I moved into my current apartment in Los Angeles just over two years ago. It’s a v. cute, old building – Art Deco, built in the 1920s, etc. However, it is in a neighborhood that has its sketchier bits. It seems that the combination of Art Deco and a slightly dodgy neighborhood attracts hipsters like moths to a flame.
Anyway, I quickly learned that people like to film in my building…a lot. The first thing that was filmed there after I moved in was (500) Days of Summer. I looked it up on IMDb when I saw the notice of filming signs and was not all that surprised to find that it seemed to actually be a film about LA hipsters. It stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel (the reigning queen of hipsterdom) as two young Angelinos, who meet, fall in love, yadda, yadda. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not entirely anti-hipster (as I’m realizing I might sound). It’s just that I tire easily of the whole aren’t-I-cool-the-way-ironically-like-things-from-two-decades-ago. So, I was intrigued by the movie, not only because I knew it would feature my home, but also because I find Zooey Deschanel to be quite charming. Did you see her sing in Elf? Adorable! Here’s a shot from the film of Deschanel and Gordon-Levitt on my roof:
(500) Days of Summer won me over fairly easily. It’s a pretty charming little story. The opening narration warns you that, “this is not a love story,” and that is true, kind of. It is a love story, just not a story of everlasting love. I’ll give kudos to Marc Webb (director), Scott Neustadter (writer), and Michael H. Webber (writer) for managing to tell the story of a man getting his heart broken without being overly sentimental or depressing. The title, (500) Days of Summer, refers to the 500 days the relationship between the main characters, Summer and Tom, lasts.
The film has a great soundtrack, even if it does heavily feature songs by The Smiths, a band of which I am not a huge fan. I have been known to rock out to the blue-eyed soul styling of Hall & Oates on many an occasion, so imagine my joy when there was an entire dance sequence in the film choreographed to their hit, “You Make My Dreams Come True.” Awesome!
I recommend seeing (500) Days of Summer, but you should try to go quickly because it’s been in theatres for a while now. It would make a good date movie.
Today we are featuring a guest ‘blonde,’ Amy Rosenbloom, and her review of Public Enemies.
AMY SAYS:
While cat-sitting for my cousin, my boyfriend and I had the itch to see a movie at the nearby, very cheap Highland Theaters. Our choices were Transformers 2: Revenge of the Nausea-Inducing Dialogue, The Proposal(of a Predictable Rom-Com Plotline), and Public Enemies. A 1930’s shoot-‘em-up with Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, and Marion Cotillard based on the true story of a larger-than-life gangster? What’s not to like?
You’d be surprised.
I tried to like this movie. I really did. It’s fun to watch Johnny Depp breeze through bank robberies and prison breaks with more confidence than you could shake a stick (or shoot a Tommy gun) at. It’s fun to see Christian Bale lose himself in the persona of a freshly minted FBI agent who just wants to do what’s right. And it’s fun to watch Marion Cotillard fall in love with John Dillinger, the anti-hero of the Great Depression, and the promise of both sweeping romance and extravagant riches.
But, eh.
About an hour in, I was bored. Some scenes are too long and/or unnecessary. I didn’t even know who some people were supposed to be. Baby Face Nelson shows up, and no one acknowledges who he is until two or three scenes later. Giovanni Ribisi appears as…some guy with glasses? I guess?
And as picky film/TV nerds, my boyfriend and I giggled at the harsh lighting during the night scenes (the many, many night scenes):
Me: I didn’t know they had 1Ks in the woods back then.
Boyfriend: Eh, maybe 5Ks with filters to cut them down.
End nerdy snark.
There is also an epic shootout in the woods outside John Dillinger’s Wisconsin log cabin hideout, but I couldn’t tell who was shot. (By the way, I found out the shootout was in Wisconsin from Wikipedia because the movie doesn’t provide nearly enough historical context.) For a moment, a guy with Dillinger’s haircut falls down from a gunshot wound, and the only reason I knew it wasn’t Dillinger was that the movie had about an hour to go. The writers wouldn’t kill him off that early; there’s no way.
Another big aspect of the movie I didn’t like was that I didn’t know if I was supposed to root for the FBI or against them. They are just kind of…there. At times, they appear to be virtuous men who desire to deliver justice, and at others, they are simply bumbling oafs who make the bad guys look downright intelligent. Should I cheer for the dashing bad guy, even though the good guys win in the end? (Sorry for the slight spoiler, but you could find that out just by Googling Dillinger*.) If I don’t know who the hero is, how am I supposed to invest my emotions in this movie?
That being said, every negative review of this movie has put in a good word about Michael Mann, since he is capable of producing/directing/writing better than this. I’m adding my review to that list.
LA Viewers: You can definitely wait until this shows up on HBO or basic cable, but if you need to go to a movie theater right now and can’t find a proper alternative to Transformers 2: Revenge of Shia The Beef, then find a super cheap theater like Highland Theaters in Highland Park, The Vista in Silver Lake, or The Los Feliz 3 in…Los Feliz.
Translation for non-LA viewers: Same deal, only I’m sure you won’t have as much difficulty finding a cheap movie theater.
*Googling Dillinger is my new quirky indie flick about a girl who, after constantly surfing the web in search of stories about her hero, John Dillinger, is surprised to find him in her bedroom after a freak electrical storm brings him out of the 1930s and into the 21st century. Coming to a theater near you in 2012.
**Here is the lovely, Ms. Rosenbloom. Note, she is not an actual blonde, but she does like movies.
Two Blondes review a movie and mostly rambles about themselves.
JESSICA SAYS:
I will acknowledge that we are late in writing this review. Alison and I saw The Hangover weeks ago, but between moving and changing jobs, life got in the way of our writing schedule. We’re back and settled in at our new homes and jobs now though. The only problem is, much like what takes place in The Hangover, I’m struggling to remember exactly what I experienced watching it. I know it was awesome, but I’m trying to remember exactly what made it so…
Ah yes, it’s starting to come back to me – the delicious Mr. Bradley Cooper! So…I may have had a *slight* crush on Bradley Cooper for the past six or seven years – ever since I came to know him as ‘Will’ on Alias. By *slight* crush I mean that a few years ago I met a girl through my flatmate who had dated/was dating one of Bradley’s costars of Kitchen Confidential. I think I squeaked out, “Kitchen Confidential, with Bradley Cooper?!”
She replied, “Oh yeah, Bradley’s lovely…”
Me: “You know him?”
Her: “Yeah, he’s a bit mental…” (and I’m using the ellipses there because that’s where I stopped listening and started imagining the long and happy life Bradley and I would lead together after this girl set the two of us up. She could have been saying he enjoys harming puppies and I would not have heard a word of it.)
Besides Bradley, what’s not to love in the other two stars, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis? They are adorably funny men. Just as proof on how funny they are, here is a clip from Zach Galifianakis’s Funny or Die interview series, “Between Two Ferns.” Oh yeah, there’s a v. cute baby wearing sunglasses in the film too! All in all, The Hangover is a fun, funny movie. A tiger loose in a bathroom, Mike Tyson singing Phil Collins, roofies – you can’t go wrong.
I recommend seeing The Hangover in the theater (although most of you probably already have by now). I even recommend it to my mom, who will probably pretend she is offended by some of the bluer jokes, but she will still laugh at them.
ALISON SAYS:
You know a hangover is bad when it takes you over a month to review a movie that was probably one of your favorites of the past 5 years. Okay, I may be exaggerating just for the sake of having a dramatic first sentence to this review, but the truth is I was hungover when I went to see The Hangover. I believe it was from tequila. There isn’t anything much worse than a tequila hangover. Especially if you’re someone like me who doesn’t drink very often and thus has a super low tolerance (I’m a cheap date). I didn’t wake up with a tiger in the bathroom, but I did wake up wondering about some of my tequila-induced choices from the night before. Like ironically dancing on a bar. Even if you were doing it ironically (to make fun of the girls who were doing it for real), it may still be a choice that could prevent one’s future bid for Congress. Luckily I work in comedy and have no political aspirations. Anyway, back to the movie review…
I loved this movie. There are soooooooo many movies that call themselves comedies, where you’re lucky to even laugh once. I was laughing (big guffaws) throughout the entire film and the revealing title sequence. I find the term side splitting to be cheesy, but it’s an accurate one for this film. It’s fucking funny (I realize I just used the f-word, but it’s accurate – this movie is fucking funny). And what an awesome cast. Bradley Cooper is as funny as he is easy on the eyes, am I right ladies? (This is where IF Jessica and I wrote sitting side by side, we’d high five, but we don’t, so no high five for now.) I’ve always liked Ed Helms from his work on The Office, but now I’d say he’s inching his way into the love list with little hearts next to his name. He really holds his own in a huge summer movie. And then there’s Zach Galifianakis…if I could do a cartwheel in his name, I would. He’s awesome. I was already a huge fan from his work on “Between Two Ferns” (see above link). He can make anything funny. And I would say he is the hilarious center of this movie’s success.
LA Viewers: You’ve probably already seen it by the time I’ve written this review, but if you haven’t, go now and then watch Between Two Ferns on Funny or Die. Worth paying full price at the Grove or Arclight.
Translation for non-LA viewers: Unless you’re my mom, go see it right now (Mom, if you’re reading this, you will not like this movie). Go with friends and laugh your ass off.
Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves.
JESSICA SAYS:
I’m pretty much on board for anything involving J.J. Abrams. I have also been a closeted Star Trek fan (I will avoid use of the word I hear some Trek fans find offensive) for close to 12 years now. So you can imagine my delight when I heard J.J. Abrams was tackling a new Star Trek movie. There are a couple of caveats I should note to my love for Mr. Abrams and Star Trek before we go any further: 1.) I did not love Armageddon, nor did I love Cloverfield. I didn’t hate them either. Fringe took a bit to grow on me, but I’m hooked now, so it’s not a blind love I have for Mr. Abrams; 2.) I’m really only a closeted fan of Star Trek: Voyager. Yes, I know Voyager gets malinged by many, but I like Capt. Kathryn Janeway, Seven of Nine, etc. Judge me if you will. I have only ever seen a handful of the other various TV incarnations and none of the films.
So, I was very excited at the mere idea of a J.J. Abrams-helmed Star Trek retooling, but I tried to keep my expectations in check (I learned my lesson from Cloverfield). Then I saw the first preview and was filled with joy, much like a child who desperately wants a new bike and sees a bike-shaped present under the tree on Christmas Eve. Even still I resisted allowing my expectations to inflate to unrealistic heights, but, as any fan knows, ‘Resistance is futile.’
I had big expectations and guess what? I was not disappointed. I loved every minute of this movie. I can’t remember the last big tent-pole, summer movie I have seen that I enjoyed this much (that includes The Dark Knight). My mom was in town visiting from Missouri, so Alison and I took her to see Star Trek at the Arclight’s Cinerama dome in Hollywood. When I told mom that was the plan, she seemed less than enthused. Unlike me, my mother is not the kind of person who has the patience nor desire to devote countless hours of her life to watch shows about time travel (Lost…and Alias and Star Trek, but more on that in a sec.) or super spys (Alias). Felicity is more Mom’s speed. Guess what? Mom loved it too! I believe her quote at lunch afterwards was, “It was one of those movies that is so entertaining that when you have to go to the bathroom, you just hold it because you don’t want to miss anything.” I laughed, I cried (well not technically crying, but a little glassy-eyed), I was on the edge of my seat, I cheered.
Kudos to Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci for a great script. I loved the casting with two excetptions: Winona Ryder and Tyler Perry. It’s not that either of them were bad or wrong for their parts, it’s just that they both played relatively small roles. Their roles were so small that it was distracting to have such famous people playing them. All of the sudden you go, “Hey, is that Tyler Perry?,” and you get pulled out of the story for a second. The main cast was great (Chris Pine, welcome to stardom). I can’t wait to see the next two films in which they are all contractually obliged to appear. One more tiny criticism. There is a fight scene that is so reminiscent to the scene in Empire Strikes Back where Luke loses his hand that even my mom noticed and commented on it. Was that an intentional homage? Why?
In conclusion (which, by the way, is how I started the conclusion paragraph of every essay in high school AP classes), I recommend you go see this movie right now. Don’t even bother to shut down. I will probably be going a second time.
p.s. Any other J.J. Abrams fans out there notice that he is apparently really into all-powerful, red swirling balls (Alias and Star Trek)? Time travel too (Alias, Star Trek, and Lost).
ALISON SAYS:
Star Trek made me happy.Like insanely happy.Where I was clapping with glee and at times looking at the screen with my hand under my chin, intent and thoroughly entertained.It kinda reminded me of meeting a really cute guy you click with.And then later whenever you think about him you smile and/or giggle.And yes, I realize the irony of comparing something as nerdy as Star Trek to dating.
Jessica and I watched Star Trek at the Arclight Dome in Hollywood with her lovely mother, Phyllis.Right before the movie, I ran into about 500 friends in the lobby and realized I know a lot of film nerds, myself included.I ran into some of my friends after the movie as well and everyone seemed to have the same level of excitement and happiness as I did.It was one of those rare moviegoing experiences, where you feel the entire theater’s enjoyment.Everyone had a good time and was moved (Sidenote: there may have been a part in the movie where I may have teared up a little…).
I was not a Star Trek fan in the past.I’d seen the TV show a few times as a kid, but was never a dedicated viewer.So I may have been more open to a new interpretation of it than some Trekkies.Also, I’m a huge J.J. Abrams fan.If I didn’t think fan mail was creepy, I would write him a letter every week saying how much I love Lost.I think J.J. Abrams is a master storyteller and Star Trek is just one more example of what will continue to be an amazing career.
I think Jessica’s mom’s quote sums it up best:
“It was so completely entertaining, that when I had to go to the bathroom, I wasn’t going to get up to leave.”
LA Viewers:Go see it now at the Arclight Dome.Hurry!
Translation for non-LA Viewers: Why haven’t you seen it yet?
If the previews before your movie you are about to see are all animated, star talking animals, or involve Eddie Murphy playing a dad, it’s probably a good indication that movie you paid 10 bucks plus parking to see is not meant for your demographic. If that is not clear enough for you here is a “creeper scale” to help you figure out how much of a creeper you will look like if you see this movie:
See 12 year old girl: normal. Mom or Dad just above that. 26 year old woman you’re already at the age where kids start to look at you and think “Stranger Danger” even if you think you’re hip enough to see a Disney kids movie. Next to that is a gay dude. Cause at first you think “What are those two guys doing seeing Hannah Montana: The Movie” and then you go “Ohhhh, it’s a date. Oh yeah I can see how there’s some serious kitch factor to Miley Cyrus”. Above that is a straight dude. If you are a straight male seeing this movie alone (even if it’s cause you lost a bet) you are going to look like a major creeper. And if you are seeing this movie alone you probably are. And wayyyy above that is Billy Ray Cyrus in this movie (but more on that in a minute).
Here’s the gist of Hannah Montana: The Movie:
Miley Stewart played by by Miley Cyrus is just your average teenage girl trying to live out every tween’s dream: the life and career of one of the world’s biggest pop stars and the life of an average high schooler. But how can Miley have the “best of both worlds”? Leave it to daddy Robby Ray (played by real life dad billy ray) to figure that out. Slap on a blonde wig and some chintzy big earrings and faster than you can say “clarkkentissuperman” you’ve got yourself a secret identity. Somewhere along the way Miley has gotten way to attached to the fame and perks of being Hannah. So her dad decides to wrangle her back to her hometown of Crowley, Tennessee to visit her Grandma and get back to her roots. Along the way Miley will fall in love, try to avoid a British tabloid reporter out to get the scoop on Hannah’s big secret, save a town with her music, and have many, many, many prat falls.
Let me just say that the movie opens with Miley and her BFF Lilly (Emily Osment sister of Hayley Joel) trying to get in to an arena where “Hannah” will be performing. Miley is running late to her own concert but the guy at the front wont let them in. She and Lilly will have to sneak in. And I thought to myself, (and by thought i mean, shouted to the movie screen) “As if!” As if, Miley wouldn’t have a cell phone (probably an iPhone) to call her dad and be like “Dad I’m late let me in!”. And, as if the security backstage wouldn’t have been alerted that if they see a girl who looks a lot like Hannah Montana but with brown hair is walking around she is not a security threat. Saying things like this and laughing at the movie actually isn’t as fun as you would think or as fun as I expect. It actually of makes you feel like a lone Miranda in a sea of Charlottes. You think, “When did i get to be such a cynical old biotch? But I also wonder if i would have ever been into Miley at 13. Would I have idolized her? At 13 i loved movies like Adventures in Babysitting and Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead and The Babysitters Club (wow I must have had a thing for movies with Babysitter in the title). But at least those movies involved swearing, kissing Josh Charles, and hiding your type 1 diabetes from a cute foreign exchange student.
I will say this, if you if you’ve got a big sweet tooth for Taylor Swift, Rascal Flatts, country hoedowns, and saccharin teen pop music it might be worth it for you to see this movie inspite of all the obvious flaws. In spite of myself, the song “The Climb” gave me goosebumps and I went home and downloaded the hoedown throwdown) because i love songs where the dance is built right in. And in case you’re wondering, yes I taught myself the dance after many many watches on YouTube. So maybe I’m not such a miserable crone after all.
But I can’t in good consciousness recommend this movie. Unless you’re babysitting your niece or are a huge Miley fan just wait and Netflix it if you’re curious at all what it’s like. There are so many other things you could put your 10 dollars (plus parking) towards. Instead, take 2 of those 10 dollars and download “The Climb” and “Hoedown Throwdown” and watch an old episode of Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel. You’ll be happy driving around in your car for a good week and after watching 22 minutes of Miley on TV, glad you dodged a bullet.
Some thoughts on the movie from an ADD’d mind that can’t consolidate these into lovely paragraphs:
Tyra Banks is in this movie. Now, I know Tyra is trying to model her career after Oprah. Well here’s something Oprah would NEVER do: a cameo in a Hannah Montana movie. She did The Color Purple, a movie directed by Steven Spielberg. She didn’t have a fake fight with Miley Cyrus on screen over shoes.
This movie is SKAWEEEKY clean. I don’t know if they ran they film negative through Purell or rubbing alcohol before they sent it to be edited or what. But there is not one swear word, zero violence, and zero kissing. That’s right. There’s a barely legal hunky cowboy and you don’t even get to see them kiss. Sorry to disappoint all you twelve-ies.
But because of the Disney sanitation of this film all of the jokes have to come from over the top, slap stick bits. And these bits go on FOR-EV-EVER. You just sit there and go this wasn’t that funny and it just keeps wandering off into further unfunnydom.
In fact, the only thing questionable about this film is the way Hannah Montana dresses. She looks like she shops in the skank section of Forever 21 who probably smells like a combination of 2 different Victoria Secret Body Sprays. I’m relieved that cowboy Travis prefers Miley to Hannah. It sends a message you young girls out there that you don’t have to dress like a tart to impress a boy.
Why is it that movies with a secret identity eventually unravel over a double booked dinner date (a la Mrs. Doubtfire)?
With out giving too much away this movie had one of the most intense emotional scenes to involve a revolving door that I have ever witnessed in a movie. I don’t want to say too much but it had me in tears I was laughing so hard.
Billy Ray Cyrus. It is impossible to watch this movie and not think of that Annie Liebovitz Vanity Fair spread of the two of them nuzzling. I simply can’t trust a dad with a soul patch with a teenage daughter. Especially a dad who has found a way to use his daughter’s success to his own career advantage. I’m not sure who is a creepier Dad-ager him or Joe Simpson.
Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves:
ALISON SAYS:
There are a lot of beautiful people in LA. Like, a lot. And many of them haven’t developed much of a personality because of their ridiculous good looks. Sometimes holding a conversation with these types of people can be painful. On one hand, you’re dazzled by their amazing looks and it feels like being in the warm glow of the sun. But then they open their mouths and you want to yell, “Shhhhhh, no talking!” This sort of sums up how I felt about watching Monsters vs Aliens.
The animation is amazing and fun. DreamWorks has reached new levels of being awesome when it comes to the production of an animated movie. I saw this film in IMAX and 3-D, which was super cool. My favorite of the visuals was B.O.B. the blob (voiced by Seth Rogen). But in terms of the script and “jokes,” (yes, those quotes are meant to be snarky), I just wasn’t impressed. I was so excited to see this film. The premise seemed really funny and I can’t imagine a more talented cast (Reese Witherspoon, Hugh Laurie, Wil Arnett, Rainn Wilson), but their comedic talents just didn’t translate. I can count the number of times I laughed on one hand (or on the hand of a chainsaw artist I know who’s missing several fingers). A lot of the jokes fell flat and I may even have heard Jessica groan and/or sigh several times.
That said, I’m still really excited they had a main character who’s a girl and who kicks ass (not just because she’s a giant).
LA Viewers: The animation is worth paying a matinee price. Especially if you’re as high as the guy who sat near Jessica and I (he reeked of a certain substance that Woody Harrelson is a huge fan of).
Translation for non LA-viewers: If you don’t have a theater near you that offers 3-D viewings, wait for the DVD.
JESSICA SAYS:
There is a very essential thing about myself that I was reminded of by going to this movie: I don’t like having to deal with the public. You see, Alison and I saw Monsters vs Aliens 3-D at the IMAX theater at Universal City Walk which, on a Friday night, is almost as bad as being in the airport security line on the day before Thanksgiving. I know that shouldn’t affect my review of the movie, but I was sufficiently annoyed and ready for some charming animation to cheer me up after fighting through crowds of tourists, waiting in line behind teenage boys acting like idiots to impress teenage girls, and couples so engrossed in their PDA that the world could collapse around them and they wouldn’t notice. (Although for the latter Alison did provide an entertaining inner monologue for the couples, “I’ve never felt this way before *giggle*giggle*.”)
