

She looks v. pretty. Thank you, America, for holding it down for the girls who aren’t a size zero.

By the way, why is Tiki Barber one of the hosts for this?  I mean, he is handsome and looks good in a tux, but he’s a football player.  It’s not like they need someone to break down the spread offense at the Golden Globes.

AMANDA SEYFRIED

None of the women are wearing any color to speak of so far.  Amanda is, what, the fifth woman onscreen so far and no colors.  She looks pretty, but I’m getting bored.

STEVE CARRELL
I love you, but lose the beard.

BLAIR UNDERWOOD

I hope my sister, T, is watching this because she had the biggest crush on him back in the LA Law days.  He still looks good, T.

OK, I’ve just noticed that they have fake camera flashes set up.  There are, what appear to be, strobe lights set up on stands.  Were the actual camera flashes inadequate in some way?  Is it just to make people feel more famous than they actually are?

OK, that’s it for the red carpet show.  My verdict:  boring.  Everyone looked pretty, but I wasn’t wowed by anyone.

I’m totally adopting, “Hello?  Mamma talking, mamma talking,” from Jennifer Lopez to use when I want people to be quiet.

Best Actress in a Supporting Role – Motion Picture
Yay!  Kate Winslet won!  I haven’t seen The Reader yet, but I LOVE Kate Winslet.  Marisa Tomei was awesome in The Wrestler too.  Plus, I love to see people get so emotional and to hear the crowd really erupt for someone like they did.

Best Original Song
If Miley Cyrus wins an award over Peter Gabriel and Bruce Springsteen, then the Hollywood Foreign Press Assoc. has no taste in music…pfew!  The Boss won.  All is right with the world.

Best Supporting Actor – TV
*fingers crossed*please be NPH, please be NPH, please be NPH…Tom Wilkinson.  OK, he’s a very fine actor, but I didn’t see John Adams, as I don’t get HBO (I know, pity me).  It’s just that I have a serious crush on Neil Patrick Harris, and yes I know he likes boys.  I don’t care).

Whoa!  Renee Zellweger’s hair!  Crazy.  What happened?  It looks like she slept in those pink foam curlers my mom used to have from the 1960’s.

Don Cheadle is introduced as the star of Hotel Dogs?  Really?  I get they are trying to promote that movie, but they mention Hotel Dogs and not Hotel Rwanda?

Actor TV Series – Drama
Oh, John Hamm is sexy.

I love that Ricky Gervais scolded the crowd again for being noisy.  Plus, in this one instance, I think the Holocaust jokes were funny and not too cringe worthy.

Best Actress Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy
How cute was Sally Hawkins?  I haven’t seen Happy-Go-Lucky yet, but it’s at the top of my list (but yes, the speech did drag a bit).

Best Supporting Actor Motion Picture
Heath Ledger.  An extraordinary performance and I truly think he would have won if he was still with us.

Best Actor – Television
Yay!  Alec Baldwin!  Two in a row.  He may be a little crazy in real life, but he is hilarious in the show.  If I was foreign, a journalist, and a member of the Hollywood Foreign Press Assoc., he totally would have had my vote.

Seriously, what the hell is Renee Zellweger wearing?  Is she in mourning over something that I don’t know about?  It could explain her hairstyle, as I believe some people cover all the mirrors when in mourning.

gallery_main-reneezellweger-2009-golden-globe-awards-red-carpet-photos-01122009-02

Best TV Series – Musical or Comedy
Yay!  30 Rock.  Like I doubted it would win for a minute.  Hahah!  “Deal with it Cate Blanchett!”

I wonder who makes the seating chart for this show.  Like, what happens if you are the only person from your show nominated?  Next to whom do they seat you?  I think I just saw Christina Applegate (Samantha Who?) sitting next to Sally Field (Brothers & Sisters).  Could that be a left-over table?

Best Actress in a TV Series – Musical or Comedy
Seriously.  Tina Fey is adorable and I worship her.  “You can find a lot of people there that don’t like you and I would like to address some of them now…DianeFan, you can suck it.”

Cecil B. DeMille

Honestly, has Steven Speilberg been someway involved in every film in the last 30 years?  That’s what it felt like watching his montage.  I bet he has had a hand in at least one film on everyone’s top 10 list.

Sacha Baron Coen, you should know better.  Hollywood can’t take a joke about itself.  Don’t you remember what happened to Chris Rock at the Oscars when he made a joke about Jude Law?

Best Actress Motion Picture – Drama

Kate again!  I really love her.  She is smart, funny, pretty, and very good at what she does.

Best TV Drama

Well, they didn’t nominate my top two choices, Lost and Friday Night Lights, so Mad Men comes in third in my mind.  If you haven’t seen it, give it a gander, it’s worth it—smart, compelling stories shot in a visually interesting way.  Plus, you can marvel at Christina Hendricks’ figure.  Wowza.

Best Actor Motion Picture – Drama

Mickey Rourke, I just saw The Wrestler (review to follow soon).  He really is remarkable in that film.  Plus, his personal story at this point is almost equally compelling.  I can not imagine anyone else being able to play that part.  Winner for most uses of the word ‘balls’ in a thank you speech, Mickey Rourke!  My picture went blank there for a few seconds at the end of his speech.  Did he say something that bad or was that just a technical glitch?

Best Motion Picture – Drama

Slumdog Millionaire.  I haven’t seen it yet, so I can’t really comment.  It looks good.  I hear they end the film with jazz hands, so that sounds fun.  I feel like a see a fair amount of films, but I haven’t seen this or Vicky Christina Barcelona.