Posts Tagged ‘taylor lautner’

Two Blondes Go to a Movie: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

December 1, 2011

Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves.

JESSICA SAYS:

Listen, nobody goes to a Twilight movie expecting to see Citizen Kane.  Because you shouldn’t.  However, if you go expecting to delight your inner 12-year girl, then I don’t think you will be disappointed.  This particular installment of Twilight, The Twilight Saga:  Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (which we can agree is a title that requires way too much punctuation, right?), has everything that 12-year girl likes – romance, a love triangle, cute boys, a wedding, a pretty wedding dress, dancing, and a horrifying pregnancy where the heroine of the story gives birth to a human/monster hybrid that kills her from the inside by starving and crushing her.

 
What’s that you say?  That last bit wasn’t part of your adolescent dreams?  Me neither and that is where the whole Twilight story begins its turn into what-the-heck-land (I’m keeping it super-clean, in honor of our virginal subject matter).  I’ve read the books, so I can tell you that where this baby is concerned, things begin and remain weird and disturbing, but we’ll talk about that when The Final Chapter of the Twilight Saga:  Breaking Dawn – Part 2, Article 3; Section 4 comes out.
I have two final parting thoughts:  1) The baby in this movie has the world’s worst name, Reneesme.  That’s right, Reneesme.  2) When I saw this movie, there was a woman in the theatre who brought her 4-year old with her.  Don’t do that, both for the benefit of your fellow movie patrons and the child.
There is no harm in waiting to see this movie at home, so you can wait for it to be available on DVD or OnDemand.
ALISON SAYS:

Yup, I went to see The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 in the theaters.  And yup, I laughed my ass off. And also yup, chocolate martinis help the viewing experience.

Maybe it was the delicious chocolate martinis (thanks, Arclight bar), but I found this movie hilarious. I know I’m not the target audience. If I was a teenager, maybe all the drama and swooning would feel more real and interesting instead of just silly, but I’m not and my slightly buzzed self could not stop laughing throughout the flick. And I was not the only one. I heard much laughter through the Arclight Dome 2pm screening. If you want to feel what genuine gut-busting laughter is like, watch the scene with the arguing wolves. That was one of my favorites.

I was surprised by how graphic the honeymoon and birth scenes were, when it is a film that will obviously be watched by a lot of teens. I don’t consider myself a very conservative person, but if I had a teen daughter, I’m not sure I’d want her watching this film. There were parts that felt too adult and it felt like there were some weird messages. Edward leaves bruises on Bella during their lovemaking (eww I just said lovemaking) and we’re meant to understand that it’s not his fault. He’s just so darn super strong because of the whole vampire thing. But it still feels weird to sort of send the message to young girls that it’s okay for a guy to leave you with bruises.

Despite my concerns over some of the messages the film sends to its younger viewers, it’s a fun movie to watch after a few chocolate martinis. I wouldn’t call it a good movie, but it was entertaining.

LA Viewers: I’d check out a matinee if you’re curious about vampire babies and hilarious arguing wolves.

Non-LA Viewers: the same goes for you.

Sidenote: This picture is not actually from the movie, but came up during a google images search for “Twilight wolves” and it amused me, so I am sharing it here with all of you. Enjoy!

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Two Blondes Go To A Movie: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

August 4, 2010

ALISON SAYS:

So yeah, I’m not 13 and I did go see Eclipse. Sure, I was a little embarrassed walking into the Burbank theater, worrying someone I know (besides Jessica) would see me and ask, “Hey, are you going to see the Twilight movie? Does that mean you’ve read the books too?” And I would answer haltingly, “No. Of course not.”  But yes, I read the books. I didn’t think they were great, but they passed the time and are entertaining.  Same with the movies.

I think the quality of the series has increased with each film.  I didn’t laugh quite as much when Edward sparkled or when the vampires did their crazy fast running.  The opening scene was pretty cool for a teen film.  Also, Robert Pattinson is very handsome. Very, very handsome.  And Taylor Lautner has incredible abs. Jessica and I were sitting next to two women (grown women, not teenage girls) who were gasping when those two were onscreen,  They were VERY moved by the “romantic” scenes.  So that added a whole new level to our filmgoing experience.  Mostly, I found myself either giggling or slightly bored.

LA Viewers – I’d say wait for the DVD, unless you’re a 13-year-old girl. But going by the box office reports, I’m pretty sure you’re not going to listen to me.

Translation for non LA viewers – Same goes for you.

JESSICA SAYS:

First off, I will admit that I have now seen The Twilight Saga: Eclipse twice in the
movie theatre. Twice. I saw it the first time back when it was a relatively new
release. Alison and I decided to review it, but by the time we decided to do a
review I had pretty much forgotten anything I initially had to say about it. So, I
agreed to re-screen it with Alison. The only problem is that now, after seeing it
twice, I still don’t really have a lot to say about it. Here’s what I can say:
• It’s the best of the three Twilight films so far.
• I’ve had a crush on Robert Pattinson since I solely knew him as the-guy-
who-played-Cedric-Diggory, but after his recent growth spurt (because
he’s actually young enough to still be growing), I’m warming to Taylor
Lautner. As I’ve said before, on the outside I’m Team Edward, but my
inner pedophile is totally Team Jacob.


•The special effects, while still cheesy, are leaps and bounds better than

the first Twilight.
• Can we all agree that it’s a little ridiculous to call it, “The Twilight Saga?”
Saga? Really? All right, teenage girls, stop shouting and throwing things
at me.
That’s pretty much it, except one last tidbit. I called my mom when I was on
the way to pick up Alison. I told Mom we were going to see Eclipse. Mom’s
response was, “Well. That’s one I won’t be seeing.” Now, you might be
thinking, “Oh, Jessica’s mom has decent taste in movies. That’s why she doesn’t
want to see Twilight.” If that’s what you’re thinking, you’re wrong. My mom
was so adamant that she wouldn’t see it because she is a ‘Pollyanna.’ That’s
her description of herself. What she means by ‘Pollyanna’ is basically that she
refuses to watch or enjoy anything she deems dirty or violent; which means she
turns up her nose at anything from The Simpsons (that Bart sure is disrespectful
of authorities) to Pulp Fiction (swearing, violence, sex, drug use, etc., etc., etc.).
Because she knows Twilight is about vampires, she won’t see it—no matter
how much I tell her that she would actually probably like it because really, it’s a
romance and a morality tale about the importance of keeping one’s virginity until
marriage. Nope, Phyllis is having none of it. Vampires? She’s out.
I would tell you this movie is OK to see as a matinee, but let’s be honest – if you
had any desire to see it, you probably already have.