Monsters vs Aliens didn’t really charm or cheer me up. The ads looked cute. I had high hopes. I like Stephen Colbert, Seth Rogen and Reese Witherspoon, who provide voices. It just fell flat. Monsters vs Aliens had great animation, especially the bit in space at the beginning, but the story felt so disjointed. It starts out as a story about how a woman, Susan (Witherspoon), gains self-confidence after she is struck by a meteor on her wedding day and grows exponentially taller. Then it jumps to a X-Men-meets-Mars Attacks story where a rag-tag group of mutants/monsters are the only beings able to defend Earth against evil aliens. In between those two stories there is a random Dr. Strangelove homage in ‘the war room,’ but it’s like one of the writers thought, “What if it’s like Dr. Strangelove, but George W. Bush is the president?!” I think we all know kids these days can’t get enough dark political satire references in their cartoons.
Sadly, I don’t recommend seeing Monsters vs Aliens. I know if you have small kids and want to see a movie, you don’t really have other options right now. To be entirely honest, if I didn’t have to write a review on it, I might have left halfway through. Keep in mind though, I was already crabby going into it. Have you seen it? If so, am I wrong and just a crabby-appleton? IMAX = always awesome. The 3-D animation of outer space at the beginning = awesome. The story, jokes, direction, etc. = uhhh…
Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves:
JESSICA SAYS:
I am calling it now – I will officially be sick of hearing people say, “Slappin’ da bass,” as of 2:00pm today. It’s a line fromI Love You, Man, the new comedy starring Jason Segel and Paul Rudd. It’s a funny joke even, but it will soon be as annoying to me as, “Whasssssuuuuup!” You see (and I’m mostly directing this as the same demographic of people who are really big Dave Matthews Band fans), yes, the, “Slappin’ da bass,” moment in I Love You, Man was funny. I laughed heartily out loud, but only in the context of the movie. However, when you say random jokes you heard in a movie/commercial/TV show at awkward moments in conversation? Not funny, just irritating and people are only laughing with you because it would be too painfully awkward otherwise. Thank you. (I’m considering submitting this to NBC for their ‘The More You Know’ PSA campaign.)
I know a lot of girls crush on Paul Rudd and he is utterly charming, but what I want to know is will Jason Segel be my boyfriend? I do mean Jason Segel and not Sydney Fife, his character. Sydney is a bit too man-childish for my taste, but actual Jason Segel seems adorable. My crush began after seeing him in Freaks and Geeks and has only grown stronger since.
I Love You, Man is the story of Peter Klaven (Rudd). Peter is the kind of guy who has always had a girlfriend, and as such, has neglected any male friendships he may have once had. When he and his fiancee (Rashida Jones) start planning their wedding, she realizes Peter doesn’t really have a best friend to be his best man. So Peter goes on a bit of a quest to find a best friend and in the process meets Syndney Fife (Segel) who is basically his opposite in the romance department. The two begin what can only be called a bromance built on a love of one particular Canadian prog-rock band who had a hit song named for a Mark Twain novel.
When you add Paul Rudd and Jason Segel together, plus throw in a little splash of Rashida Jones, I had faith that even if it turned out to be a not-so-hot script, the movie would be mildly entertaining. I was pleased to find I Love You, Man downright funny. So go see it. It’s worth the theatre price and would make a pretty good date movie.
Oh yeah, and especially go see this if you like the band, Rush.
ALISON SAYS:
Don’t go see I Love You, Man if you hate laughter. It’s a damn funny movie. I really hope my mom isn’t reading this, because she considers “damn” a swear word, despite the fact that she uses the “s-word” when the family pets get underfoot.
Anyway, I was very, very amused by I Love You, Man, as was the entire theater I saw the movie with. There was a consistent level of laughter that you don’t always see with movies that are considered “comedies.” I even heard some guffawing from the very heavy man sitting next to me. Maybe the guffaws were a result of his weight, but I think it was the high level of funny in the film. There’s just so many things to love. First, let’s talk about Rashida Jones. I already liked her, because of her work on The Office, but now I must say I love her a little with her adorable nose freckles and cute -T-shirts and cardigan outfits. The girl is funny and pretty and makes you understand why someone like Paul Rudd would propose to her.
This past month, I have slightly fallen for Paul Rudd, in a non-sexual, “Wow-that-guy-is-super-talented-and-really- charming-and-maybe-I’ll-just-brush-my-hair-today” kind of way. I’d always thought he was funny and liked other movies he’d been in. Two weeks ago I watched Role Models on Netflix, which Rudd co-starred in and co-wrote the screenplay for and it was freaking awesome and he was awesome in it. Then I go and see this movie. While watching it, I felt myself getting a middle school crush on him. He’s so charming and sweet and vulnerable, which is not usually my thing (my thing is Viggo Mortenson in Lord of the Rings), but after the movie, I found myself wondering if there are a line of Paul Rudd pillow cases out there. Not that I would actually put one on my bed, I’m a grown woman, but it would be fun to own. I would also consider purchasing a J.K. Simmons pillow case, cause he is one of my favorite actors and is superbly funny in the film as well.
It’s a great cast. Jason Segel is perfect as that guy who doesn’t want to grow up, and might make lots of mistakes, but you find him endearing anyway. Jon Favreau and Jamie Presley were hilarious as a couple. I really loved Sarah Burns as Hailey, the hopelessly single best friend. I read on IMDB that she started her career dressing up as Barney. I’m glad she got a chance to show how funny she is. Also I was excited to see Liz Krakowski (of “The Jeannie Tate Show“) on screen, even if for a brief amount of time.
LA Viewers: Go see it. You’ll laugh and think about purchasing Paul Rudd pillow cases.
Translation for non-LA viewers: Same goes for you.
Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves:
ALISON SAYS:
My head’s a very interesting place to be. There’s unicorns, rainbows, ghosts, funny anecdotes, Angelina Jolie, rainbow sprinkle cookieland, wonderment, etc. But Coraline’s world might be a tad cooler.
I was lucky enough to live in a city where I could go see Coraline in 3-D and that was pretty amazing. It is an experience. It’s like taking a bath in imagination. And then suddenly someone adds a big dash of crazy nightmares that might be a result of eating too much candy before bed.
The movie is creepy, beautiful and spectacular, which shouldn’t come as a shock, since it was directed by Henry Selick (The Nightmare Before Christmas). I loved being in that world and being along for the ride.
LA Viewers: Go see it in 3-D.
Translation for non-LA viewers: Same goes for you. I don’t care if you live in a barn in the middle of nowhere.
JESSICA SAYS:
Reason #482 for me to be annoyed by (the) Jonas Brothers:I showed up at the theater all excited to see Coraline in 3-D.The usher took our tickets and pointed us toward the right theater.I asked where we get our 3-D glasses.That’s when I was informed that, despite what was posted online, the movie theater decided to show Jonas Brothers:the 3-D Concert Experience on the only 3-D screen at the theater.
After seeing the film, I now know that I really was cheated by not seeing Coraline in 3-D.The animation in this film (for the most part, but I’ll get to that in a second) is spectacular.This style of stop-motion animation uses real materials, just on a very small scale.Even without seeing it in 3-D, you can see the actual fibers that make up everything on screen.
Coraline is the story of a girl who moves to a new apartment in a strange house filled with odd neighbors. The neighbors are so odd that, if you asked me, they all probably could benefit from some time in a comfortable mental facility. She is ignored by her parents and thus, escapes into a fantasy world (or is it?). Now I will be honest; I procrastinated writing this review for a long time and I still and not 100% certain what I think or want to say about Coraline. I think it comes down to the fact that the visuals are so great that they sort of cover the fact that I didn’t find the story that engrossing. The story is definitely supposed to be a parable, but about what, I’m not entirely sure. Is the lesson parents who ignore you are better than seemingly perfect parents who want to take your eyeballs? Is the lesson, even though reality can suck, it’s better than fantasy? I guess my point is – what was the point?
My only negative comment on the animation side of the film happens toward the end. As Coraline’s alternate reality starts to unravel…literally…things get bizarre. I understand the effect they were going for, but the look of the animation as her fantasy world unravelled seemed so out of whack with the rest of the film. Now a warning, I’m about to get a bit snarky, but…
Teri Hatcher voices Coraline’s mother. You know how you can always see a little bit of the voice actor in the drawing of the character? For instance, you can see Tom Hanks and Tim Allen in the way Woody and Buzz Lightyear look and move. Well, I didn’t see any of Teri Hatcher in the original incarnation of Coraline’s mother. That is, until things started to go pear-shaped in Coraline’s fantasy world and her mother morphed into a scary skeletal-looking woman and eventually became a spider. The scarier the character was drawn the more she looked like the real Teri Hatcher. I don’t entirely understand why that is. I mean, yes, she is a bit on the scarily thin side of things, but I think Teri Hatcher is a lovely woman.
Coraline as a whole is good, but not great. The animation is fantastic, but they could take a few notes from Pixar on how to structure a cohesive story. I’m going to say if you can see it in 3-D, do. Otherwise wait for the DVD.
Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves:
JESSICA SAYS:
Are you starting to get a little depressed after suffering through an economic ‘downturn’ or ‘recession’ or ‘complete and total implosion’ or whatever you want to call it? Sick of the malaise of winter (I know, I live in LA, but I remember what it’s like elsewhere) and ready for a little pick me up? Well, have ‘the producers of Little Miss Sunshine’ got just the thing for you! Sunshine Cleaning! You know how Amazon will give you those, “If you like Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, then you’ll also like…The Hobbit?” Well, the correlation between Sunshine Cleaning and Little Miss Sunshine is too great to ignore, so if you loved Little Miss Sunshine and you want to see the exact same movie again, then might I suggestSunshine Cleaning!
I’m not saying the fact that they are twins is necessarily bad. I liked Little Miss Sunshine. I was throughly entertained watching Sunshine Cleaning. Alan Arkin plays exactly the same role in both films, but hey – it won him an Oscar the first time around, so why not give it another go? I’m not sure there are two more charming actresses working these days than Amy Adams and Emily Blunt. Plus, I adore Mary Lynn Rajskub. She’s quirky, smart, and perfectly cast in her role here. In someone else’s hands Rajskub’s character could have ended up a bit pathetic. On a side note, I never really realized what a rockin’ little body Amy Adams has on her, but you see her in various stages of undress several times in this film and she manages to be even more adorable in a bra and panties than fully clothed.
In case you aren’t familiar with the plot, two down on their luck sisters decide to start a crime scene clean-up business. However, they are a little short of the knowledge and required training certificates for such a job. Chaos, hilarity, and emotional growth ensue. I was impressed with what I felt was a pretty accurate portrayal of the remarkable relationship between sisters (and I have two of my own). You love each other, you are annoyed by each other, but no one will ever understand you the same way that your sibling does. It made me miss my sisters a little bit.
I recommend seeing Sunshine Cleaning in theaters. I mean, we all need a little pick me up and if we all go out to the movies, it pumps cash back into the economy. It’s a win-win!
ALISON SAYS:
I remember reading an article about people who ran a business cleaning up crime scenes and thinking that would make a good movie. And it did. Of course when you add Amy Adams, Emily Blunt and Alan Arkin, it’s hard not to make something that’s going to be entertaining.
I’m so glad someone like Amy Adams made it to the top of the heap of the many, many actors in the world. She’s always a delight and eternally charming and really good as Rose Lorkowski. Of course she had another wonderful actress, Emily Blunt, to play off of. These are two women who gained big careers out of small roles in previous films, and I can’t think of anyone who deserves it more.
Can we also talk about Clifton Collins Jr? I’ve never been the type of girl to crush on a guy who makes model helicopters and has a long greasy ponytail, but Collins is amazing as Winston. There’s a sweetness and quiet strength that just draws you in, despite the character’s ponytail.
I was super excited when I realized this film was written by a woman and directed by another woman. Can I get a “what what” for girl power? Okay, I realize I may lose both Jessica and a large percentage of my audience for that last sentence, but sometimes it’s okay to show enthusiasm in a nerdy, outdated manner, especially when it’s enthusiasm for female filmmakers. As a whole, I enjoyed the film immensely. I laughed a lot (along with the packed house at Arclight). I even felt a tad choked up during one sad scene that I knew was coming (it was in the trailer), and was annoyed at myself for being so manipulated.
There were definitely some predictable plot points and character background that you could see coming from a mile away, but I was still glad I went to see it.
LA Viewers: Go check out a matinee at Arclight.
Translation for non-LA viewers: Yay for matinees and yay for movie theater popcorn!
Two Blondes (plus a guest “Blonde”) review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves:
We have something special for you folks today. Today we have guest “Blonde,” Jim Campolongo, weighing in on Watchmen along with Alison and Jessica:
ALISON SAYS:
Jessica and I went to see Watchmen at the dome at Arclight Hollywood. Before the movie started, Jessica turned to me and said: “I love movies.” I agreed and we sat back contentedly (not sure if that’s a word) into our theater seats ready to watch a movie, even one that was 2 hours and 45 minutes long.
I had not read the comic book series before seeing this film. I didn’t have the same expectations that some of the diehard Watchmen fans might have. All I really knew was what I had seen in the trailer and I heard there was going to be a lot of blue dong in the film. I had warned Jessica that I might giggle when the naked blue man appeared on screen, but some semblance of maturity must have taken over, cause I watched the movie like a grown-up rather than the twelve-year-old girl who lives inside my heart.
I thought the film rocked. My favorite part was the amazing opening sequence. I thoroughly enjoyed myself for all 2 hours and 45 minutes of it. I was blown away by the cinematography, the effects, the and by the sheer spectacle of it all. There’s a part of me that wonders if I would have enjoyed watching this film as much as I did if I hadn’t seen it in a theater like the Arclight. I’m not sure if it would have struck the same chord. Despite my enjoyment, I don’t think every plot point would stand up under close scrutiny. I wasn’t that into the ending, but was so happy to be watching a movie like this in a big, beautiful theater, that I didn’t care. Also some of the music was a little heavy-handed, but once again I was still happy and thrilled to be along for the ride.
And now for some fun random trivia regarding the people who created Watchmen. The director, Zack Snyder, turned down a chance to direct S.W.A.T., because it wouldn’t be rated R. I gotta give the guy props for knowing what he wants to work in. The film 300 would not have been the same if he had been forced to make a PG-13 film out of it. And one of the screenwriters, David Hayer, played a role on the show Major Dad.
LA Viewers: If you’re into violence and comic book movies, go see it at Arclight.
Translation for non-LA natives: It’s a really cool movie to see in the theaters, but it’s long, so don’t buy a large soda.
JESSICA SAYS:
I would like to start this review out with a warning to my mother: Mom, this is not a movie for you. You know how you don’t like any violence or sex in movies, much less gratuitous sex and violence? Yeah, don’t see this. It’s not your average PG-13 comic flick. The costumes alone would make you blush. I’m not even going to mention the full-frontal naked blue man because I’m sure Alison has. She couldn’t stop talking about it before the film started.
I don’t know a whole lot about comics (or graphic novels). Maybe that’s because I’m a girl, but I think I would probably enjoy them. I was just never exposed. I don’t know where you would have found comic books for sale in the tiny town I grew up in. I sort of feel like there is a whole pop culture world out there of which I’m not a part, by not knowing comics. So I guess what I’m saying is, don’t expect any, “It doesn’t match the glory of the comic,” kind of reviews from me.
I see most of the comic-based movies when they come out, and I must say, this is one of the better ones I’ve seen recently. All of these heroes are dark, twisty, and above all flawed. They are almost flawed to the point that it’s hard to root for any of them. Almost. I was pretty won over by Patrick Wilson’s Night Owl. It didn’t hurt that he’s pretty, besides playing the lone nice guy.
Most of all, what won me over about this film was the visual look. It somehow manages to be slick and gritty. It was, in a nutshell, exciting. It probably helped a little that Alison and I saw it in the Cinerama dome at the ArcLight in Hollywood. For those of you who don’t live in LA, the Cinerama dome is awesome. The experience there is how movies are made to be seen. It feels like an event. There are ushers who come out before the show to give a little talk that is half audience warm-up and half ‘please shut off your phone’ reminders. The screen wraps completely around your field of vision. The sound system is overpowering (almost a little too overpowering).
I recommend you go see this move, but only if you’re old enough that all the violence and sex in this movie can’t corrupt you any more than you have already been corrupted by rock-n-roll and cable TV. You should try to see it in IMAX or the Cinerama.
JIM, OUR GUEST “BLONDE,” SAYS:
Before we get into this review I have to admit something: I am not now, nor have I ever been, a blonde. There was one misguided attempt in seventh grade to streak my hair, but even then, the hydrogen peroxide shaded my locks a less than lovely pumpkin-vomit orange, leaving no trace of blonde anywhere except maybe within the act itself.
I will say this, though — I, like any red-blooded American male, love blondes. In spades. And I thank Alison and Jessica for the honorary club membership. I’ve been waiting for this ever since I bought those Green Day and Offspring CDs in middle school.
So without further ado, let’s get to the reviewin’…
Like a good chunk of our moviegoing public, I too saw Watchmen this weekend. And I’m baffled by my reaction. Why? Because I’m a nerd. Before we get all accusatory here on the interweb, trust me, I’ve got the nerd cred to prove it: I still hit the comic shop every Wednesday, own multiple Batman shirts, and did not see a girl naked in real life for several years longer than I care to admit. I’ve owned the graphic novel of Watchmen for over a decade now and revere it.
So imagine my surprise when I walked out the theater thinking the movie kinda sucked.
If I subtract my bias for the material, I’m left with a film that doesn’t engage me, plain and simple. Despite a well done set piece or two, the story lacked a sense of pace. There was no rhythm. No forward momentum. For example, just as we get an interesting helping of plot progression, the movie would pause for ten minutes to tell us how the character of Dr. Manhattan came to be. Or how anti-hero Rorschach lost his moral compass when confronted with a panty sniffing pedophile. This kind of non-linear presentation may be structurally sound in the novel, but it sure as shit doesn’t work in this film. While non-linear storytelling can be well executed in cinema, Watchmen’s dense source material plays as though its been compressed in all the wrong parts. As an average viewer, the character moments feel tangential, while the story’s mystery crawls at a snail’s pace, leaving me indifferent to both. I’m watching this thing from the POV of a dude wanting to be stimulated, but I’m feeling every second of the near-three hour runtime instead. And not in a good way.
Petty stuff like plot and character work aside, I also had massive problems with the music. Every song cue, from the opening Dylan track to the closing “Desolation Row” cover, felt so damn bush league. I’m still not over the crazy laughable sex scene set to Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” (Note to the baked film school undergrad who compiled the soundtrack: I’ve seen more subtlety on Cinemax after dark.)
All right, all right… So I’m ragging on the flick pretty hard. But I do think it’s warranted. Remember, I’m a nerd. When I add in my bias for the source material, I remember Watchmen is supposed to be a commentary on the comic book medium itself, demystifying the idea of the superhero and showing him as a possibly psychotic, flawed, and maybe less than average being.
So why does the movie treat us to delicately choreographed fight scenes in which our heroes emerge unscathed? Where they can perform daring feats of martial arts wire trickery set to amped techno music? In presenting these guys as bad-ass crime fighters, the film becomes the antithesis of the novel’s primary themes. Leaving the geek inside of me pissed enough to order more porn on my mom’s credit card, even though I know she’s gonna see the bill and ground me again.
I guess I can only blame one person for this inevitable exile: director Zack Snyder. To be fair, I’ve never been a huge fan of the guy. His Dawn of the Dead remake lost a lot of steam after the first ten minutes, and his follow-up 300 played like a vapid Lexus commercial for guys who won’t admit they subscribe to the Here! network. Snyder’s perception of cinematic cool has never been cerebral. It’s always been sex, violence, and rock and roll. Which may explain why the only thing he brings to this film is excess; excess in gore, violence, and even misogyny. The attempted rape of Silk Specter, for example, is far more brutal in the movie than the novel (check out the panels if you don’t believe me). It’s unnerving to me that this is where the filmmaker decides to step in and expand upon the source material.
Truth be told, the only thing I can’t accuse Zack Snyder of is being insincere. I truly believe the guy set out to make the most faithful adaptation of Watchmen possible. I just don’t think he understood a damn word of it.
And there you have it, a nerdy non-blonde’s review of moving picture. If you liked it, hurrah. If you hated it, blame Alison and Jessica.
Two blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves.
JESSICA SAYS:
My view on marijuana has changed over the years. As a teenager, I totally drank the Nancy Reagan Just Say No Kool-Aid (but only when it came to drugs—I was more than happy to overindulge in alcohol as a minor…and still am). I made it entirely through high school and college without ever lighting up, or toking, or whatever the kids are calling it. It wasn’t that hard to resist because unlike what they told us in the Just Say No club, if you say, “No thanks,” people don’t really pressure you. I was an officer in the Just Say No Club; media relations officer, which meant I went to the local radio station and recorded Just Say No ads (I also played the keyboard in the Just Say No jazz band). Vanity was my main reason for never smoking it, as it turns out. I’m horrible at inhaling. It’s embarrassing. I choke, cough, turn red, my eyes water, etc. Not what you want to happen when you’re trying to get the boy next to you to kiss you.
By the time I reached my mid-twenties, I started to realize that maybe it wasn’t such a big deal. In grad school, I decided to try it, just to say I had and to see what all the fuss was about. Again, unlike what Ms. Reagan told us, I was not automatically addicted. Like I had feared, my inability to inhale kept me to a one joint minimum and it had barely any effect on me. I became only slightly more giggly than normal.
My major concern going into this movie was that I didn’t have enough weed experience to get all the jokes. That wasn’t a problem. In the end, my main critique was that it was too long. I know this is not a novel critique for a Judd Apatow et al movie, but it was 1:52 and would have been much funnier at 1:30. The pot jokes were legitimately funny. It’s the action sequences that were way too long, and at risk of sounding like my mother, too violent. When I signed up for a stoner action adventure, I wasn’t expecting to see so many people meet their bloody demise.
So, I recommend renting this movie to watch as the second film on a staying-in night with friends. Pick something shorter as the main attraction.
ALISON SAYS:
Dear Seth Rogen,
Do you remember driving by me on Crescent Heights and 3rd six months ago? I furiously waved at you from my Blue Scion and may have even honked a couple times. No, it’s totally cool if you don’t remember.
Alison
Here’s my background, or lack thereof, when it comes to pot. In elementary school I was a star pupil when it came to Project Charlie (a drug education program). The teacher loved me, because I was and still am a nerd. She would repeat the mantra “You are special” over and over to make sure we knew we didn’t need drugs to be special. Being an only child, I was already aware of how special I was, but it was nice to see it confirmed in colored chalk up on the board.
At age thirteen, when I found out two of my friends were rowing out to the middle of our lake to get stoned, I was convinced every after school special I’d seen was about to come true. Certain that they were going to drown, I tried to save them by yelling from shore, “You’ll die out there!” My heroic efforts were mocked as they rowed farther away from me. Of course in the end, they didn’t drown. Nothing much happened at all, besides them probably enjoying the clouds more than usual.
In high school my sophomore year boyfriend, a former honors student and captain of his lacrosse team, started smoking weed after we broke up. He ended up getting kicked off the team and failing out of school. It only confirmed my every fear of the fall one takes when one experiments with drugs. Even at age 16, an age where you might not want to broadcast just how drug free and straight edge you are, I was running stop smoking programs in the student center at my school. I would shake pictures of darkened, damaged lungs at fellow classmates.
So, yeah, I was THAT girl. But despite my lack of experience with marijuana, I found Pineapple Express to be mostly hilarious. I laughed loud and often. Seth Rogen and James Franco were awesome together, and I have a newfound respect for James Franco after his performance as the ultimate pothead. My only criticism would be some of the violence at the end. Violence doesn’t bother me (two of my favorite movies are Die Hard and True Romance), but it seemed like overkill. It kind of felt like someone just wanted to throw in a shitload of blood and crazy stunts, but then again blood and stunts are super fun. But the ending felt long and overly bloody and not as funny as the rest of the film, in my sober and nerdy opinion.
LA Viewers: This movie is worth paying matinee price at the Grove, but may not be worth full price at Arclight.
Translation for non-LA Natives: I’m happy I saw it in the theaters, but I wouldn’t call it a travesty if you waited for one of your stoner buddies to rent it from Netflix.
Two blondes review movies and ramble a lot about themselves.
JESSICA SAYS:
Warning: This review is going to sound like Andy Rooney, but…
Has anyone else noticed that movies have gotten really, really loud in the last couple of years? Alison and I went to a double feature yesterday, Pineapple Express and The Dark Knight. I was fine in Pineapple Express, but man, The Dark Knight was literally painful. I had to plug my ears during any action sequence (which is approx. 96% of the movie). Even after plugging my ears, I left the theatre slightly shouting everything I said. I had the same problem a couple of years ago at one of the Bourne movies. Is it just me?
You know it’s bad when you walk into Forever 21 and think, “Yes, this music seems to be playing at a reasonable volume,” as I did after the movies. On a related note, on the way into the movie I told Alison I had made my first purchase at Forever 21 just a couple days prior. She asked why that was my first. Me: “Because that store gives me an aneurysm. The music is too loud, it’s messy, and there are teenagers everywhere.” Her: “OK, grandma.” So maybe it is just me.
I recommend seeing this movie in the theatre, but bring industrial-strength earplugs and don’t sit on the aisle under a speaker.
ALISON SAYS:
As someone who wanted to be a super hero, but was deterred by bad arches and a fear of heights, it was fun to live the life of one for 150 minutes. I saw The Dark Knight twice in the theater and both times thought it was awesome. During my second viewing, I felt bad for Jessica as she held her right ear and winced at the impressive surround sound provided by Pacific 15 at the Grove. But despite her discomfort, I loved the music, explosions, action and awesomeness.
However, in the land of two blondes, there is no perfect review. I was really distracted by Two Face. Rather than looking like a guy who’d been burned, he looks like half a zombie. Also, in any moments where I lost my suspension of disbelief, I was a little thrown by the way Batman talked. It was so guttural, almost to the point of being silly. I think this YouTube video sums it up perfectly:
LA Viewers: This movie is worth paying full price at Arclight.
Translation for non-LA Natives: Go to the theater to see this movie, but if you’re concerned with hearing loss, don’t sit near the speakers.
Two Blondes review a concert and ramble about themselves.
Alison says:
I can’t think of anyone less qualified to review a concert besides myself, except possibly for my mother. Last summer she tried to get me to go to a Josh Groban concert with her. My mom: “He’s so talented.” Me: “He is the opposite of talent.” It’s not that I don’t like music, I love music. I’m just a terrible music fan. I forget the names of artists and songs on a regular basis. But despite that, I’ve decided to join Jessica in discussing the Amos Lee concert we saw at the Music Box in the Ford Theater (because Jessica thinks she’s British, she will spell it theatre).
Dare to dream. That may have to be the motto of this blog. Jessica dared to hope, to dream of free concert tickets and made a call into a local LA radio station. And she won. And then she dared to hope I would stay out past 10pm on a “school night” and leave my Tivo, and I did. And it was well worth it. Amos’ music was awesome. After every song he would humbly thank the audience. So adorable! He’s a singer/songwriter/guitarist/cute glasses guy originally from Philly. The following genres are listed on his Wikipedia page: Jazz fusion, Folk, Soul, Blues. His style is a perfect combination of all four. What’s not perfect though was the Music Box at Ford Theater. There were no seats! How am I supposed to wear cute heels and attend a show there?
Jessica says:
You have to play to win…or call in to win, I guess. A few days ago I happened to be tuned in to the local indie rock radio station and was actually paying attention when I heard the DJ give the station’s phone number and say he was giving away Amos Lee tickets. However, he then specified to only call in for the tickets, “if you were really a fan.” I dialed, but as I waited for someone to answer I got nervous about what that last bit about being a ‘real fan’ meant. Was I going to have to answer some sort of question? I mean, I own his album, but I’m not in his fan club. When friends ask me to make them a mix CD, I usually put one of his tracks on there. Does that count as a ‘real fan?’ I guess it did because I won the tickets. The DJ asked if I had won anything from the station in the last six months. I told him I was pretty sure I hadn’t even called a radio station in about ten years.
A and I arrived shortly before the opening act, Lucy Wainwright Roche. There was a brief moment of panic when they didn’t have our names on the list at will call, but they let us in anyway. (Note to self: use this information to get into concerts free from now on. Just say you won tickets from whatever radio station is sponsoring the gig.) Lucy was ‘adorable,’ in Alison’s words, but I can’t see myself buying her record. She sounds like that nice girl from down the hall in your college dorm who plays the guitar and is a summer camp counselor someplace in Minnesota.
Amos was thoroughly enjoyable from start to finish. I was pleasantly surprised that several of the songs had a much stronger electric feel in person than they do on the record and he is an entertaining blues guitarist (but then again, I know nothing about playing the guitar). I think I did manage to convert Alison to the fan club, since she tapped me halfway through and mimed that she wanted me to copy the CD for her (it was quite an elaborate miming gesture).
My only complaint about the experience has nothing to do with the music or the performers. There was this group on youngins who arrived about three songs into the show and shoved their way to the front of the crowd. Pretty much right in front of Alison and I. They were two guys and three or four girls. After pushing their way to the front, the girls proceeded to spend the entire concert taking photos of themselves. Flash photos. Apparently not only were they too self-involved to actually listen to and enjoy the concert, but they also missed the 45,000 signs posted by all the exits forbidding flash photography. Eventually, at around photo number 67, the bouncers show up. Who do they eject from the show? Not any of the girls who were actually taking the pictures, but one of the guys with them. The girls let him take the fall for them and he left by himself. I’m thinking of a word and it rhymes with ‘smitches…’
Two Blondes review a movie and ramble about themselves.
Alison says:
I am a Coen Brothers fan for one reason… “The Big Lebowski.” It is my favorite movie ever. I have been to Lebowski Fest three times. I even won “Best Maude.” And yes, I am very proud of that. And yes, I would call myself a Coen Brothers fan and not just because of my love for the Dude. But I didn’t love “Burn After Reading.” I liked it, but no, I will not be attending any festivals dedicated to this film, though I would attend a fan club for Richard Jenkins or J.K. Simmons after their performances in the film.
I was also really impressed with Brad Pitt’s performance There’s no question about Brad’s movie star quotient. It’s big, the biggest. But my favorite BP performances don’t involve him being a super star. It’s his “smaller” side performances that are truly awesome. Let’s rewind to 1993. Brad plays a small role as an LA stoner named Floyd in “True Romance.” He’s hilarious and perfect in this role. Another favorite “small” performance is his role of a crazy guy in “Twelve Monkeys.” He commits to that role fully. Then, there’s his portrayal of Mickey in “Snatch.” And of course we can’t forget “Thelma and Louise,” where the world first learned about Brad’s charm and abs. Maybe I’m just nostalgic for movies from the early 90’s, but I love seeing Brad playing more than just a hot guy. And he does that in “Burn After Reading,” In a scene with John Malkovich, he’s trying to act tough and mysterious. He does these little eye movements that cracked me up. There’s an earnestness and blind optimism that shines through in this character and shows Brad’s got comic chops. I also want to give a shout out to whomever did hair on “Burn After Reading.” Brad’s horribly tacky blond tips were stupendous.
With a lot of movies and TV shows, I usually find myself predicting what’s gonna happen. But I was happily surprised with some of the narrative and the violence in this movie. It felt really good to not know what was coming. But overall the film felt a bit disjointed to me. The whole didn’t always seem to match its parts and I also just didn’t care enough the characters to get super into the movie. I found myself wondering more about who Tilda Swinton’s dermatologist is, rather than being invested in what was happening to the characters.
LA Viewers: This movie is worth paying matinee price at the Grove.
Translation for non-LA viewers: If you can catch a matinee and go half price, go see this movie.
Jessica says:
How do the Coen brothers manage to get such attractive people to agree to look like such…dorks, for lack of a better word, in their films? It’s impressive. Brad Pitt actually seems to revel in his character’s dorkiness. Well, let me back up. I should probably explain that I am not a huge Coen Brothers fan. I don’t dislike their work; I’m just not a fan. I’ve seen Fargo and The Big Lebowski (but only once—I’ve been told I need to see it about three more times to really ‘get it’)*.
So, back to Burn After Reading, for the most part, I thought it was pretty funny. John Malkovich was as creepy as always, but the performances I enjoyed the most were J.K. Simmons and Richard Jenkins. I love J.K. Simmons in everything I’ve ever seen him in really. They are both character actors, so let me help you out with where you might have seen them before: J.K. Simmons was the dad in Juno and Dr. Skoda on Law & Order and Richard Jenkins was Nathaniel Fisher on Six Feet Under.
Now, I knew I was watching a Coen brothers’ movie and I knew that meant dark comedy and the possibility of some surprising violence. Yet, somehow I got lulled into a relaxed state by the comedy/spy plot and then BAM you see someone get shot in the head with brain splatter. That was mildly startling compared to seeing a character get axed in the face in the middle of the street. I literally jumped and covered my face with my hands when the axe came down. I’m afraid I really am my mother’s daughter. She’s been complaining about violence in movies and TV for as long as I can remember and now apparently, so am I. Oh, yeah, SPOILER ALERT. Was I supposed to say that at the beginning?
Something about the whole film was just not quite right. I had issues with the score. It was written as if the movie was an actual spy thriller. Imagine the score to The Fugitive and cut to Brad Pitt with frosted highlights sucking from a water bottle. I’m sure that was supposed to be ironic, but it made me a little uneasy. I was trying to decide if I was supposed to be horrified that I just saw someone get axed in the face or amused. The feeling I ended up with was uncomfortable.
I recommend seeing it as a matinee.
*Alison vows to remain my friend, despite this fact.
Two blondes watch their TiVo and ramble about themselves.
ALISON SAYS:
And now the 60th Annual Emmy Awards are brought to you by extreme awkwardness!
When I was six I peed in my seat in front of an entire class of my peers. I just sat there while urine flowed over the sides of my tiny plastic chair. All the other kids stared at me, pointed and laughed. That was less awkward than the Emmy’s this year.
First, I’d like to know what was up with the bush wall between the “reporters” and the talent during the red carpet pre-show. Here’s my impression: “Kyra Sedgewick. Can I ask you a few questions from behind this cumbersome hedge? Oh shit, a twig caught my dress! I don’t understand why the fuck we have to stand behind this stupid bush. Sorry… so who are you wearing? Hey, where are you going?”
I’ve decided to review Mary Tyler Moore’s bare arms…. One word: terrifying.
Mary,
Please proceed to your closest Chico’s and find some shawls to cover that shit up. It’s totally cool to be old, you’re still a classy gal, but it is completely unnecessary to bare that much skin in front of millions of people.
Alison
I’ve already complained about Josh Groban once on this blog, but after watching his performance at the Emmy’s, I feel I must whine and bitch yet again. First off, he had crazy eyes. Maybe he realized what a shitty gig he had gotten himself into and it was really freaking him out. Then he would sing in a weird high voice for certain parts. I think he was trying to be funny, but instead Groban ruined some of my favorite TV show theme songs. The “Golden Girls” theme song is even my ringtone, and now I can’t stop shuddering when I hear it. I am currently shaking my fist at you, Groban!
Despite my overall discontent with the show, I do have to give them kudos for ending at 11pm on the dot. That really helped me out with getting enough sleep for work on Monday. So thanks for that Emmy’s!
JESSICA SAYS:
This may have only aired in Los Angeles, but did you see the sad red carpet review that ABC ran before the show?They had Randolph Duke interviewing celebrities about their dresses, and by “interviewing” I mean a lot of gushing that made frequent use of the word, “fabulous.”When Randolph Duke stopped Tim Gunn it felt like the episode of Seinfeld where they run into their doppelgangers.Can’t you just see them going antiquing together?
I want to hate Jeremy Piven, but then he goes and does things like taking shots at the horrible hosts in his acceptance speech of the first award of the night and I can’t help but like him.
Why was Josh Groban singing all the theme songs?Rapping to the Fresh Prince??I’m fine with ‘celebrating’ TV theme songs, but Josh Groban?I’m so confused and from the sound of the audience, I’m not alone.Does Groban have a sense of humor or was he completely serious with this?Wait, I’m just remembering that I think he participated in the “I’m f*cking Matt Damon” (or was it Ben Affleck?) video, so maybe he meant to be funny. It’s yet to be determined.
Tina Fey is a goddess and I worship her.
Five hosts is possibly the worst idea ever.Heidi Klum seemed dumbfounded by most of the show.Why can’t Jeff Probst wear a tie?Howie Mandel must be the worst person to encounter at a cocktail party—he won’t shut up.
Why didn’t Jimmy Kimmel host?His bit giving out the reality host award was 100% better than anything the actual hosts did.Plus I’m bitter that Cat Deeley from “So You Think You Can Dance” didn’t get nominated and Heidi Klum did.
My crush on Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert only grows stronger everyday.
All in all, this made me really wish I still got cable.Ah Mad Men, our love affair was brief, but maybe the fates will bring us together again someday…
If you would have told me, when we started this blog, that Josh Groban would be our most referenced person or thing, there is no way I would have believed you. However, it’s now true. I saw this link this morning and thought I owed it to Mr. Groban to post his response. At least he was trying to be funny with his performance at the Emmys. Plus, it sounds like he agrees the show, as a whole, was pretty lame.
Two blondes watch their TiVo and pass judgment on the world of television and the Emmy winners.
OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES
Winner: “Mad Men”
JESSICA CHOOSES:
“Mad Men” – I was very torn with this one. “Lost” is one of my all-time favorite TV shows and pretty much any other year, it would be my choice. However, “Mad Men” is truly outstanding and “Lost” has already won this award. Therefore, I’m going with “Mad Men.”
P.S. “Friday Night Lights” should have gotten a nomination in this category. Seriously, some of the best programming on TV. “Boston Legal” can’t even carry the shoes (or should I say cleats…get it? Because they’re a football team…cleats) of “Friday Night Lights.”
ALISON CHOOSES:
“Mad Men” – I was very happy “Mad Men” won. But I wish that there could have been a tie between “Lost,” “Mad Men” and “Dexter.” Those are the three shows that both my TiVo and I worship. I also think “Breaking Bad” should have been nominated.
P.S. I am aware Jessica’s cleats joke is a pun, thus the lowest form of comedy, but it makes her giggle at her own cleverness every time she reads it. Sorry readers.
OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES
Winner: “30 Rock”
JESSICA CHOOSES:
“30 Rock” – If I haven’t yet made my love of all things Tina Fey-related known, then let me proclaim it now. Tina, I would give up my Sandwich Day-sandwich for you. This show is simply sublime. Episode 210 and Sandwich Day are some of the funniest things I’ve ever seen on TV. If you’re not watching this show, I’m not sure we can be friends.
ALISON CHOOSES:
I agree with Jessica and that is why we can be friends. And if you’re someone who has no idea what “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” is, then I feel sorry for you and think you should take a serious look at your life and your taste in television.
Speaking of taste or lack of, is “Entourage” actually worthy of even being in this category? I’ll admit I enjoyed this show the first two seasons, but it’s not funny anymore. It’s starting to feel douchey at this point.
To the fans of “Two and a Half Men” who helped get it nominated,
Really?
Alison
OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Winner: Bryan Cranston (“Breaking Bad”)
JESSICA CHOOSES:
Kyle Chandler (“Friday Night Lights”). Yes, I realize the academy did not even nominate him, but that is not stopping me from giving him the award.
ALISON CHOOSES:
Bryan Cranston (“Breaking Bad”) I actually furiously clapped when Bryan Cranston won, despite sitting in an apartment with four other people (who were not clapping). I love this show and am constantly surprised and impressed with his performance in it. But if the world were a more magical place full of rainbows and unicorns (like it is in my head), I would also give an award to Michael C. Hall for “Dexter” and Jon Hamm for “Mad Men.” I would also give Jon Hamm some kind of award for being kind enough to go with Regis Philbin to surprise his wife, Joy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHctRh8pY9Y
OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES Winner: Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”)
JESSICA CHOOSES:
Steve Carell (“The Office”) – He manages to show the heart of a character that in anyone else’s hands, might just seem like a dolt.
ALISON CHOOSES:
Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”) and co-winners Jermaine Clement and Bret McKenzie (“The Flight of the Conchords”) – Alec Baldwin deserves to have Emmys coming out of his ass for what he does on “30 Rock.” There’s no question about that. But I’d also be super happy if Jermaine and Bret got a little notice for their wonderfully hilarious and original show.
OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Winner: Glenn Close (“Damages”)
JESSICA CHOOSES:
Connie Britton (“Friday Night Lights”) – Again, I know she wasn’t nominated and I know the women who were nominated have either won the award before or are big movie actresses, but I feel very comfortable saying Connie Britton is better in FNL than any of them.
ALISON CHOOSES:
Kyra Sedgwick (“The Closer”) – I have to admit I haven’t watched “Friday Night Lights,” so maybe I would agree with Jessica if I knew otherwise. But I’m a fan of “The Closer” and think Kyra deserves recognition for her work.
OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES Winner: Tina Fey (“30 Rock”)
JESSICA CHOOSES:
Tina Fey (“30 Rock”) – Did I not make myself clear on this yet? If Tina Fey is eligible for a category, I’m picking her.
ALISON CHOOSES:
Tina Fey (“30 Rock”) – Insert constant laughter and joy here.
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES Winner: Zeljko Ivanek (“Damages”)
JESSICA CHOOSES:
Michael Emerson (“Lost”) – What I marvel at here is that Michael Emerson is so skillful (with the aid of some pretty amazing writing) that he has not changed the way he plays the character of Ben, yet he has managed to make the audience go from seeing him as a villain to a hero.
ALISON CHOOSES:
Michael Emerson (“Lost”) – There has never been a better, more complicated villain than Ben. The writers are due some credit for that, but Michael Emerson always delivers on the material.
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES Winner: Jeremy Piven (“Entourage”)
JESSICA CHOOSES:
Neil Patrick Harris (“How I Met Your Mother”) – I would marry him and make lots of adorable, witty babies…if only he weren’t gay.
ALISON CHOOSES:
Jack McBrayer (“30 Rock”) – If NBC put Kenneth’s smiling visage on a pillowcase, I would buy it. There is no other character on TV who gives me the same warm, happy feeling in my tummy as Kenneth does. I feel like he and I would be best friends and warm the world with our positive outlook on life.
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES Winner: Dianne Wiest (“In Treatment”)
JESSICA CHOOSES:
Evangeline Lilly (“Lost”) – Admittedly, I’m not sure if she would really be up for this or the lead actress award, but I didn’t want to pit her against Connie Britton in my head.
ALISON CHOOSES:
Kristen Schaal (“The Flight of the Conchords”) – She’s pure comedy genius in a cute, awkward bottle.
OUTSTANDING REALITY-COMPETITION PROGRAM
Winner: “The Amazing Race”
JESSICA CHOOSES:
“So You Think You Can Dance” – This and “Project Runway” are the only programs in this category where all of the contestants actually have talent and seem to have studied some sort of craft. You can’t just walk in off the street, having never done it before, and be a good dancer. “So You Think You Can Dance” is a show tailor-made for me–the dancing, the costumes, my same-sex-non-sexual love for Cat Deeley…
ALISON CHOOSES:
“Project Runway” – It’s the only reality programming I can stand to watch.
OUTSTANDING VARIETY, MUSIC OR COMEDY SERIES Winner: “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart”
JESSICA CHOOSES:
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” – Come on, like there is any contest here.
ALISON CHOOSES:
“The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” – Agreed.
OUTSTANDING MINISERIES Winner: “John Adams”
JESSICA CHOOSES:
“Roots” – Um…they still make miniseries? I guess I choose “Roots.” That’s the last miniseries I saw.
ALISON CHOOSES NOT TO CHOOSE:
They all sounded boring to me.
OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A DRAMA SERIES: Winner: “Mad Men”
JESSICA CHOOSES:
“Lost” – I think there is a huge problem with the way this award is set up. Excellent TV writing has to involve both great stand-alone episodes, AND great story arcs that are spread out over a season or more. That fact that they vote on individual episodes only, I feel, can be the only reason that “Lost” hasn’t won this award every year since it’s been on TV.
Two Blondes review a movie and ramble about themselves.
JESSICA SAYS:
Here is what I knew about this movie going into it: It’s based on a novel by Chuck Palahniuk. That’s it. Sometimes that’s a really nice way to go into a movie (or book for that matter) because it prevents the sentiment that my mother utters after every single movie when you ask her what she thought–”Well, it wasn’t what I expected.” I have read Fight Club, which is also by Palahniuk, but haven’t read Choke. So, I expected it to be dark and twisty, with a little social commentary added in for good measure. To borrow from Mom, “It wasn’t (totally) what I expected.” It was dark and twisty, but I missed the social commentary. Side note: anytime I quote my mother, be sure to read it with a pretty strong Midwestern accent (specifically Saint Louis).
A quick plot summary–Sam Rockwell plays a recovering sex addict, Victor Mancini, who works at a colonial reenactment site. His mother, played by Angelica Houston, is a patient in a mental hospital who no longer recognizes her son. Victor begins to fall for his mother’s doctor, played by Kelly MacDonald, as he sets out to find out who his father is.
Kudos to the casting director of this film. I don’t think there is another actor out there that plays sleazy, but likeable as well as Sam Rockwell. I’m kind of in love with Anjelica Huston now. As I left the movie, it dawned on me that I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of her movies before. I am in the process of adding her films to my Blockbuster queue right now. This film was filled with scenes that turned on long, silent close-ups of her face as she processed emotion and information. I was in awe. Plus, I got kind of mesmerized by her looks–she’s attractive, but not in a traditional sense and I could never quite put my finger on what made her striking. It’s like the individual parts are kind of odd, but the sum of the parts works. Last but not least, I was so pleased to see Joel Grey, star of Broadway and father of Baby Houseman (a.k.a. Jennifer Grey–”Dirty Dancing”). He’s such an odd little man and he worked that beautifully as one of the recovering sex addicts in therapy with Victor.
Have you ever seen a movie and thought, I bet this is a really good book? That’s how I felt with “Choke.” That’s not to say I didn’t think the movie was good; I did. I just felt like the book probably said things the movie didn’t even attempt to (the missing social commentary I referenced at the beginning of this). I laughed out loud several times, which is how I judge how funny something is. Even better, it was pretty moving, too.
Just a warning: I was unprepared for how much sex there was in this movie. After reading this, you will already be aware it’s about a sex addict. I was not. All the sex scenes felt appropriate and were relevant to the plot, just…you know…this isn’t one for the kids.
This is worth seeing for the full Friday night price. Just don’t see it with anyone whom you might be uncomfortable watching people do the ‘around the world.’
ALISON SAYS:
Who knew broken, depressed sex addicts could be so funny? I sure didn’t until I saw this movie. I have never read any of Chuck Palahniuk’s books, though after reading some of his info on Wikipedia, I’ve just added some of his work to my library account (yes, I have a library card and actually use it). Here’s a few choice pieces:
When Palahniuk “attempted to publish his next novel, Invisible Monsters, publishers rejected it for being too disturbing. This led him to work on his most famous novel, Fight Club, which he wrote as an attempt to disturb the publisher even more for rejecting him.”
“Palahniuk would also become a member of the rebellious Cacophony Society* in his adulthood. He is a regular participant in their events, including the annual Santa Rampage (a public Christmas party involving pranks and drunkenness) in Portland. His participation in the Society inspired some of the events in his writings, both fictional and non-fictional. Most notably, he used the Cacophony Society as the basis for Project Mayhem in Fight Club.”
“Choke” is the latest film adaptation of Palahniuk’s work, and it’s definitely worth seeing. It has a stellar cast, all talented and all funny. There’s a depressing realism to the misery that is their lives, but you still love being along for the ride and keep hoping they’ll find some semblance of happiness. Sam Rockwell dazzles as a guy you sort of want to hate, but can’t help being charmed by. I can’t believe I just wrote “dazzles.” Brad William Henke masterfully portrays the sweetest, most cuddly chronic masturbator you’ll ever meet. Clark Gregg should be proud of himself for his directorial debut with this film, not to mention his hilarious performance as Lord High Charlie and the fact that he wrote the screenplay.
LA Viewers: Worth paying full price at The Grove or Sunset 5.
Translation for non-LA natives: It is worth paying money to see this movie in the theaters. It will make you laugh and you get to see boobs (if you’re into that).
Sidenote: This is not the movie to bring your small children or your mom to. Or to bring anyone who might be weirded out by somewhat explicit sex scenes.
*Jessica has no idea what the Cacophony Society actually does, but you had her at “pranks and drunkenness.”
Two Blondes review a movie and ramble about themselves:
Note: Our review may have some similar sentiments, but we swear we wrote them separately. Great minds think alike sometimes…
ALISON SAYS:
I haven’t loved a cast this much in a long time. First off, I love Michael Cera. Not in a creepy way. I’ve never gone looking for where he might live in Los Angeles and stood outside wondering if he’d walk out, see me and find me as charmingly awkward as I find him. Really, I haven’t. But I have watched DVD’s of ArrestedDevelopment and been amused for hours. Clark and Michael has distracted me from doing work many a time. I may have even considered writing a non-creepy and comedic love ballad to express my thanks for there being a boy-man like Michael Cera both on the big and small screen.
Second, there’s Kat Dennings. Can we just talk about talented and beautiful this actress is? Angelina, we have a real contender for “best lips in Hollywood” now that Kat Dennings is on the scene. And Kat is beautiful in a way that’s real and not just good make-up. She was the perfect slightly insecure, but knows who she is teenage girl. Here’s two quotes I read on IMDB from Kat: “There’s nothing else I would rather do, unless there was a profession that involved cuddling bunny rabbits and kittens all day for money.” “I’ve basically made a career out of my imagination.” How cute is she?!
Then we also have Ari Graynor with her portrayal of the drunk best friend, Caroline. I wanted to stand up and applaud her hilarious, spot-on portrayal of what drunk teenage girls act like. She was able to be charming at the same time as being obnoxious. Then I also loved the boys who played Nick’s gay friends. They were funny and sweet, and never felt like a stereotypical portrayal of the gay best friend.
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist felt very real to me. Possibly the realest (is that a word?) movie about teenagers I’ve ever seen. Some past teenage movies (like Juno) left me feeling manipulated and like someone was just trying to sound “cool.” Nick and Norah just felt real and left me happy, amused and charmed. It reminded me of being young, insecure and trying to figure out love. And made me somewhat nostalgic for the days of kissing boys in the streets of New York just when the sun is coming up, or being seventeen and asking a boy if “he’s interested” and being so scared of rejection. It’s a movie that leaves you with that attitude of life being full of infinite possibilities, not to mention lots of great music.
LA Viewers: Worth paying full price at the Grove or Arclight. Yes, I realize what’s going on with the economy, that’s why being entertained is so important right now.
Translation for non-LA viewers: Unless you’re dead inside or hate young love, go see this movie right away.
P.S. The director’s first film Raising Victor Vargas is worth getting on Netflix. A grittier, lower budget look at young love.
JESSICA SAYS:
I like to consider myself to be somewhat of a master when it comes to the mix CD–incidentally, I still feel the urge to call it a mix-tape. ‘Mix CD’ doesn’t have the same ring to it. As of today, my iTunes library has 5,238 songs in it, which is 343 days worth of music, so there is a lot to pull from. There is an art to a good mix. One song needs to lead to the next and you certainly never put back-to-back songs by the same artist. That’s the antithesis of the mix.
So, I was already into this movie, simply from the title. A title that is also, admittedly, a bit clunky. Although this irritates me about other people, I am also someone who is annoyed when my new, favorite, quirky, little band that no one has heard of becomes big, e.g. Vampire Weekend. I have been known to grumble when a song I like is featured on Gossip Girl, or the like. This movie is full of bands to whom this has already happened, or they are dangerously close to it happening. To my point, Vampire Weekend is on the soundtrack.
Two minutes into the movie, watching Michael Cera leave a squirm-inducing voicemail to his ex-girlfriend, and I knew I was going to like it. As we were leaving the movie, I realized what was so familiar and likable about it–it felt just like a John Hughes movie. Instead of Chicago suburbanites, they were New York. Instead of finding the meaning of life at the end of a rollicking day that included singing on a Von Stuben Day float in a parade, they passed through a gay Christmas musical review. And of course, instead of cassette tapes, there were mix CDs.
For full disclosure here, I wrote my Master’s thesis on John Hughes movies. I chose them because I figured if I was going to spend that amount of time reading about and watching something, I had better like them. Plus, I had already seen them each at least five times. As much as I loved Jake Ryan by the end of Sixteen Candles (OK, who are we kidding, I still do love him.), I think I love Michael Cera more. He’s just so funny and sweet and adorable.
So yeah, I really liked this movie. My one criticism would be there were parts that dragged a little bit, but on the whole I really liked it. If there were a competition for best bee-stung lips, Kat Dennings could give Angelina a run for her money. As someone who has had friends that were carbon copies of Caroline, the attention needy intoxicated friend, I can attest that Ari Graynor was perfect in the part.
Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist is worth the full Friday night price. I especially recommend this if you ever had a crush on Jake Ryan, Ferris Bueller, etc.
Two Blondes review a movie and ramble about themselves:
ALISON SAYS:
This might be one of the first movies I’ve reviewed that both my mom and I would enjoy together. Most movies I like she would refer to as “different,” which means she didn’t get it or enjoy it. But I think she would love this film.
I had read the book The Secret Life of Bees a few years back and really enjoyed it, thus I had my misgivings about seeing the movie, as I’ve found movie adaptations usually don’t live up to the book (see all Harry Potter movies for examples). But I am here to say Gina Prince-Bythewood did a masterful and moving job with this film. She should be applauded for the performances she brought forth from her cast.
Dakota Fanning was amazing. Most of us already knew she has acting chops from her many performances as a kid. And this film proves she’s still got it and then some. Not to mention she’s absolutely stunning. Maybe I missed a few of her films and thus some of her awkward phases, but to me it seems like she went straight from cute to beautiful.
The rest of the cast was equally as compelling. What a powerhouse of talent. Actually, to be completely honest, Queen Latifah seemed to be phoning in the wise, warm-hearted maternal figure a little bit, but I feel bad saying that because I think she’s great. I was very impressed with Alicia Keys. I hadn’t seen her act before, but after seeing some singers turned actresses (see any Jessica Simpson movie) I wasn’t sure if I would be able to believe in her role. But I did. I completely forgot I was watching Alicia Keys and only saw June Boatwright.
I watched Gina Prince-Bythewood speak after an AFI special screening of the film. I found her and her film really inspiring. I also think it’s awesome that she wrote on A Different World way back when.
Dear Gina,
Can we be friends?
Alison
LA Viewers: Worth paying full price at the Grove or Arclight.
Translation for non-LA movie viewers: Go see it!
JESSICA SAYS:
Having grown up a white girl on a honeybee farm run by three black woman in 1964, I really identified with this movie. OK, that’s not true.
I have not read this book, which I realize is surprising, considering I’m someone who TiVos Oprah. It probably isn’t a movie I would have necessarily been lining up to see, but Alison lobbied for it. I think I was a bit apprehensive that it was going to be heavy-handed with the lessons it wanted to teach us and too schmaltzy.
The most pleasant surprise was Dakota Fanning. Holy crap was she good! She acted everyone else in this movie under the table. There is a scene where her character has a breakdown about why don’t her parents love her that made me cry copious tears. I probably cried as much as I do during the, “Give my daughter the drugs!!” scene in Terms of Endearment. She was fantastic.
The movie was a bit schmaltzy, not that I’m totally opposed to that. I did enjoy the movie, but it won’t be on my favorite of the year list. The rest of the cast was good. Dakota was great.
Two Blondes eat some food and tell you what they think:
Jessica says:
Alison and I tried a new bakery in Midcity last weekend, Kiss My Bundt. If you couldn’t figure it out from the name (and if you can’t, I’d imagine you are the type of person who has a hard time telling what direction West Hollywood is, in relation to Hollywood), they specialize in bundt cakes.
Kiss My Bundt is like most of the cupcake specialty bakeries that have popped up around LA in the last couple of years. Their cakes come in sizes ranging from the Mini Bundts, Baby Bundts, to the Big Ol’ Bundts. There are a couple of benefits the bundts have over cupcakes. First, the Mini Bundts are smaller than your average cupcake, so you don’t have to feel as guilty when you just want a little something sweet. Second, the icing to cake ratio is closer in bundts than the bakery cupcakes that usually seem to be 1/3 cake to 2/3 icing. Most importantly, ‘bundt’ is a really fun word to say.
Alison says:
Kiss My Bundt is a new bakery on 3rd street near The Grove. From it’s brown and pink color scheme to its pink couch to the kissing lips stickers on the bags, every detail is sweet and cute. Quote from their website:
“Kiss My Bundt is a specialty, made-from-scratch cake company created
out of a love of baking and bundt cakes.”
The girl who served us was helpful and nice. I tried the red velvet cakes and was very happy I did. I think Kiss My Bundt has the best red velvet cake in all of Los Angeles. It’s rich but somehow not heavy at the same time.
Two Blondes review a movie and ramble about themselves:
JESSICA SAYS:
WARNING: This film is TWO HOURS AND TWENTY ONE MINUTES LONG. That is a really long time to sit without fidgeting too much. I’m always afraid I annoy the people who sit next to me in movie theaters because I fidget. It’s just not comfortable to sit that long.
In case you hadn’t yet noticed, Angelina Jolie is beautiful. I mean truly, truly beautiful. She owes the DP and editor a cut of her salary. Throughout the entire film she was lit to highlight just how stunning her face is. Sometimes the focus was the color of her eyes, sometimes those amazing lips. We get it, she’s beau-ti-ful. You could have cut out at least 30 minutes of the film if you just spent less time admiring how pretty she is.
For a quick synopsis, Changeling is the true story of a single mother, Christine Collins (Angelina Jolie), who loses her child in 1928 Los Angeles. In her efforts to find her son, she is forced to deal with the corrupt and incompetent LAPD. The police tell her they have found her son. When the two are reunited, Mrs. Collins realizes the boy they found is not her son.
Mrs. Collins’ struggle against the LAPD pits her against Captain JJ Jones (Jeffrey Donovan). I never really thought about the fact that Irish-Americans in the 1920s would have still sounded pretty Irish. Captain Jones had quite a brogue in the scenes where he was agitated (which were most of his scenes).
At one point, the police have Mrs. Collins committed to a state mental facility. The phenomenal Amy Ryan plays another mental patient Mrs. Collins befriends in the institution. I have yet to see Amy Ryan’s nominated performance in Gone Baby Gone, but I have completely fallen in love with her as the new HR manager on The Office.
I felt like the movie had ended, looked at my watch, and realized there was still going to be another forty minutes of admiring how beautiful Angelina Jolie is. Actually, those last forty minutes felt more like an episode of Law & Order: SVU, 1928. The movie took an odd plot turn and began to reveal what actually happened to Mrs. Collins’ son. Adding to the SVU vibe was character actor, Denis O’Hare, as Dr. Jonathan Steele. O’Hare is one of those actors that you’ve seen in a million things, but never remember. For instance, he has been in Charlie Wilson’s War, Law & Order (original, SVU, and CI) Brothers & Sisters, CSI, Michael Clayton, Garden State, A Mighty Heart, 21 Grams, and Half Nelson.
My overall opinion of this movie was…it was OK. Too long, sometimes too melodramatic, too many subplots, etc., but good performances with a good director. I recommend seeing this on a Sunday afternoon, but make sure you’ve blocked out the rest of the day on your schedule.
Overall, I still think Clint Eastwood is a master director. However, this is not his best work. Mystic River is better.
P.S. I can recommend a much more entertaining story about a missing child set in the past. This American Life, the NPR radio program, aired the story of Bobby Dunbar in episode 352: “The Ghost of Bobby Dunbar” on March 14, 2008. Along the same lines of Changeling, the police bring a boy back to the Dunbars claiming it’s Bobby, but the parents don’t believe them. Check it out at http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=352.
ALISON SAYS:
I’ve never wanted to be a hat person more than after I finished watching Angelina Jolie’s new movie Changeling. I don’t usually sound like such a girl, but Angelina’s hats and clothes were absolutely gorgeous. It made me think I was born during the wrong era, but then again I’m the kind of person who spills everything everywhere, so such beautiful, detailed clothing might have become an issue.
Jessica and I went to see this movie at the Arclight. Before it started, one of the adorable little ushers announced that the movie was two and a half hours long. The entire audience groaned. Don’t get me wrong, the movie is amazing, as long as you’re okay with thinking it’s ending on four separate occasions and still having to continue watching for another forty minutes past that. It’s long. The directing and acting is superb. On all levels, it’s a gorgeous, moving, well-made film. You will be stunned by how beautiful the lighting and Angelina are. You’ll realize how important a good director is when you see the performances of everyone in the cast. Yet, there’s still something…
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who is well traveled, intelligent, interesting and completely aware of themselves as a well traveled, intelligent, interesting person? And while you enjoyed listening to their stories, you felt like maybe they enjoyed hearing themselves talk a little bit too much? There’s a similar feeling in watching this movie. The film is a little too in love with itself and its star. But then again, you can’t really blame it. First off, you have Clint Eastwood directing. He is the one of the most talented men on the earth, not to mention he’s aging really well. Then there’s the lovely, hauntingly beautiful Angelina Jolie. It’s definitely one of Angelina’s best performances and I am a huge fan of hers. During crying scenes, she’s able to create a quiver in her chin to show she’s on the verge of tears. It almost seems like CGI, because how is someone able to make her chin quiver on cue? It’s an awesome skill and a perfectly understated way to show the character’s tremendous undercurrent of emotion. So it’s easy to see why this movie would be a little too in love with itself and then decide that it’s deserved the right to go on for two and a half hours, but for me, it just left me with restless butt syndrome by the end. And some of the ending(s) got a bit heavy-handed for me. But I would still watch it again, just to live in that world again and to have the pleasure of watching what awesome talent can create even when there may be too much talent going around.
LA Viewers: Worth paying matinee price at the Grove or Arclight, but just keep in mind you’ll be sitting for a while.
Two Blondes watch their TiVo and ramble about themselves:
JESSICA SAYS:
Alison and I discussed writing a review of the season three premiere of 30 Rock, but then, to quote Alison, “Who are we kidding? It will really just be us worshiping Tina Fey.” It’s true, even the worst episode of 30 Rock is funnier than nearly everything else on TV (The Office can give it a run for its money). Anyway, life got a bit hectic for the two of us, so the review got put off. So here is my review of the first two episodes: “Do-Over,” and “Believe in the Stars.”
It’s true; I worship Tina Fey. She is at the top of my list of celebrities I’m positive I would be friends with, if only we had the chance to meet. Others on this list include: Rebecca Romijn, Lauren Graham, Christina Applegate, Gwyneth Paltrow (yes, I know she annoys many, but I find something about her to be charming), and of course, Oprah. It seems Oprah is one Tina and I had in common. That’s how Oprah ended up as the special guest in “Believe in the Stars.” In that episode, Tina acted much the way I would imagine myself acting, if ever seated next to Oprah on a plane (freaking out like an over-excited fanboy), which means maybe I won’t ever be besties with Ms. Winfrey.
Let’s back up to, “Do-Over,” the first episode of the season. I started laughing out loud in the opening scene. Liz (Fey) sees her old boss, Jack (Alec Baldwin), on the street. He left the company at the end of season two to work for the Bush Administration. Liz tells him how happy she is to have him back because his replacement, Devon (Will Arnet), “is the worst. It’s like he doesn’t even care when we should have cake for people whose birthday is on the weekend.” “The Friday before. At lunch,” Jack answers without giving it a second thought. Everyone in this show is hilarious, but especially Alec Baldwin. All that comedic prowess he showed in his numerous appearances on Saturday Night Live is finally being put to good use on a regular basis.
To be completely honest, “Do-Over,” wouldn’t be in my top five episodes of 30 Rock. It has some great jokes, but the plot of this episode was a bit too far fetched for me. Liz is trying to adopt a child, which seemed to come out of left field at the end of last season. In this episode, a woman (Megan Mullally) tries to evaluate whether Liz is a good candidate to adopt. As someone who works in TV production, I got a nice little kick out of Liz’s response to how many hours a week she works, “60-80.” Ah, if only that was a joke.
“Believe in the Stars,” was a lot better. This is the genius of Tina Fey—she is consistently able to make jokes that are so smart and insightful, yet they feel like something that could have easily been said by you or one of your friends last night at the pub. For instance, this is how 30 Rock talked about sexism today–Liz and Jenna (Jane Krakowski) are talking about a lawsuit between Jenna and her costar, Tracey Jordan (Tracey Morgan) over royalty payments:
Liz: Well of course Tracey takes care of his boys and not you. He thinks he can take advantage of you because you’re a woman.
Jenna: Men think they can get away with anything. It’s like when Adrien Brody kissed Halle Berry at the Oscars.
Liz: No one has it harder in this country today than women. It turns out we can’t be president, we can’t be network news anchors, Madonna’s arms look crazy.
Jenna: Mmm hmm.
Seriously people, I don’t understand why more of you aren’t watching this show.
ALISON SAYS:
Dear People Who Don’t Watch 30 Rock,
What the BLEEP is wrong with you? What is it? Did someone sketchy touch you in your bathing suit area and cause some permanent damage to keep you from enjoying what is arguably one of the best shows on television? Really, I want to know. What are you even doing with your time? I can’t imagine a better use of one’s days on this earth. Maybe you’re a little scared of change and something being that funny and that smart at the same time. But it’s okay. Just try it. Try one episode. See what happens. See if your concept of television comedy doesn’t change. See if you don’t wake up the next day and hear the birds singing just a little bit louder. See if it doesn’t erase all those shudders from accidentally stumbling onto Two and a Half Men on television. It may hurt a little at first to love a show that much, but you will be a better person for it.
Thanks,
Alison
Dear Tina Fey,
Hi. (insert nervous laugh) I love your show! And your glasses!
Two Blondes review a DVD and ramble about themselves:
ALISON SAYS:
I’m a person who is easily excitable by nature. But with WALL-E my level of excitement is at a whole new level, one might even say a level that is out of this world, if one was into cheesy metaphors. I saw WALL-E twice in the theaters and was extremely moved and filled with glee both times. I don’t cry at movies, I’m not the type of girl who goes to movies hoping to cry and be emotional. That’s not my cup of tea. I’d rather watch super heros battling or cars exploding. But I did cry four times the first time I watched WALL-E. And by cry, I mean I started welling up and furiously wiped my eyes in an effort not to look like a weepy girly girl.
As I sat down to watch it for the third time on the recently released DVD, I was smiling from ear to ear. I could not wait to be reunited with my sweet, curious robot friend. This movie is possibly the best movie I’ve ever seen. I don’t think I could date someone unless they agreed on this. WALL-E’s unconditional love for EVE is a beautiful thing to watch. Sure, if you’re a cold-hearted person with no imagination, maybe it’s hard to care about two little animated robots. But if your heart is pumping warm blood like mine, then you will be moved by what happens and grows between these two characters. Maybe I’m just a nerd who thinks robots are cool (especially cute ones). Maybe I relate to WALL-E, because I do look at the world with childlike wonder and I have the curiosity of a hyper monkey. Maybe you’re not someone who has these traits, but you should still agree that this is one of the most amazing films ever created. Pixar obviously has a really good track record, but in my humble, robot-loving opinion, they’ve even surpassed their past achievements with this film.
The opening is a moving masterpiece. It should be framed and hung on the wall of some fancy museum where snooty people in tiny hats eat cheese and babble on and on about meaning and art. What is established without the use of dialogue is amazing. After witnessing the desolation and loneliness of future Earth, it only makes WALL-E’s positive, curious, caring nature that more admirable. Despite living in a broken world, this little robot has not become bitter or mean. He still just wants to help and wants to find happiness in any small way he can.
The future this movie painted is terrifying, but also feels like a real possibility to me. If you’ve ever walked down Universal’s Citywalk and been surrounded by overfilling trash cans, carts selling plastic junk and crowds of jiggling, obese tourists, then you’d realize that vision may be exactly where we’re heading. Maybe if enough people see this movie, we can all take a breath and start making small daily choices that will add up to a big impact. Not to turn into a “The More You Know” (SFX: DING) moment, but please recycle and please turn the water off when you’re not using it. Turning the tap off while you brush your teeth (rather than just leaving it running for 5 minutes straight) can save gallons of water a day. Just don’t be a dick to the earth.
Back to the movie. A shout out must be given to Fred Willard who is always hilarious. As always, Pixar chooses their cast for talent rather than who’s recently graced the cover of “US Weekly.” If I could find him, I would bow down in a “We’re not worthy” moment to Ben Burtt for creating the voice of WALL-E. WALL-E’s manner of speech and sounds can make me giggle with glee. There is not much else in the world that makes me as happy as hearing WALL-E talk and “ohhh” and ahhh.” And looking over Burtt’s IMDb page made me even more awestruck at his many credits and his creativity with sound engineering. Here’s two really interesting bits fom his trivia page:
To create the rumbling sound of the gigantic boulder in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), he placed a microphone close to the tire of his Honda Civic as it coasted slowly down his gravel driveway. The recording was later engineered at various speeds to best replicate the rolling boulder.
For Star Wars (1977), he created the sound of the lightsabers by mixing the humming sound of his TV set – tuned between channels – with the sound of an old 35mm projector.
Pixar, thank you, thank you, thank you! You constantly make me believe and make me happy.
Final Word: Buy the DVD and watch it many, many times. But be sure to recycle any plastic packaging after you buy it.
JESSICA SAYS:
I don’t have a good history with robots which might be why I didn’t feel compelled to see WALL-E in the theater this summer, no matter how many times Alison told me it made her cry and she never cries in movies. I remember the first ‘bad’ grade I ever got in school (OK, it’s at least the first one I really remember). It was in my junior high gifted class. We had just finished the unit on the Maya and I loved it–not the part where we had to learn how to multiply and divide in the Mayan math system (base-twenty…don’t ask me to explain it. I couldn’t if I wanted to, but maybe Wikipedia can help). Math was always by far my worst subject, so I barely had a handle on our numerical system, much less anything else.
Things took a sharp downward turn for me when I found out our next unit was robotics and computer programming. Keep in mind that I went to a public school in a small town in Missouri, so the budget for the program was approximately $2.74. We were each given a box of parts we were supposed to assemble into something that resembled WALL-E. The problem lay in that the robot I was given was used…heavily used. I came to discover that it was missing at least 20% of it’s parts–most importantly, the instructions. At the end of the unit what was supposed to be my robot was a collection of seven pieces that just looked like choking hazards. My mom was called in for a conference.
Alison would not stop going on about how much she loved this movie, so when I saw it was coming out on DVD I decided to swallow my biterness towards robots and suggested we review the DVD. The movie is set on future Earth, where WALL-E is a robot designed to compact garbage into a cube and stack it. He appears to be the last remaining working robot, as humans abandoned the planet years before when it became so overrun with trash that life was unsustainable. The story is part cautionary tale about where our planet is headed and partly a portrayl of that most basic emotional human need for companionship.
I loved the first section of the film on bleak, desolate future Earth. WALL-E collects random pieces of the trash he compacts–a spork, an eggbeater–and keeps them in his home. They are just tiny examples of the millions of things we use and discard without much thought on where things come from and where they go when we throw them away.
I loved the film less when WALL-E left Earth and joined the remaining humans on their spaceship. Everything became shiny, fast, and silly. It just felt so disjointed after the beginning of the film that my mind began to wander. I started to think about how the companies behind this movie are as culpable as any for the consumerism and consumption the first part of the film warned against. Now, I don’t want this to sound like I’m getting up on my soapbox against Disney or Pixar. For the record, both companies have made films that would be on my list of favorites. It’s just that people become the fat, lazy, narciscistic creatures like the humans in the movie by spending a childhood plopped in front of the TV for hours watching things like the WALL-E DVD, playing the WALL-E game on their PS3, etc. Where does all that garbage that Wall-E collects in the movie come from? Things like the 20+ variations of the WALL-E figure and all that packaging they come in, the comforter set, lunchbox, sticker book, Halloween costume, stuffed dolls, and laptop–all available at www.disneyshopping.com for your convience, but keep in mind kids, “Only grown-ups can buy stuff at DisneyShopping.com.”
I loved the scenes set on future Earth, but the rest left me unsatisfied (especially the happy ending, but like there was a chance of anything but a happy ending in a children’s movie). I would recommend watching this with little ones, but it would be nice if parents followed the movie with a conversation about what we can do right now so that our planet never looks like where WALL-E lives. When you wish upon a star…
DVD extras: I loved the feature on the sound design process for animation, but I am a geek: see paragraphs one and two of this review. Of the two shorts, I prefered Presto over BURN-E, but they were both cute and definately worth checking out.
Two Blondes review a store and ramble about themselves.
Alison says:
Ikea is one of my favorite stores, except for going on a Sunday afternoon. Then it becomes hell on earth. But other than that, it’s a delight. You can wander for hours wondering what kind of person you would be if you had a new living room, or how you would definitely become organized with a new Expedit desk. And no matter how hard our economy’s downfall is hitting you, you can still find something you can afford, be it a $200 couch or a $3.49 pot lid holder or a $7 stuffed blue giraffe (it’s awesome). But the most affordable thing is the food. And by affordable I mean financially, not calorie wise. It is not the kind of food to trim the waist line, but hopefully you spent enough time walking in circles through mock living rooms, kitchens, etc. that you’ll burn off any calories you ingest.
I decided to go try the cinnamon bun. It seemed like a good way to go to try and recover from an open bar holiday party the night before. The cinnamon bun was yummy, but a little on the dry side. It doesn’t have that doughy mushiness that one has come to expect after the spread of the chain Cinnabon. But luckily a soda doesn’t cost much more than a stamp, so that helped wash it down. After our shopping adventures (i.e. aimless wandering interrupted only by “Oh, I could really use….), I went for a $1 yogurt and it was creamily delicious and a perfect way to end our time at Ikea.
Another reason I love Ikea (aside from their many, many products and funny names) is that I’ve heard the owner of Ikea still drives a beat up Volvo to work. This is a guy who has surpassed Bill Gates in terms of wealth, but still has the good sense and character to drive an old Volvo. You gotta respect that.
Jessica says:
Oprah has this section in her magazine where she asks interesting people, “What do you know for sure?” (http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/omagazine/200811_omag_for_sure). I like to come up with different answers so I’m prepared for the day when Oprah and I bump into each other, become instant friends, and she asks me–of course after we have talked for hours about our favorite books, philosophy, politics, etc. Here is what I know for sure today, Oprah, the English make really crappy hot dogs.
I know this because you get weird cravings for the foods of home when you live abroad; things you would never really be that excited about, if they were readily available to you. Occasionally I would get hot dog cravings when I lived in the UK (as well as macaroni and cheese made from the orange powder mix and that pink strawberry cake from the box). My first year living in England, I decided to throw a Fourth of July party and set about gathering all the necessary equipment: fireworks – check (after a brief trip to a store filled with bongs, roach clips, and various tie-dyed things where the proprietor told us about a rave we should totally come to that night), Budweiser – check, hamburgers – check, hot dogs – uh oh. I had concerns about what passes as ‘hot dogs’ in England from an earlier experience I’ll explain in a second, but H assured me Sainsbury’s would have them. I searched the refrigerated sausage section and saw none. When I told my
friend, H, they didn’t have any she said, “Oh no, hot dogs wouldn’t be in this isle, they’re over here…” She led me to the canned food isle and I knew this could not be good. H pointed at a tall tin can with a generic-looking label ‘HOT DOGS.’ I tried to explain to her that there was no possible way those were hot dogs, but I think she just thought I was being a food snob (or as much of a food snob as you can be over meat scraps encased in synthetic animal intestine). I refused to buy whatever was in that can.
My first experience with English hot dogs happened months earlier during what was also my first Ikea experience. About a week after moving in with my flatmates in Bristol, we trekked out to Ikea. By the time we made it through the maze of the store, I was starving. When my flatmate suggested we get some hot dogs from the snack bar I was confused why a furniture store would have a snack bar, but that was quickly replaced with delight when I noticed the price. If memory serves, they were about 25p (about $.50). I’m in! Then I ate one, or rather took two bites of one. It tasted like sawdust encased in plastic. V. v. disappointing. At the time I assumed that all Ikea hot dogs tasted as such. Not true. That’s just all English hot dogs.
To get back to what I’m supposed to be talking about here, my review of Ikea:
Alison and I, in a slightly hungover state (we are suckers for free alcohol), decided it was a swell idea to get in a little Ikea Christmas shopping Sunday morning. I have a studio apartment and need space-saving kitchen and office furniture. However, because we might have been a smidgen hungover, we required sustenance before we could muster the energy for any shopping. As it turns out, the Ikea hot dogs in the US are good (and still cheap). The cinnamon rolls were not so good. I think they had been sitting out too long because when I tried to tear off a piece, it would crumble in my hand. Cinnamon rolls are supposed to be soft and gooey. Of course, in the state I was in, that didn’t stop me from finishing mine.
My Ikea tip #1 is if you are going on the weekend, go before noon, otherwise there are so many people there even the fun of trying to pronounce words with umlauts is not enough to make it worth the trouble.
Tip #2 – beware the super-cheap siren that is the Ikea kitchen accessories section. You might think, “Oh yay! Funny shaped ice trays! And they’re only $.25,” but remember–you have an ice maker and don’t need ice cube trays.
I love that Ikea has maps posted throughout the store directing you to follow the one pathway in and out. It feels like you’re on a treasure hunt. I walked in and out of every show room declaring I wanted everything in it (even the children’s rooms).
On the Ikea furniture I would say the best qualities are the simple Swedish design and reasonable prices; the worst bit is that every piece ‘requires some assembly.’
I recommend Ikea if you need cheap, simply designed furnishings or enjoy umlauts, but only before noon.
Two Blondes review a movie and ramble about themselves:
JESSICA SAYS:
I called dibs on Robert Pattinson years ago, but when I say ‘Robert Pattinson,’ I really mean Cedric Diggory. I first noticed him in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and the role of Cedric required him to be charming and heroic without saying much and to keep his hair at a reasonable level of unkemptness. Now yes, I know that at the time he was only 17 and I was…older than that. However, I knew if I just had a little patience, one day the world wouldn’t judge us as harshly.
These days, his hair has reached ridiculous levels. Have you seen this: http://www.tmz.com/2008/12/04/robert-pattinsons-internal-hair-war/? I mean honestly. We can’t go out now because I feel certain that he does not meet one of my dating requirements—that he take less time to get ready than I do. I can only imagine the effort that goes into getting one’s hair to do that. Even with the nonsensical hair, he is still v., v. pretty.
When I heard Robert Pattinson was cast as the beautifully heroic, beautifully sullen, beautifully tortured, beautiful vampire, Edward Cullen, I have to say I was v. pleased. (That’s just a small taste of how often Stephenie Meyer points out how beautiful he is in the book, but we are not here to review the book.) I should point out that I was about halfway into book three from the Twilight series when I saw this movie.
I read the first book in two nights and I am not a fast reader. It’s not really that the book was that good, but more so that I wanted to hurry up and get to ‘the good stuff,’ if you know what I’m saying. My inner teenage girl was constantly screaming, “Ooh! Kiss her!!” Then I realized when I got to the end of the book that there wasn’t going to be any ‘good stuff.’ I had heard Stephenie Meyer is Mormon, but I never really thought about what, if any, effect that might have on her writing, in the same way that I never considered what John Grisham’s religious beliefs might be when I read The Firm. I was just enjoying a fun, light read. It turns out I was probably underestimating what it means to be Mormon, since *SPOILER ALERT* the whole saga turns out to be a morality play about the value of virginity.
When I see a movie after having read the source material, I really try not to make nitpicky comparisons over stuff like whether Bella’s truck looked like it was described in the book or not. No one wants to be anywhere near the person in the theatre whispering loudly, “That’s not how it is in the book.” Since the movie was already cast and publicized by the time I finally got around to reading the books, Bella and Edward in my head looked like Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.
There were some plot changes, but they didn’t bother me. I was really too distracted by other issues. It was only moments into the movie when I discovered that unless guided by experienced hands (with a large budget), all those pieces of the vampires-are-real plot that were totally logical and not hokey in your head while reading the book, will look completely and utterly absurd on the big screen. I didn’t flinch at all when I read that Edward, being a vampire, sparkles magnificently in the sunlight. However, when I saw that in the movie, I convulsed into what I like to call the ‘church giggles’ (you know, when something funny happens in a situation where you are not supposed to be laughing, which only makes it harder not to laugh).
I have to say, I’m going to lay a lot of blame at the feet of Catherine Hardwicke, the director, here. I expected the movie to be cheesy, being that it is a romance about vampires marketed to teenage girls and a lot of the time I like cheesy, but this went beyond. I don’t know what direction, if any, the actors were given, but whenever someone was supposed to be brooding (which happens a lot in the film) they looked either like they were trying to telepathically communicate the lyrics to “Bohemian Rhapsody” (Robert Pattinson) or they were suffering from a bad case of irritable bowel syndrome (Jasper played by Jackson Rathbone). Oh, and the music! Ugh. I felt like there was a constant, overpowering score that was trying to make up for the drama or tension that wasn’t happening on the screen.
Let’s just suffice it to say: Robert Pattinson—still pretty, but please stop it with the hair. I’m not ready to write him off as a bad actor yet because he has some upcoming roles that sound intriguing, but if I had to judge only off his performance in Twilight he wouldn’t be getting very high marks. I was not going to waste money seeing the sequel until I heard the studio changed directors, so wise move on your part, Summit Entertainment, et al.
I don’t recommend seeing this movie, unless you could make some sort of Rocky Horror/Showgirls-like drinking game out of it.
ALISON SAYS:
I just want you all to know that I am breathing very heavily and looking at the computer with brooding eyes as I type this blog. Okay that joke may be a couple weeks late, but some of us aren’t thirteen and have jobs and may have been too busy to go see Twilight opening weekend. Speaking of opening weekend, I heard a funny story from someone who did actually attend a Twilight screening that weekend. As we all know, lines were long and full of teenage girls. And apparently before letting lines in, movie ushers would instruct the crowds not to scream, run, or squeal as they entered the theater. I love that this had to be stressed. Those poor theater employees must have their ears pounding by the end of opening weekend with all the screaming fans.
Overall, I found this movie hilarious. I laughed a lot, I know I wasn’t supposed to, but I did. All the jumping and sparkling and lingering looks and angst. I also learned that apparently when vampires go into direct sunlight their button down shirts suddenly open up, revealing perfectly carved abs and pecs and they become sparkly. I am a huge fan of sparkles (huge), but I don’t understand why the undead would be sparkly. I realize the target audience for this movie are big fans of glitter, so what could possibly be better than a dreamy, glittering hunk of a man/boy, but still it seems to go against every conception of what it is to be undead.
A lot of the movie felt like an overly dramatized music video. Lots of heavy guitar twangs underlining what’s happening in the story and the oh so deep emotions of Bella and Edward. But it’s definitely still an entertaining flick to watch, even if you’re not a thirteen-year-old girl or a die-hard fan of the book series. Let’s just put it out there, Robert Pattinson is hot. Any red-blooded woman probably felt at least some kind of twinge in her lady parts from his appearance on screen, even with all the white powder.
Dear Robert Pattinson’s cheekbones,
We get it.
Alie
I’ve had some of my less good looking male friends complain about how they can never tell what a girl wants. And they’re right. You could have a guy show up with a dozen roses, and if you don’t like him, you’d find it weird or creepy, but if you like him, it’s a grand, sweeping gesture. Someone like Robert Pattinson can tell a girl he likes to watch her sleep and it doesn’t register on the creepyometer, because you’re too entranced by his perfectly messy coif or his dark, searching eyes or the way the light catches his beautiful skin. So to my less handsome male friends, don’t tell a girl you watch her sleep or stare at her from across a room while breathing heavily. Unless you look like Pattinson, it’s probably not gonna go the way you had planned.
LA Viewers: It’s worth catching a matinee at the Grove or Arclight, but I wouldn’t pay full price unless you are 13.
Translation for non-LA natives: A matinee is the way to go.
Two Blondes review a movie and ramble about themselves.
JESSICA SAYS:
I am not old enough to have any first-hard knowledge of Watergate or Nixon. I only know the handful of TV clips that get replayed: sweating during the debates, “I am not a crook,” the wave as he boarded Marine One for the last time, etc. Also, I grew up hearing my grandmother refer to Nixon, almost exclusively as Tricky Dick. I remember asking my Mom once, why was he ’tricky.’ “He lied,” she told me. “Don’t all politicians lie?” “Well, he lied about trying to spy on people who disagreed with him.” I didn’t get any more information than that about Watergate in school because our textbooks always seemed to stop right after World War II, as if nothing noteworthy happened after that. Perhaps that is because I went to public schools with text books that were at least a decade old, which means Watergate was still recent history when they were written. It’s OK though, you don’t have to be a historian to enjoy this movie.
The synergy of Frost/Nixon being released during a scandal involving a powerful politician brought down by taped conversations where he talks about, amongst many appalling things, going after the press for criticizing him is remarkable. Even more remarkable to me is that out of the two of them, Richard Nixon is more sympathetic than Rod Blagojevich.
Frank Langella is absolutely fan-freaking-tistic as Richard Nixon. If he doesn’t at least get an Academy Award nomination, then I don’t want to know ya, Academy. Michael Sheen and Langella are as well matched as opponents as Frost and Nixon were. You find yourself rooting for the good guys to pin the bastard to the wall, while at the same time sympathizing with the villain (his dad was mean to him and he just wants to be liked…).
Was Diane Sawyer really part of the team trying to put a shine on Richard Nixon’s image after he resigned? I don’t want that to be true because I like Diane Sawyer.
I recommend this movie to…everyone. Seriously. Go see this movie.
ALISON SAYS:
I’ll be honest, I’m not the biggest history buff. My knowledge is spotty at best when it comes to basic things having to do with the history of our country and the world. I wish I was like my father and retained that kind of stuff (he would kill on Jeopardy orTrivial Pursuit), but I don’t and I sometimes find it boring. So I was kinda concerned that I would find Frost/Nixon boring and wish I had just stayed in and watched more DVD’s of Friday Night Lights. I was also concerned I wouldn’t know what was going on, because when I think of Nixon, the first thing that comes to mind are the Nixon masks Patrick Swayze’s gang donned in Point Break. But all my fears were unfounded. I loved the movie. I’m not saying it’s a perfect film by any means, but it is interesting and really sucks you in.
Frank Langella’s Nixon broke my heart. I was shocked to find myself sympathizing with Nixon, but Langella’s amazing performance won me over. I just wanted to give Nixon a hug. I was also really impressed with Kevin Bacon, because there were definitely times where I forgot it was Kevin Bacon and just saw a loyal, tough colleague to the ex-president. I can’t really think of one weak link among the entire cast. And of course there is their fearless and adorably red-headed leader; Ron Howard is a pro. The guy knows how to direct and how to make a great film. He will always hold a special place in my heart, because he made Splash and he brought the world Arrested Development. I also love that he and his producing partner, Brian Grazer, have been together from the beginning. It’s a bromance made in Hollywood heaven. I kinda stumbled into Brian Grazer the other day in Beverly Hills (yes I am very, very clumsy), and he was super nice, not at all blustery or asshole-ish like some big film producers would be.
LA Viewers: It’s worth paying full price at the Grove or Arclight.
Translation for non-LA natives: Get to the theaters
Two Blondes review a movie and ramble about themselves.
ALISON SAYS:
I love David Fincher. I think Se7en and Fight Club are two of the best movies ever. Ever! Also, on a personal note, I met Fincher at a premiere a while back. He was super nice, despite me being a rambling fan who probably reeked of Appletini’s at the time. And he’s pretty cute. That said, I really liked The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but I didn’t love it as much as I wanted to. Is it a marvel and an accomplishment of film making? Yes. Am I impressed with what they were trying to do? Yes. Is Brad Pitt talented? Yes. Was the movie too long and felt a tad too much like Oscar bait rather than just passionate film making? Yes.
Brad Pitt did really impress me with his performance. Especially during the times when he was a child/old man at the beginning. There was a vulnerability to his performance that I haven’t seen from him before and was really happy to see. Of course as he grows younger, he stunned with those golden boy looks. But this movie also proved Brad Pitt is still pretty damn hot, even with wrinkles and lanky gray hair. Congrats Angelina! Cate Blanchett is stunningly beautiful and talented, as always. I’m not sure if there’s anything she can’t do.
I was intrigued by the idea of a person growing younger throughout their life and how that wouldn’t be a fantasy scenario. I will now be much more grateful to grow old with the person I love, rather than growing younger. I also loved the idea of the clock that runs backwards. There were a lot of parts about the movie that I loved, it’s just the whole that threw me. I didn’t find myself caring at all about the story in the present with the daughter and her dying mother. I’m still not sure how I feel about the random shots of the old guy who was continually hit by lightning. On one hand it was funny and visually interesting, on the other hand, it was distracting from the main story and seemed unnecessary, especially when the movie was already an hour too long.
There’s something about The Curious Case of Benjamin Button that made me feel like Fincher decided he needed to make his Forrest Gump. Despite that, he still accomplished a mood with the movie, a timeless love story, and a connection to the past that is worth going to the theaters for. Just be prepared to get restless butt syndrome while you’re watching it.
LA Viewers: I’d say to hit up a matinee at the Grove or Arclight, or wait till it hits one of those little cheap theaters on Beverly Blvd.
Translation for non-LA natives: Go to a matinee.
JESSICA SAYS:
I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button over Christmas and have been putting off writing my review because I didn’t really know what I wanted to say about it. The film is long. 2h 47min. I mean, I feel like I complain about movie lengths a lot on here, but if you expect me to sit still for three hours in a dark room, the story better be pretty riveting. I can’t say that I thought this movie was. I feel like I gave them three hours of my time and I didn’t come away thinking anything more than what I went into the movie thinking—it’s a story where Brad Pitt ages backwards. Aging backwards is an interesting thought, but I didn’t get anything profound out of the story about life, death, aging, etc. It was just…OK.
I recommend renting this movie, but I bet this will end up being one of those titles you add to you Netflix/Blockbuster queue and when it shows up at your house you keep it for about two months before you get around to watching it.
Two blondes watch their TiVo and pass judgment on Hollywood:
ALISON SAYS:
MEGAN FOX
Did anyone else notice Megan Fox’s nervous blabbering on the on red carpet during the pre-show? She said her boyfriend, Brian Austin Green, wouldn’t attend the Golden Globes with her because: “He’s a man.” Sounds to me like a certain TV actor is jealous of their significant other’s movie career and rising level of fame.
NEIL PATRICK HARRIS
There was one point during the show where NPH gave the camera a big wink. I chose to believe that wink was directed at me and meant that NPH and I will be best friends forever and share laughs over why Renee Zellweger wore such a crazy dress.
KATE WINSLET
Kate Winslet = awards and awesomeness. She’s always classy both on the red carpet and when accepting her multiple much deserved awards.
RUMER, DEMI & ASHTON
When Rumer Willis was introduced as the Golden Globe gal, the camera cut to Demi and Ashton, who each waved in a loving, parental way. I think it’s awesome Demi found a hot, younger man. I think more women should. But once that younger man waves to your daughter in a dad kind of way(who isn’t much younger than him), it loses the sexy appeal and just feels weird and icky.
MARISA TOMEI
What was up with the flouncy blouse? After seeing The Wrestler, we all know you have a kicking body. Why not show it off? We also now know you have immense talent, so you don’t need to hide your hotness to be taken seriously.
MEN WITH EARRINGS
A lot of men still seem to have earrings, especially ones who were attending the Golden Globes. Bruce Springsteen, the guy who directed the movie from Israel, Colin Farrel. And those earrings aren’t doing them any good. It just makes them seem that much older and like they’re hanging on to a fad from decades ago.
DOWNEY AND HIS SUNGLASSES
Why was Robert Downey Jr wearing sunglasses while sitting inside? That’s Jack’s schtick. 30 ROCK
I am wiping a tear of joy from my eye and sighing with deep content. Sure, the economy is tanking and the world may go up in flames at some near point in the future, but we still live in a world where 30 Rock exists. I was very happy to watch their many wins. One of my favorite parts had to be when Alec Baldwin won and they cut to the 30 Rock table and there was Kenneth clapping. Okay, I know he’s an actor and has a name, but he was clapping just the way Kenneth would over excitedly clap and smile. And it made me all warm inside.
HUGGING P DIDDY
Is he still called P Diddy? Either way, how adorable was it when that tiny composer from Slumdog Milionaire hugged Sean Combs? So cute.
DREW BARRYMORE
Drew Barrymore’s hair was just a tad too tousled, where it kinda made her look crazy.
DEXTER
Michael C. Hall was robbed. He should have won for Dexter.
RICKY GERVAIS
I had kind thought I was a little sick of Ricky Gervais, but after his hilarious performance and commentary tonight, I remembered why I loved him in the first place.
JONAS BROTHERS
Are they attractive? I’m too distracted by their chastity bracelets and waxed to perfection eyebrows to tell. I know they have legions of screaming fans who would disagree with me, but I find them so incredibly boring and lacking any kind of charisma.
WALL-E
I personally think WALL-E should have won for best feature film, not just best animated feature film. It is the best film I have ever seen and probably ever will see. And I loved this quote from Andrew Stanton’s acceptance speech, in regards to his children: “You inspire every emotion I ever try to capture on screen.”
THE DEPPSTER
Johnny Depp seemed like someone doing an impersonation of Johnny Depp.
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
I haven’t seen it, but I’m now going to get my ass to the theater ASAP.
MICKEY ROURKE
After seeing The Wrestler (review to follow), I do agree with the Hollywood Foreign Press that Mickey Rourke deserved Best Actor. His performance was amazing. Sure, his win was a little soured by the fact that he was wearing sparkles, a wallet chain and blond streaks on purpose and not as part of a costume for a character. The man may be strange and tacky, but he’s also very talented.
JESSICA SAYS:
OK, I just got off work and the red carpet show has already been happening for 30min. Thank goodness for TiVo. First up…
JONAS BROTHERS
Nancy O’Dell, I’ll take your last question to the brothers, what keeps the ladies from them? Vows of chastity.
RAINN WILSON Love the shades.
MILEY CYRUS Try not to adjust your boobs when you’re standing in front of a camera. Just a tip from me to you. I know you’re young and still learning.
AMERICA FERRERA
She looks v. pretty. Thank you, America, for holding it down for the girls who aren’t a size zero.
By the way, why is Tiki Barber one of the hosts for this? I mean, he is handsome and looks good in a tux, but he’s a football player. It’s not like they need someone to break down the spread offense at the Golden Globes.
AMANDA SEYFRIED
None of the women are wearing any color to speak of so far. Amanda is, what, the fifth woman onscreen so far and no colors. She looks pretty, but I’m getting bored.
STEVE CARRELL
I love you, but lose the beard.
BLAIR UNDERWOOD
I hope my sister, T, is watching this because she had the biggest crush on him back in the LA Law days. He still looks good, T.
OK, I’ve just noticed that they have fake camera flashes set up. There are, what appear to be, strobe lights set up on stands. Were the actual camera flashes inadequate in some way? Is it just to make people feel more famous than they actually are?
OK, that’s it for the red carpet show. My verdict: boring. Everyone looked pretty, but I wasn’t wowed by anyone.
I’m totally adopting, “Hello? Mamma talking, mamma talking,” from Jennifer Lopez to use when I want people to be quiet.
Best Actress in a Supporting Role – Motion Picture
Yay! Kate Winslet won! I haven’t seen The Reader yet, but I LOVE Kate Winslet. Marisa Tomei was awesome in The Wrestler too. Plus, I love to see people get so emotional and to hear the crowd really erupt for someone like they did.
Best Original Song
If Miley Cyrus wins an award over Peter Gabriel and Bruce Springsteen, then the Hollywood Foreign Press Assoc. has no taste in music…pfew! The Boss won. All is right with the world.
Best Supporting Actor – TV *fingers crossed*please be NPH, please be NPH, please be NPH…Tom Wilkinson. OK, he’s a very fine actor, but I didn’t see John Adams, as I don’t get HBO (I know, pity me). It’s just that I have a serious crush on Neil Patrick Harris, and yes I know he likes boys. I don’t care).
Whoa! Renee Zellweger’s hair! Crazy. What happened? It looks like she slept in those pink foam curlers my mom used to have from the 1960’s.
Don Cheadle is introduced as the star of Hotel Dogs? Really? I get they are trying to promote that movie, but they mention Hotel Dogs and not Hotel Rwanda?
Actor TV Series – Drama Oh, John Hamm is sexy.
I love that Ricky Gervais scolded the crowd again for being noisy. Plus, in this one instance, I think the Holocaust jokes were funny and not too cringe worthy.
Best Actress Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy
How cute was Sally Hawkins? I haven’t seen Happy-Go-Lucky yet, but it’s at the top of my list (but yes, the speech did drag a bit).
Best Supporting Actor Motion Picture Heath Ledger. An extraordinary performance and I truly think he would have won if he was still with us.
Best Actor – Television Yay! Alec Baldwin! Two in a row. He may be a little crazy in real life, but he is hilarious in the show. If I was foreign, a journalist, and a member of the Hollywood Foreign Press Assoc., he totally would have had my vote.
Seriously, what the hell is Renee Zellweger wearing? Is she in mourning over something that I don’t know about? It could explain her hairstyle, as I believe some people cover all the mirrors when in mourning.
Best TV Series – Musical or Comedy
Yay! 30 Rock. Like I doubted it would win for a minute. Hahah! “Deal with it Cate Blanchett!”
I wonder who makes the seating chart for this show. Like, what happens if you are the only person from your show nominated? Next to whom do they seat you? I think I just saw Christina Applegate (Samantha Who?) sitting next to Sally Field (Brothers & Sisters). Could that be a left-over table?
Best Actress in a TV Series – Musical or Comedy Seriously. Tina Fey is adorable and I worship her. “You can find a lot of people there that don’t like you and I would like to address some of them now…DianeFan, you can suck it.”
Cecil B. DeMille
Honestly, has Steven Speilberg been someway involved in every film in the last 30 years? That’s what it felt like watching his montage. I bet he has had a hand in at least one film on everyone’s top 10 list.
Sacha Baron Coen, you should know better. Hollywood can’t take a joke about itself. Don’t you remember what happened to Chris Rock at the Oscars when he made a joke about Jude Law?
Best Actress Motion Picture – Drama
Kate again! I really love her. She is smart, funny, pretty, and very good at what she does.
Best TV Drama
Well, they didn’t nominate my top two choices, Lost and Friday Night Lights, so Mad Men comes in third in my mind. If you haven’t seen it, give it a gander, it’s worth it—smart, compelling stories shot in a visually interesting way. Plus, you can marvel at Christina Hendricks’ figure. Wowza.
Best Actor Motion Picture – Drama
Mickey Rourke, I just saw The Wrestler (review to follow soon). He really is remarkable in that film. Plus, his personal story at this point is almost equally compelling. I can not imagine anyone else being able to play that part. Winner for most uses of the word ‘balls’ in a thank you speech, Mickey Rourke! My picture went blank there for a few seconds at the end of his speech. Did he say something that bad or was that just a technical glitch?
Best Motion Picture – Drama
Slumdog Millionaire. I haven’t seen it yet, so I can’t really comment. It looks good. I hear they end the film with jazz hands, so that sounds fun. I feel like a see a fair amount of films, but I haven’t seen this or Vicky Christina Barcelona.
Two Blondes watch their TiVo and ramble about themselves:
JESSICA SAYS:
NOTE: This is less a ‘review’ of the episode and more my stream of consciousness while watching it…
“You know that sound you’re hearing, you know, that boom? That’s my mind blowing.”
(That’s a quote from another JJ Abrams-related project. Bonus points if you know which one.)
Seriously folks. With the words, “Previously, on Lost,” my excitement is at a level not reached since…last night watching the President and First Lady take their first dance.
Is that an aged Sun in the bed with mystery man? No, I don’t think so, but they look similar. OK, I think they are telling us we are in the past, what with the lack of a microwave and the presence of a record player. Dr. Candle is the mystery man! Orientation film tells us the Dharma Initiative was trying to spy on the natives. Interesting.
Faraday is in the past! Oh, I get the feeling this season is going to keep me on my toes, what with the time traveling plots. Apparently the guy who died drilling the holes into the wall suffered to something similar to what was going on with Desmond in “The Constant” because it looked like he died of a nosebleed.
I don’t like future-Jack. He’s a total downer. At least he just shaved of the depressing beard.
OK, I don’t want to jump the gun here in our ‘review,’ but I LOVE THIS SHOW. Faraday tells us he was ‘inside the radius,’ so apparently the freighter and the helicopter were not. The weird donkey has apparently taken them back in time (cue Huey Lewis).
As a major fan of My So-Called Life, I am delighted to see Tom Irwin has joined the cast…for at least two episodes, according to IMDb. If you want to see a great story about the relationship between girls and their dads, you must check out the “Father Figures” episode of MSYCL (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0654950/). Note ‘father figures’ is a recurring theme on Lost too. See how I tied it all back together there? I can review and watch at the same time!
I liked the little nod to Hitchcock and North by Northwest with the smuggling plane flyover Locke. This is a question I would like to pose: Who has creepier eyes, Ben or Ethan?
Ahhhhhhh! Light bulb moment!! Could the ‘skipping through time’ be related to the whisper voices on the Island? As in, some sort of people stuck in another dimension kind of thing? Think about it.
Things I have learned from Lost: If you suspect evil people might be after you, load your dishwasher with the knives sharp end up so you can whip open the door in the middle of the fight with said perpetrators and push them on the knives.
OK, right I’m supposed to be reviewing. Reviewing…
How long will Sawyer be shirtless? Is it too much to hope the answer to that is three more seasons?
Now Charlotte is suffering from the nosebleed disease too. Uh oh.
Why does Hurley see dead people? Are they really just figments of his imagination? I like Ana Lucia’s fringe.
Ha ha! I was right!! Frogurt just took a flaming arrow to the chest.
I knew Ms. Hawking was going to be important to the show. Fionnula Flanagan is too great an actress to be wasted in a tiny role. Although I didn’t dig the fact that the scene between Ms. Hawking and Ben felt like it was out of The DaVinci Code.
OK, it just ended and all I can think about is how I feel like I need to watch the show three more times.
ALISON SAYS:
The second the 2 hour premiere of Lost ended, I literally sat up and yelled out “No” at the TV, because I am so eager to see what happens next. If you are not watching Lost, then I am very, very sad for you and think you should reevaluate your priorities in life. Lost is the of the culmination of great television. I can’t imagine any show reaching the pinnacles of storytelling that this show has reached. And the season 5 premiere did not disappoint. Also, Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof were adorably charming during the 1 hour recap before the new episode, especially when they described Jack going downhill in Season 4 and growing a bad beard.
I don’t want this review spoil any plot points, so I won’t go into too many details. The opening sequence and reveal of who we’re watching was just an incredible beginning to what is sure to be an incredible season. Sawyer being without his shirt for much of the beginning of the episode didn’t hurt either.
During the premiere, we spend some of our time in the “real world,” and it must be noted that Ben is just as scary a bad guy off the island as on the island. Seriously, when does Michael Emerson get his Emmy and/or Golden Globe?
Two Blondes review movies and ramble a lot about themselves:
JESSICA SAYS:
Normally, if you said to me, “Jessica, do you want to go see that new Mickey Rourke movie about professional wrestlers,” I would politely decline and then reevaluate why we are friends. That was until I saw the preview for The Wrestler before The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I was intrigued. It actually looked good. Really good. Guess what? It totally is good.
Nine 1/2 Weeks was the only Mickey Rourke movie I had seen before now and I had never seen a Darren Aronofsky film. I know, I should totally see Pi and Requiem for a Dream and I want to, I just haven’t made it around to them yet (especially Requiem for a Dream. It stars my pretend boyfriend, Jordan Catalano…ahem, I mean Jared Leto. He’s so pretty.). What I did know about Mickey Rourke was, and I don’t know how to say this politely, but…OK, forget polite, the freak show that was his face after too much or just really bad plastic surgery. But hey, I still enjoy Kathy Griffin even with somewhat distracting plastic surgery. I loved that Aronofsky made the decision to follow Rourke from behind for the first few minutes of the film. It had the combined effect of letting you get into the story without the distraction of Rourke’s face, while at the same time building tension for it’s arrival.
The fact that I really enjoyed this movie is all the more remarkable when you consider that I abhor professional wrestling. My grandpa and my cousin, David, used to watch it when I was a kid and it scared the bejeezus out of me. Randy ‘Macho Man’ Savage, Jake the Snake, and of course, Hulk Hogan. I would try to watch with them, but I just couldn’t stand it. Even though I knew it was ‘fake,’ I found nothing enjoyable about watching a man hit another man with a folding chair. You don’t have to have any opinion on the WWF to appreciate this film.
Marisa Tomei is great. I never saw My Cousin Vinny, but I know there have always been rumblings that she didn’t deserve her Oscar for it. She deserves any accolades she gets for this part. Not to mention that every inch of her body is on full display in The Wrestler and she looks damn good. It’s fair to say that her performance is naked in every sense of the word, which is a pretty remarkable thing to watch.
I was really moved by this movie. If broke my heart a little, so if you’re looking for a pick-me-up, this is not the film. I won’t give away the specifics of the ending, but I will say I was pleased with it. Not everything is tied up with a little bow for you. For a change, an American film gives the audience’s intelligence the benefit of the doubt. Thank you.
I recommend seeing this film as soon as possible. Mom, if you’re reading, be warned that there are squirm-inducing injuries in this film–think staple gun. *Shiver*
ALISON SAYS:
It took me a while to finally sit down and write my review for The Wrestler. 45% of that may be contributed to procrastination and a new fascination with Hulu.com (yes, I know I’m behind the times, but I had an old computer up until recently that didn’t work well with Hulu). Anyway, my point is besides the 45% procrastination, there was also the 55% (is that math right?) that had to do with wanting to do this film justice and being able to put into words how I felt watching this film. The word “wrecked” comes to mind.
I never thought I’d be so moved by a film about a guy who spends his time in tanning booths and lycra, especially one starring Mickey Rourke. But that is why Darren Aronofsky is a genius (not that I’m not a genius, but on the genius scale, I would put Aronofsky just a tad higher). And that is also why I am saddened that Aronofsky wasn’t nominated for an Oscar for Best Directing. I haven’t seen The Reader or Milk yet, and of the other films in that category that I have seen, they were excellent movies and directors who proved why they’re at the top of their game. But nothing comes close to the surprising (some might say shocking) performance that Aronofsky got out of Mickey Rourke. I can’t imagine any other film feeling as real and heartbreaking as this one does. Aronofsky is a master at this, as can be seen in Requiem For A Dream, an amazing film.
The Wrestler is gritty. It seems like a cliche word to use, but it fits. The graininess of the footage and the close-ups of Rourke’s surgery-ravaged face. Every bleak detail of Randy ‘The Ram’ Robinson’s life broke my heart. There’s something about a over the hill, tanned, strangely chiseled man with bleached hair putting in a hearing aid or wearing bifocals that wrenched at my heart like nothing I’ve ever felt in a film before. Mickey Rourke deserves every accolade coming his way. I only hope he learns from the tragedy of the character he plays in The Wrestler, and uses some of that wisdom to deal with his rebirth as a movie star. Praise must also be heaped on Marisa Tomei. It took guts and fearlessness to play that role. I’m not just talking about being almost nude in the film. Tomei shows she is an Oscar worthy actress, along with still having an amazing body.
Sidenote: I found it interesting the script was written by Robert D. Spiegel, former Editor in Chief of The Onion, of which I am a big fan. I was also surprised he wasn’t nominated for an Oscar for Best Screenplay.
Personal note: I used to watch wrestling on TV with my dad as a kid. Maybe that’s why I was so moved at seeing what some of my childhood entertainers may have turned into.
LA Viewers: Go see it now! It’s worth paying full price at the Grove or Arclight for.
Translation for non-LA natives: This a film worth seeing in the theaters.
Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves.
JESSICA SAYS:
My mother is known for two constant comments, when it comes to movies:
“Well…it wasn’t what I expected,” and, “You know, I’m just such a Pollyanna…” So it was no surprise that when I asked Mom what she thought of Slumdog Millionaire, she said, “Well, it wasn’t what I was expecting. T (one of my other sisters) said it was going to be uplifting and I guess there was just too much abuse of children for me. You know, I’m just such a Pollyanna…”*
*Please note: To be accurate, any quotes by my mother need to be read with a strong Midwestern accent.
As it turns out, both Mom and T are right. There is a lot of horrible abuse of children (and adults) in this film, but it still manages to be uplifting. I think the beauty of this film is that really horrible things happen to the characters, but the hero doesn’t let it change who he is as a person and in the end (and I don’t think this is giving anything away), he triumphs.
The child actors in the movie (Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail, Ayush Mahesh Khedekar, Rubiana Ali, Tanay Chheda, Ashutosh Lobo Gajiwala, and Tanvi Ganesh Lonkar - and yes, I had to copy and paste those) are fantastic and totally lacking in all the saccharine precociousness most child actors have that makes me squirm. I listed all their names because each one of them was remarkable. They will break your heart.
I am fully aware that this might sound a bit corny, but I don’t care. It’s true. This film reminded me that movies have the magical ability to transport you to a world you’ve never seen before. This scenery was rich and beautiful and so much credit must go to Danny Boyle and Loveleen Tandan (directors), Anthony Dod Mantle (cinematographer) and Mark Digby (production designer).
I loved this film. I recommend you go see this movie right now. Seriously, go! Also, if you like this movie I recommend Cidade de Deus (City of God) and Tsotsi – both similar films set in Brazil and South Africa, respectively.
ALISON SAYS:
Some of the reviews make this look like a feel good movie. And I guess by the end, you do feel good about watching this film and feel uplifted by a tale of triumph over impossible odds and a story of love. But be warned, this is not an easy film to watch. The slums of Mumbai is not an easy place to be, either as an orphan on the run (like our main character) or as an audience member viewing a world that is harsh, dirty and dangerous.
I would love to pick Danny Boyle’s brain (the director). Here’s a man who made Trainspotting and 28 Days Later and now this film. These are three terrific, riveting films, but all so completely different. I am happy to see him being showered with accolades, and while he is obviously is responsible for this film being so incredible, I also think a lot of credit should be given to the cinematographer Anthony Dod Mantle and to A.R. Rahman, who composed the music. The directing and acting in the film is superb, but what stayed with me were the images, the colors of this world I know nothing about. And the amazing soundtrack. According to IMDb, A.R Rahman is known as the John Williams of the Indian Film Industry. I will definitely be (legally) downloading the music from Itunes.
Jessica and I went to see Slumdog Millionaire at the Arclight in the dome with my mom. We paid full price on a Friday, dealt with huge crowds and it was well worth it to see a film like this on the big screen, especially in such a spectacular theater. And I must thank Fox Searchlight for putting a film out there that both my mom and I could enjoy. She tends to love romantic comedies, while I tend to hate them. And usually any film that I love, she will call “interesting,” (which means she didn’t like it or enjoy it). So it was nice to bring Mom to a fancy Hollywood theater, to a film that we both really enjoyed. Mom used the word “exciting” a couple times when asked what she thought about the movie. She also loved the dancing and said she “would recommend it.”
LA Viewers: It’s worth paying full price at the Grove or Arclight.
Translation for non-LA natives: Find a theater near you on www.moviefone.com
Check out this interesting article on Slumdog Millionaire: http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0„20254915,00.html
Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves.
ALISON SAYS:
I really wanted to like Happy-Go-Lucky. Sally Hawkins seemed so cute and offbeat at the Golden Globes. I’ve read some raving reviews for the film, but I hate to say, I wasn’t too impressed. For about the first hour, I kept taking sideward glances at Jessica to see if she was as unimpressed as I was. She didn’t seem overly involved in the flight of Poppy either. My mom (who joined us to watch the film) had fallen asleep, probably from a combination of wine, jetlag and from the fact that she found the film boring as well.
I’m not saying I hated it or disliked it immensely. It just didn’t grab me. Maybe it was too British, though I do love British people and films. Maybe Hawkins’ cuteness was too offbeat for me. I can’t put my finger on it exactly. There were parts I liked and things I related to in the film, but other than that, I felt an almost blahness in response to watching it.
LA Viewers: Wait for the DVD.
Translation for non-LA natives: Netflix, baby!
JESSICA SAYS:
When we sat down to watch Happy-Go-Lucky, I told Alison, “I have a confession. I have no idea what this movie is going to be about.” When the end credits rolled, I turned to her and again said, “I have no idea what the plot of that movie was. Do you think it had a plot?” (Long pause.) We both answered, “Mmmm, not really.”
I thought this movie was…perplexing. I was genuinely charmed by Sally Hawkins’ character, Poppy, but what makes it perplexing to me is this: if you enjoyed watching something, but it had no plot does that mean is was good or bad? Is having a plot central to any story’s success? Mr. Oldvader, my high school AP English literature teacher says yes. Happy-Go-Lucky definitely has a theme, and it happens to be a theme I quite liked: happiness is a decision you make for yourself.* Poppy is a perpetual optimist, not because life has been nothing but kind to her, but rather because she chooses to see everything as a glass half-full. It’s just…where was the story?
After staring at the cursor blinking here, in the spot where I’m supposed to say whether or not I recommend this movie for about ten minutes, I’ve decided to recommend it like so: Add it to your Netflix/Blockbuster queue; not at the top, but on there somewhere, and some Saturday afternoon curl up on the couch with a cup of tea (obviously it has to be tea; Happy-Go-Lucky is v. British) and see what you think. Maybe you will see a plot where I didn’t, but at the very least, maybe this will inspire some self-reflection in you. It did for me.
*Alison agrees with me on this, despite finding the movie a little blah. She did like that idea and theme in the movie.
Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves:
ALISON SAYS:
If you’ve ever been someone who’s a little scared of the concept of marriage and life becoming stagnant and losing all meaning, don’t go see Revolutionary Road. It will only reinforce this fear. But the film will also reinforce your love and respect for Kate Winslet, Sam Mendes and for the costume designer on the film (her character had such great dresses). Kate Winslet rocks. There’s not much more to it. She’s beautiful, an incredible actress and has always chosen interesting roles (and even has comic chops, as exhibited on “Extras”). I can’t imagine though what it was like to make this film with your husband (for those who don’t already know this, the director, Sam Mendes, is her husband).
It was fun to see Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio reunited after all these years, and DiCaprio impressed me, at least in the second half of the film. During the first half, I never really forgot that I was watching Leo. He’s still too pretty to completely believe him as a grown-up, angry man. (Leo, go get a little rougher around the edges and those Oscars will roll in, I swear.) But during the later part of the film, I thought he had some great scenes that did show his depth as an actor and reminded me of some of my favorites of his past performances (Arnie in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and Jim in The Basketball Diaries). There were scenes where he broke out of being Leo and we saw a desperate, broken man who doesn’t know how to save his wife or make her love him again.
While I was impressed by some of the performances and aspects of the film, and still think Sam Mendes deserves loads of acclaim, I can’t say I loved the film as a whole. It was interesting to be in this world, but I couldn’t help thinking “Mad Men” did it and does it better. On a sidenote: my mom also saw this film and was recollecting how during her childhood, some women on her street would dress up for their husbands when they were getting home from work.
LA Viewers: Go see a matinee.
Translation for non-LA natives: If you live in the suburbs and ever doubt some of your life choices, maybe pick something more upbeat.
JESSICA SAYS:
For once, a movie makes you glad you’re a singleton and not a smug married. The portrait of a marriage provided by Revolutionary Road is anything but appealing. Take this scene:
April Wheeler: So now I’m crazy because I don’t love you, right? Is that the point?
Frank Wheeler: No! Wrong! You’re not crazy, and you do love me. That’s the point, April.
April Wheeler: But I don’t. I hate you. You were just some boy who made me laugh at a party once, and now I loathe the sight of you. In fact, if you come any closer, if you touch me or anything, I think I’ll scream.
Doesn’t that warm, kind exchange make you want to run right out and get married? No? Let me tell you, that fight only gets worse from there.
It is uncomfortable to watch two people completely emotionally eviscerate each other the way Kate Winslet (April Wheeler) and Leonardo DiCaprio (Frank Wheeler) do in this picture, but it’s completely riveting too. Kudos to Richard Yates and Justin Haythe (or ‘granola to you,’ as one of my friends might say) for a fantastic script. Yates’ 1967 novel this film is based on has been added to my must-read list. This is one of those films where you can just see that every member of the small village of people it takes to make a major motion picture brought their A-game. (I can’t believe I just used the phrase ‘A-game.’) Production design, props, costume, it is all spot on authentic.
Both Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet deliver Oscar-worthy performances here and the fact that neither of them was even nominated is ridiculous. It’s just further proof that politics and money have more to do with who wins Academy Awards than the performances too often. Michael Shannon is only in a few scenes, but he is so good I wished he got his own film about a mental patient in the 1950s. His performance is one of only three nominations for Revolutionary Road, with costume and art direction. If I ruled the world, it would get nominations for Best Picture, Best Lead Actress, Best Lead Actor, and Best Director. Alas, I do not; otherwise we would all take flying cars to work.
This movie left me thinking about a lot of things which, I think, is one of the best things you can say about any piece of art. For instance, as a woman, I am very thankful I was born at a time when the possibilities for my life were not determined by the fact that I’m female. Also, I marvel at how well Sam Mendes seems to understand the American suburbs for someone who grew up in Reading, England. In this film, he shows the same stiflingly powerful push to conform the suburbs seem to have as he depicted in American Beauty, only this time we get to watch a woman futilely struggle against it.
Two Blondes review a movie and ramble about themselves.
JESSICA SAYS:
I had my doubts about whether or not this film would live up to the hype. Get it? ’Doubts?’ It’s a pun! But I digress. My mom saw this movie before I did and every time we’ve talked since she tells me how good she thought this movie was. Now, Mom doesn’t have bad taste in movies, per se, but her taste is not necessarily the same as mine. For instance, she enjoys watching made-for-TV-movies on Lifetime Television for Women. I do not. I enjoy Pulp Fiction. There is not a single scene in that movie Mom would enjoy (violence + swearing + sex + drug use = a film Mom would never sit through).
It turns out Mom and I pretty much agree on this one. I’m not ready to say it’s the best movie I’ve seen in years, as Mom did, but it is definitely worth seeing. The hesitation I had going in to this film was that the previews made it seem so dour and bleak. You have to be in the right mood to want to sit down and watch a story about sexual abuse allegations. I now realize that this film isn’t really about sexual abuse. It does deal with that, but the story has more to do with gossip, standing up to authority figures, and trusting your instincts, than abuse.
The acting performances in the movie all around are as good as you have been hearing. What can I say about how great Meryl Streep is that hasn’t already been said? She really is a force to be reckoned with and Amy Adams, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Viola Davis all more than met the challenge. I want to give John Patrick Shanley a huge amount of credit because this story and the way he tells it are fascinating. The characters are constantly making twists and turns and as the audience, you never are quite sure who to believe until the end. That is not an easy feat to pull off.
I was raised Catholic, but I didn’t go to Catholic school, so I can’t really speak as to what that experience is like. The nuns in my parish didn’t seem as draconian as Streep’s Sister Aloysius, but they were certainly not to be messed with. I remember Sister Ruth Ann specifically who told us in CCD (the Catholic version of Sunday school) that it was healthy to have a glass of wine each night and in fact sometimes she just drank straight from the bottle, since it was only her and Sister Rose. I said I was raised Catholic, not I am Catholic because I’m still working out whether or not I really want to be Catholic. All the issues raised in the film about the Church are issues I struggle with internally, being Catholic. To say the Church is patriarchal is a bit of an understatement. It is the oldest of old boys clubs. Why does the mere fact that she is a woman determine that Sister Aloysius is a subordinate to Father Flynn? That’s only the tip of the iceberg of questions you’re left with at the end of Doubt (sexism, sexual abuse, the effects of progressive reform, racism, etc.). Let’s just say, like Sister Aloysius, I too have my doubts.
I recommend seeing this movie and it is worth a full-price ticket. Maybe you should plan a dinner or drinks afterwards with whoever you see it because you will want to discuss.
ALISON SAYS:
I’ll be honest, I thought I’d find Doubt boring. I knew I loved Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Amy Adams, but when I saw the trailers, it just looked like an overblown Oscar-baity drama with lots of boring outfits. I was wrong, very wrong. It’s great, truly great. My grandmother, who NEVER goes to movies anymore, actually made her way to the theater to see this film and said it was really good. My mom, who attended Catholic school with nuns as teachers, also saw the film and loved it. It was interesting to me that two of the main women in my life both made the effort to go see a film where one of the main themes is that of womens’ powerlessness in the old days.
As always, Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman blow you away with their skills as actors and remind you again why they’ve had enduring careers. Amy Adams is also fantastic and charming, continuing her streak of being the best thing to ever come out of dinner theater. And then there’s Viola Davis as the mother of Donald, Mrs. Miller. Her screen time is minuscule compared to Streep, Hoffman and Adams, but her performance was one of the most memorable of the film and haunts you long after watching it.
I just looked up the director, John Patrick Shanley, on IMDb and noticed the last thing he directed was Joe Versus The Volcano and he wrote Moonstruck. What a varied career. It also goes to show the Midas touch Scott Rudin has as a film producer, whatever that guy touches turns to Oscar gold. I talked to Rudin on the phone a few times at an old job, and just his voice alone can put the fear of God in you. Maybe that level of fear is it what it takes to continually create amazing, Oscar worthy films.
LA Viewers: If you’ve ever wanted to see the epitome of superb acting, go see this film in the theaters.
Translation for non-LA natives: Same goes for you.
Two Blondes shake their glittery Magic 8 Ball and make some predictions about the Oscars:
ALISON SAYS:
BEST PICTURE:
Who I think will win: Slumdog Millionaire
Who I want to win: WALL-E
I can’t describe how much I love WALL-E. It’s one of the only films in my life to make me cry (my heart is normally protected by a hard stone cover). I’ve never seen a character as loving, fragile and as wonderful as that goshdarn little robot. I’m sure admitting this publicly will take away what little “street cred” I have (if any), but I can’t refrain from gushing over WALL-E. Even my cell phone has a ring that involves that little robot yelling out “EVE-A.”
DIRECTING:
Who I think will win: Slumdog Millionaire
Who I want to win: The Wrestler, but Darren Aronofsky isn’t even nominated.
Dear Academy,
WTF?
Alison
ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE:
Who I think will win: Kate Winslet
Who I want to win: If you’d asked me five days ago, (before I received Frozen River on Netflix), I would have called it a tie between Meryl Streep and Kate Winslet. But now after having watched Frozen River, I’ve gotta put the tie between Melissa Leo and Kate Winslet. I’d also go so far as to call Melissa Leo’s performance almost as raw and gritty as Mickey Rourke’s (of course the films couldn’t be more different, but there’s something to both performances that struck a nerve with me and exhibited a lack of vanity).
ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE:
Who I think will win: Marisa Tomei. And I hope she says “See?! It wasn’t a fluke.”
Who I want to win: Marisa Tomei, followed closely by Viola Davis. Both women blew me away.
ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE:
Who I think will win: Toss up between Frank Langella and Mickey Rourke.
Who I want to win: Mickey Rourke. He’s fucking amazing in The Wrestler.
Mom, I’m sorry to swear, but it’s the truth.
I also wish there was a “Shout Out Best Actor” Oscar category that could be given to Ben Burtt for creating the voice and sounds for WALL-E.
ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE:
Who I think will win: Heath Ledger
Who I want to win: Tie between Heath Ledger and Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
Both were stunning performances. An honorable mention for funny must be given to Robert Downey Jr. for Tropic Thunder. I can’t imagine any other actor pulling off what he did in that film. I don’t think that means he should get an Oscar over the other nominees, but I’m sure glad he’s being recognized.
WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY):
Who I think will win: Slumdog Millionaire
Who I want to win: Doubt
I loved Slumdog Millionaire, but I think I loved it because it moves you while you’re watching it. Afterwards, after the music and lights have faded, you wonder about some holes in the script and story, but it was still a film that made you sad and happy and in between throughout, so you forgive those flaws. But in regards to Doubt, it performs on every level. I can’t think of any weakness in it. The script is pitch perfect.
WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY):
Who I think will win: Milk
Who I want to win: WALL-E.
Have I mentioned I love WALL-E? Cause I do. As I type this, I can look to my left and see a little WALL-E figurine sitting on my desk. And every time I look at it, my heart swells.
ANIMATED FEATURE FILM:
Who I think will win: I’m really not sure, but Kung Fu Panda did sweep the Annie Awards.
Who I want to win: WALL-E.
You may have noticed a theme of me loving WALL-E. On a sidenote, I do think Kung Fu Panda is wonderful and one of the best films DreamWorks has made. I also find it really exciting how many animated films there are that are entertaining for audiences of all ages.
CINEMATOGRAPHY:
Who I think will win: Slumdog Millionaire
Who I want to win: Slumdog Millionaire
Every nominee should get a gold star in my humble but accurate opinion. They’re all beautiful films.
COSTUME DESIGN:
Who I think will win: No idea.
Who I want to win: I’m not sure who I want to win, but I really want all of the dresses Kate Winslet wears in Revolutionary Road and all the hats Angelina Jolie wears in Changeling. Can someone please arrange that for me? I’d be your best friend forever!
MUSIC:
Who I think will win: Slumdog Millionaire
Who I want to win: WALL-E
While I loved the music in Slumdog Millionaire and have downloaded the album on iTunes, it’s the music in WALL-E that moved me and continues to move with every viewing in a way I’ve never experienced on any other film. As I’ve said, I love that little robot.
SOUND EDITING:
Who I think will win: WALL-E
Who I want to win: WALL-E
SOUND MIXING:
Who I think will win: WALL-E
Who I want to win: WALL-E
VISUAL EFFECTS:
Who I think will win: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Who I want to win: The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttonand WALL-E
No matter whether you’re a Benjamin Button lover or hater, you can’t deny what the visual effects department accomplished in the film. Visually, the film is a masterpiece, as is WALL-E.
*You may have noticed that there were quite a few ties in my choices. I obviously suffer from indecision and an intense love of good filmmaking. Also, it’s really hard to decide when you’re aware of how much work, blood, sweat and tears went into every film.
Congratulations and best wishes to all the nominees!
XXOO Alison
JESSICA SAYS:
BEST ACTOR:
My pick, were I an Academy member, would be Mickey Rourke and I’ll be shocked if he doesn’t win. I haven’t seen The Visitor or Milk yet, so I can’t speak to Sean Penn’s and Richard Jenkins’ performances. Running a close second here is Frank Langella. If anyone can step in front of Rourke, it’s Frank Langella as Richard Nixon. He is fantastic and already has a Tony for this role. However, I’m giving the upper hand to Rourke because, besides the fact that he gave an outstanding performance, there is nothing folks like more than an underdog.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
OK, I recently changed my mind on this one. I think Heath Ledger will win – it’s almost absolute at this point. He was a great actor and it truly is a shame we won’t get to see any future work from him. He was great in The Dark Knight. However, I’ve decided my vote (if I got one) in this category would go to Philip Seymour Hoffman. The more I have reflected on it, the more I really am astounded by his performance in Doubt. ( I haven’t seen Milk or Tropic Thunder.)
BEST ACTRESS
Kate Winslet. My reason is the same as everyone else’s (I presume). She is great in The Reader, but I’m also picking her for all those times she hasn’t won yet. Plus, she’s totally awesome and will give a killer acceptance speech. I totally respect the fact that she makes no bones about wanting to win. You should want to win. ( I haven’t seen Frozen River.)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
This is the category that is notoriously hard to pick, e.g. the last time Marisa Tomei won. Personally, I would vote for Amy Adams in Doubt, although I loved Viola Davis and Marisa Tomei too.
BEST DIRECTOR:
Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire. It is rare that Best Picture and Best Director don’t go hand and hand, so…
BEST PICTURE: Slumdog Millionaire. It will win, but Frost/Nixon is deserving as well.
OTHER CATEGORY PREDICTIONS:
Best Editing – Frost/Nixon
Best Foreign Language Film – Waltz with Bashir
Best Sound Editing – WALL-E (watch the DVD extras-they’re great)
Best Sound Mixing – The Dark Knight
Best Adapted Screenplay – Doubt
Best Original Screenplay – WALL-E
OTHER PREDICTIONS:
I predict Sally Kirkland and Faye Dunaway will inexplicably be in attendance. They have both been at the previous two ceremonies and have served to only make me fear the ageing process that much more. I can only hope they reappear so I can read what Go Fug Yourself has to say about an ensemble like this:
I predict Renee Zellweger, if she attends, will usurp Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan as the new most talked about weight issue.
Two Blondes watch their TiVo and mostly ramble about themselves:
ALISON SAYS:
THE PRE-SHOW
I watched a lot of the Oscar pre-show on E! and I mean A LOT. I am pretty sure I’ve lowered my IQ by many points, but at least now I know that Anne Hathaway loves sushi and that puppies look really cute in little workout outfits.
I did find it amusing when Ben Lyons had a fake sword fight with several actors from Role Models and Ken Jeong wouldn’t quit hitting Ben and Ben yelled out “I don’t have health insurance.” Later Ben assured his mother (on the air) that he was kidding and does have health insurance and not to worry.
Why is Debbie Matenopoulus orange? I’m worried she’s not taking the right vitamins.
Was anyone else super creeped out by E!’s digital switching of actresses’ heads during the pre-show?
I don’t want to make fun of Philip Seymour Hoffman. He’s amazingly talented and why should he give a darn as to how he looks? The thing is, he wore a knit cap to the Oscars. A knit cap. The kind I’d wear to Ralph’s along with sweatpants and a soup-stained flannel.
THE OSCARS
I’m a fan of Hugh Jackman’s. The man is sexy, talented and kicks ass playing Wolverine. But I didn’t think a guy that good looking could be funny as well. I was wrong. He was great and his opening number made me laugh. I have also gained a newfound respect and appreciation for Anne Hathaway after her “musical interpretation” of Nixon.
Tina Fey & Steve Martin as presenters = hilarious to the point of almost snorting Coke through one’s nose (Coke as in Coca Cola, not the kind typically associated with Hollywood). Tina Fey looked stunning, proving once again that life is not fair if one woman can be that talented, successful, funny, and still look that hot. Even though I may have wanted WALL-E to win for Best Original Screenplay, it did make my heart warm to watch the talented Dustin Lance Black make his acceptance speech. Usually it takes a happy, curious robot to make me tear up, but Dustin’s heartfelt words really moved me. Jessica was also looking for a tissue to dab at her eyes.
I read an interesting quote from Simon Beaufoy who won for Best Adapted Screenplay for Slumdog Millionaire. The screenwriter said of his goal for the script: “I wanted to get (across) the sense of this huge amount of fun, laughter, chat, and sense of community that is in these slums. What you pick up on is this mass of energy.” I think he accomplished that goal with his script.
WALL-E won for Animated Feature Film!!! Yay!!! If you noticed a blonde woman hooting and hollering a couple blocks away from the actual Oscar ceremony, that was me. I love, love, love this film and love, love, love Andrew Stanton and Pixar for making it.
Ben Stiller’s Joaquin Phoenix impression cracked me up. I’m not sure if all of America was in on the joke or not, but Jessica and I were amused. After it, my mom called during a commercial break to ask if I agreed with her that this was a bad Oscars show. She felt liked everyone didn’t know what they were doing. I disagreed, but also explained a live show will always have glitches and that the crazy behavior in the last segment had been part of the act.
I have not laughed out loud so much as I did during James Franco and Seth Rogen’s video segment. Those two dudes are funny. Though who really stole the show was cinematographer Janusz Kaminski with the line, “They made me do it, Mr. Spielberg.”
Okay, it wasn’t actually part of the Oscars, but it ran during them… the Tim Gunn Tide commercial. Only Tim Gunn could make a laundry detergent ad classy. Tim Gunn, you rock.
Danny Boyle’s Tigger jump during the acceptance of his Oscar was adorable. He seems like a genuinely nice guy. I’m happy he won, but I still wish Darren Aronofsky had at least been recognized for his work on The Wrestler.
Heath Ledger won the Oscar he deserved. Jessica pulls out more tissues to dab at teary eyes as his family accepts the award on his behalf.
Kate Winslet wins. I am very happy about this one. I really respect this woman’s choices as an actress. As for some of her male fans, they’ve gotta be worried that now that she’s won an Oscar, will she stop being nude in her movies?
During his acceptance speech, Sean Penn mentioned some hate groups who had been protesting outside the Oscars. Jessica and I actually ran into these people on Sunset Blvd. As you might have guessed, they were weird and full of hate. One woman was wearing an American flag as a sarong. These haters had so many different signs with so many different messages, I found it confusing as to who they were wanting us to hate. One person was holding a sign with a picture of Obama with horns, like he was half dragon. I’m not sure if that’s meant to be insulting, but all I can say is it would be freaking awesome if we had a half man/half dragon for president. No other country would ever want to f*ck with us, if they knew we could send a fire-breathing politican their way.
It’s really amazing to watch a movie like Slumdog Millionairetake the world and the Oscars by storm. And you could see this level of excitement and passion in the eyes of everyone who worked on the film.
JESSICA SAYS:
I’m mostly confused by E!’s coverage. For instance, a cooking segment in evening gowns? I don’t know who the woman leading this segment is, but she is wearing gold lamé, for God’s sake.
Marnie Norton, who is apparently a handbag designer, has turned the pre-show on E! into QVC. She even did some Vanna White-inspired hand gestures. Is this really the best coverage they could come up with for Oscar day?
Sal Maseka has recently retired from some sort of factory job; that’s just my assumption after seeing the giant gold watch he’s sporting.
Debbie Matenopoulos just said she is ‘scared’ of using blue or green eye makeup because she has brown eyes. Scared? What is she talking about?
Miley Cyrus is lobbying to be nominated for an Oscar next year. Yes, I just said Miley Cyrus. I know. It seems ridiculous to me too. I have no idea what this movie she’s talking about, but I will eat my hat if Miley Cyrus is nominated next year.
Now for a brief bit of comments on fashion:
Tim Gunn, I adore you. You are the classy, sophisticated gay uncle I never had. I also completely agree with something I heard you say on Good Morning America this week – your review of a dress depends on who is wearing it. You gave the example of Tilda Swinton last year in the black velvet number. You are totally right. She is bohemian, so it is totally fitting that she wore an unusual dress. She did it again this year, and I liked how she looked. I don’t think everyone has to wear a jewel-toned dress with diamond drop earrings to look beautiful.
I loved Anne Hathaway’s dress. Mr. Jay (America’s Next Top Model guru) instructed us on what we’re supposed to call those discs sewn on her dress and I’ve already forgotten.
I feel like a lot of people are going to hate-on Marisa Tomei’s dress for looking like napkins, but I really liked it.
Oh Miley. She said the dress she’s wearing was the first dress she saw. Miley, dear, you should have kept looking. It reminds me a foil Christmas tree my grandma has.
Kate Winslet looks beautiful, as I had hoped. Her hair is a bit pageant-y, but I still like it.
OSCAR CEREMONY
Opening number: OK, I kind of find Hugh Jackman a little more adorable now (who knew that was possible). And Anne Hathaway. She and I should totally be friends.
I like the idea of having previous winners come out to give special little shout-outs to the five nominees, but this is going to be a really, really long show if they do this for every category and I’m not sure I really care to see five previous sound mixing winners (no offense guys).
Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz wins, not entirely surprising. She was cute in her acceptance speech. I still haven’t seen Vicky Cristina Barcelona, so I can’t really comment any more than that.
I LOVE TINA FEY. I truly do. She looks so pretty tonight. Pretty, funny, smart; Tina, call me! Let’s hang out, eat sandwiches, and play Rock Band.
Best original screenplay: Milk. That was a nice acceptance speech, but it will totally piss off those angry hate people Alison and I saw on the corner of Sunset and Highland. Good for you! I’m not even sure what they were protesting. Something about fetuses, Barack Obama having horns like a ram, and saying the people who lost their homes in the recent fires deserved it. God bless freedom of speech.
Best adapted screenplay: Slumdog Millionaire. I was a bit surprised here. I expect it will take home the big prize, but the writing wasn’t necessarily one of the reasons I enjoyed Slumdog.
Best animated feature: WALL-E. I’m glad this won because it would have not been an enjoyable night with Alison, if it didn’t. There would have been tears. Copious tears. She’s kind of obsessed.
Best animated short: OK, Sir-I-don’t-know, just speak Japanese if you can’t speak English. Oh wait; you redeemed yourself by saying, “Domo arigato Mr. Roboto.” Styx totally rules!
Sarah Jessica Parker can’t walk in her dress. That seems silly to me. I know fashion isn’t always practical, but she is struggling to walk the few steps from backstage to the podium.
Art direction and costumes are cool and integral to making a film excellent, but SNORE. Those acceptances speeches are boring!
Another win for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. This is almost as boring as watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
Ben Stiller as Joaquin Phoenix was pretty funny, but I imagine there are going to be a lot of people watching this show that will have no idea what that was about. It you were confused, check out this clip from Late Night with David Letterman:
Cinematography had to go to Slumdog Millionaire. If you saw that movie, you would know that there is no way any other movie could have won. Cinematography made that film.
One of the funnier moments of the night so far came from watching James Franco watch himself kiss Sean Penn.
OK, I love musicals. I really love them, but I didn’t love the ode to musicals. I was also kind of annoyed at how obvious it was that Beyonce was singing to a pre-recorded dub.
Heath Ledger won. I knew that would make me cry…and it did.
I like the sparkle curtain. I don’t like the ceiling lights with tassels. It feels a bit too much like a cocktail lounge.
The cast of Slumdog Millionaire and Danny Boyle are pretty adorable every time someone wins from their movie.
I’m very pleased Kate Winslet won, as I had hoped and predicted. I still haven’t had a chance to see Milk, but I was amused the Sean Penn acknowledged how difficult it is to support him at times. It is, Sean. For instance, when you couldn’t take Chris Rock’s joke about Jude Law. I’m glad you showed tonight that you can actually laugh.
Slumdog Millionaire takes home the big prize to little surprise. I enjoyed the parts of the show with Hugh Jackman, but the middle of the show really dragged and this is coming from someone who is a bit of a film nerd.
And now we leave you with a picture of traffic during the Oscars.
Two Blondes review a movie and ramble a lot about themselves:
ALISON SAYS:
I really related to the The Reader, because Jessica and I often read our blogs out loud to one another, while playing with each other’s hair and one of us carries a terrible secret that will cause the other great pain and intimacy issues.
All joking aside, I thought this film was fantastic. Sure, I had trouble sympathizing with Hannah Schmitz, a woman who chose duty over human life. But she was one of the most complex characters I’ve encountered on film. And she was brought to life by the amazing Kate Winslet, who deserves every accolade and naked, golden man to come her way. I also was equally impressed with David Kross, who was barely eighteen when they shot the film. He held his own while sharing the screen with one of the world’s most famous actresses. And made me believe his story as he evolved from naive innocence to a man burdened by betrayal.
Here’s what we’ve also learned from this film and the Oscar winners: Stephen Daldry + talented actress + special effects makeup = Oscar (Please see either The Reader or The Hours as examples.)
I read that Daldry will be directing The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. This was one of my favorite books of the last ten years, so I’m both excited and nervous to see what he does with it. If you haven’t read it, please run out and get it right away.
LA Viewers: Hurry to Sunset 5 and go see this film.
Translation for non LA-viewers: Go see it. And be prepared for a lot of nudity and top-notch acting.
JESSICA SAYS:
This may sound dense, but I didn’t really think The Reader was going to be about reading. I know, it’s right there in the title, but I just didn’t give it much thought. I just assumed it was about a Nazi SS officer and probably sex, since Kate Winslet was supposed to be naked for a large part of the film. I must admit, I was quite pleased when I realized it really was about the joy/power/sexiness of reading. I love being read to, which I’m sure is true for a lot of people. However, I also love reading to someone. I like to put on voices for the characters and give my own interpretation, but don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely no designs on ever acting. I just like to give the occasional dramatic interpretation for an audience of one or two. Unfortunately, after somewhere around the age of 12 (junior high), people think it’s weird if you want to read to them. Well, most people. My sister and I have logged hours on beaches or in bed at Mom’s or Dad’s house with me reading to her (until she falls asleep). I was particularly proud of my Bridget Jones’s Diary reading I gave at Myrtle Beach some years ago. You should try it. It’s fun.
Kate Winslet is splendid, as always. I’ve never seen a performance of hers that I did not enjoy…and that includes The Holiday (not a great film, but she’s lovely). She is so completely raw and daring; totally deserving of her Oscar and Golden Globe win. However, she won the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress and this is clearly a lead actress role. I understand that by putting her in the supporting category, she wasn’t competing against herself for Revolutionary Road, but it just seems weird to call this role ’supporting.’
I am very thankful I can read, especially after seeing The Reader. That’s the main thought I came away with at the end of the movie. You see, Hanna Schmitz (Winslet) is illiterate and the big question of the film is does this excuse not only being complicit, but directly involved in one of the most tragic and horrifying events in history. I felt like the implied answer by the end of the film was yes and that bothers me. Well, OK, perhaps the statement made was closer to saying the fact that she teaches herself to read in prison somehow makes up for allowing innocent people to be murdered. I think instinctually, even if you had never seen a book in your life, a (sane, adult) human knows it’s wrong to kill another person. The fact that there was some sort of redemption for a Nazi in this story was hard for me to swallow.
After you see this movie, I want you to think about Ricky Gervais’ quip at the Golden Globes about Holocaust films garnering automatic acclaim and see if there isn’t the ring of truth there. Kate Winslet is splendid. The Reader is…OK. I recommend waiting until it comes out on video.
Two Blondes review a movie and mostly ramble about themselves:
JESSICA SAYS:
I was apprehensive about seeing this movie.You see, I like (well OK, more like love) romantic comedies.The problem is 80% of them aren’t even tolerable.I have paid good money to be bored to tears numerous times watching Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaghey’s chemistry fizzle in stories whose plots stretch the limits of logic.For every Bridget Jones’s Diary, there are 12 Bridget Jones:the Edge of Reasons.It’s just that when things go right, you get repaid with a classic like When Harry Met Sally (on my all-time top five movie list).When I saw the previews for He’s Just Not That into You, I had hopes for it to rival Love Actually, but fears it might end up like…well any Jennifer Lopez rom-com.It ends up landing somewhere in between.
Before I go any further on this specific movie, I want to take a moment to defend the romantic comedy.Are they predictable?Yes.Formulaic?Certainly.Completely unrealistic?Absolutely.However, they are no more predictable, formulaic, and unrealistic than action, horror, sci-fi, or any other genre films.My fear is that romantic comedies get such a bad wrap because they are ‘women’s’ movies and therefore deemed somehow less relevant in the grand pop culture scheme than say, the latest comic book adaptation.Is it asking too much, as an audience member, to wish that Hollywood would be willing to invest in more charming, smart, funny love stories and that those stories could actually be relevant and meaningful?Yes?Damn, because I and a lot of my friends would go see such a movie.To quote Pretty Woman, “I have all this money *sob* and nobody *sob* will help me.”OK, I’ll get off my soapbox now.
Surprising things about He’s Just Not That into You:
1.)Ben Affleck was charming and I even forgot I was watching Ben Affleck at times.
3.)Other audience members are dumber than I think they are.There is a moment when it is officially revealed that Bradley Cooper’s and Jennifer Connelly’s characters are married to each other.This fact was obvious to me within the first few minutes of the film.The woman next to me audibly gasped when it was officially confirmed at least an hour later.
In short, if you like romantic comedies, rent this one or go to a matinee.It’s entertaining enough for a Sunday afternoon.Also, Lisa Schwarzbaum wrote an interesting piece on chick flicks for Entertainment Weekly, check it out.
ALISON SAYS:
I’m the kind of girl who chooses to go see a movie like Taken on Valentine’s Day, the kind of girl who owns and repeatedly watches the Die Hard movies. I’m not a romantic comedy gal. But I agreed to go see He’s Just Not That Into You. I had seen previews and was super annoyed by the scene where Drew Barrymore says, “He MySpaced me.” My reaction: “Did I just teleport back to 2005 when MySpace was relevant?” It seems crazy to me that studio executives couldn’t update that line for the release (Ever heard of Facebook?). Despite that, I’ll admit I was actually pretty charmed by the movie and laughed out loud numerous times. It was a more realistic, modern take on love than I expected.
My favorite part was Ginnifer Goodwin. I already had immense respect for her, because of her work on Big Love, but now I absolutely adore her. She was charming, vulnerable and incredibly funny. I also thought Jennifer Aniston was great. Despite it being a rather fluffy film, Aniston’s performance showed some depth and emotional range that I hadn’t seen from her since The Good Girl. I’m a huge fan of Jennifer Connelly. I thought she was incredible in Requiem for a Dream, but her dramatic skills felt constrained in a movie like this. For lack of a better metaphor, it felt like a bull in a china shop.
Justin Long was charming and funny, but he’s just still not my type as a leading man. Watching him kiss Ginnifer Goodwin was one of the most awkward, chemistry-lacking kisses I’ve seen, even worse than some I witnessed at a 5th grade roller skating party. In regards to Kevin Connolly…. eh. He’s not a terrible actor, but he’s just not who I care about winning the girl. Ben Affleck was actually pretty darn good, in an understated way. SPOILER ALERT: But I was really disappointed when his character proposed at the end to Jennifer Aniston. I had been really moved by what he had to say about love and not needing the label of marriage and Aniston’s character realizing he was already more of a husband than her sisters’ ever would be. But I think I’m in the minority with being miffed over that plot point, since all the women in the audience “ooh’d” and “ahhh’d” when Aniston found the ring.
Speaking of audience reactions… Scarlett Johansson plays a young, beautiful, carefree girl. And she is damn hot (though someone should talk to her about bad hair extensions). In one scene, where Connelly’s husband (played by Bradley Cooper) grabs Miss Johanson’s magnificent bosom, a guy sitting next to me in the movie theater actually yelled out, “Oh!” I guess he was excited. My point is, there’s something in this movie for both the girls and the guys.
My mom also saw this film. She did not really enjoy it. Here’s what she had to say: “I wouldn’t waste the money going, but I already did.”
LA Viewers: A matinee at the Grove or Landmark with girlfriends is recommended. But maybe leave your mom at home.
Translation for non-LA natives: If you’re suffering from the recession, wait for the DVD. But if you’re suffering from not enough girl time or want to be charmed by Ginnifer Goodwin, go catch a matinee.
JESSICA SAYS:
But I can’t in good consciousness recommend this movie. Unless you’re babysitting your niece or are a huge Miley fan just wait and Netflix it if you’re curious at all what it’s like. There are so many other things you could put your 10 dollars (plus parking) towards. Instead, take 2 of those 10 dollars and download “The Climb” and “Hoedown Throwdown” and watch an old episode of Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel. You’ll be happy driving around in your car for a good week and after watching 22 minutes of Miley on TV, glad you dodged a bullet.
I had not read the
I see most of the comic-based movies when they come out, and I must say, this is one of the better ones I’ve seen recently. All of these heroes are dark, twisty, and above all flawed. They are almost flawed to the point that it’s hard to root for any of them. Almost. I was pretty won over by Patrick Wilson’s Night Owl. It didn’t hurt that he’s pretty, besides playing the lone nice guy.
Both Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet deliver Oscar-worthy performances here and the fact that neither of them was even nominated is ridiculous. It’s just further proof that politics and money have more to do with who wins Academy Awards than the performances too often. Michael Shannon is only in a few scenes, but he is so good I wished he got his own film about a mental patient in the 1950s. His performance is one of only three nominations for Revolutionary Road, with costume and art direction. If I ruled the world, it would get nominations for Best Picture, Best Lead Actress, Best Lead Actor, and Best Director. Alas, I do not; otherwise we would all take flying cars to work.
BEST PICTURE:
ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE:
ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE:
WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY):
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BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
BEST ACTRESS
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During his acceptance speech, Sean Penn mentioned some hate groups who had been protesting outside the Oscars. Jessica and I actually ran into these people on Sunset Blvd. As you might have guessed, they were weird and full of hate. One woman was wearing an American flag as a sarong. These haters had so many different signs with so many different messages, I found it confusing as to who they were wanting us to hate. One person was holding a sign with a picture of Obama with horns, like he was half dragon. I’m not sure if that’s meant to be insulting, but all I can say is it would be freaking awesome if we had a half man/half dragon for president. No other country would ever want to f*ck with us, if they knew we could send a fire-breathing politican their way.
